Ask Anything Monday: Have a question you feel too apprehensive to ask?

hello, welcome to the forum

i think that is the answer here is encouragement and positive reinforcement

I do not know what your situation is , does he feel safe at home , how is he at home

I don`t think being tougher on him will be good

I just wanna tell you thanks for sharing your story , It's difficult what you have gotten thorugh, I would love to help but I don't know exactly how!

I have definitely felt the same dilemma with regards to my husband who has been seeing a physiologist. I ask how things are going and when he is doing well he tells me...but when not so well he doesn't. That is when I would really like to know what is happening for him so I can understand and support. However he has refused to let me join him on a session and so I asked if he minded if I asked his psychologist but he said NO. And frankly I think the therapists have privacy policies with regards to sharing info so no luck there. Now I am trying to take the relationship counselling avenue to see if we share our concerns with a councellor whether he will open up to me. When he is in a good place this suits him but when he isn't then he is not interested in going with me. The more i push to be part of his treatment the more he pulls away. I don't think I know any answers either.

At the moment I think he is in denial somewhat about his condition. Manic depression/yet to get a diagnosis for bipolar. I really can see the possibility of bipolar but he is avoiding any discussion and it is so cronic his avoidance of it that he is threatening to leave me. It must be very painful for him to go through therapy to even talk of leaving me if I ask how it is going. We have been together for 30 years and married for 16years (now with 2 children).

Happy Monday everyone!

Thanks to @PeppiPatty @Janna @Jacques @xhoni @Maple for your input last week.

This week's Ask Anything Monday question is:

I've been with my boyfriend now for 3 months. All is going very well. A friend of his, who doesn't know me very well, mentioned to me that he has a diagnosis of schizophrenia. He hasn't told me about this so I'm guessing he's not read.

He seems highly functional - a bit quirky, but I think that's just him (& I like it!).

I don't know much about schizophrenia and I want to better understand it. Should I ask him about it directly?

I am learning, and it has taken me years of covering up for my husband, that abuse is abuse. Whatever the reason for it does not make it acceptable or more tolerated. Some of us are able to take more abuse than others but that doesnt make it is ok. We all have the right to be respected, treated with respect and heard. Passive agressive is one of the hardest things to see happening to us because, (as in my case) I thought the behaviour was my fault. I thought I deserved it, but no one does. It is a round about way for the abuser to offload their feelings when they cant sit with it themselves. So, when I finally see it happening, I get quite angry about it. Then I can see why it is happening and I can empathise with my husbands pain. Then most importantly I let him know it is not ok to treat me like that and I will not tolerate it. He needs to deal with it then. But...sometimes I dont see it happening and I can fall in a hole. We are human after all.

Hi @Former-Member

Sorry I wasn't very clear.

You talked about someone (or some people?) deliberately doing things knowingly to hurt you, which is why I brought up boundaries. Regardless of what the action is, if it hurts or upset you, you shouldn't have to put up with it. Which is why I raise the topic of creating boundaries. Here are some good discussions about boundaries you might want to check out:

Boundaries

How do I enforce boundaries

If you want to submit a question for Ask Anything Monday, you can find info about here in the first post. If you're responding to someone's weekly question (which I posted above) then you don't have to be anonymous - you just respond as yourself.

If you don't want to submit your question on Ask Anything Monday you could start a new thread as you would in the forums usually.

There are a fair few carers who have talked about similar things to what you're experiencing, so I'm sure you'll get some helpful responses.

Hope I've cleared that up for you!

Nik