Being sent home from hospital too early.

Hello @Jo

visiting hospital every day, not wanting to let go is not pathetic in the least.

It is I would say maternal instinct. A strong bond of love with your son.

Darcy knows only too well about taking respite when available.

Please take yourself off somewhere. Do you have close friends, or family that you could watch a film, have a light lunch, coffee, tea, cake? Company where you would not be expected to be chatty.

I am my own worst enemy, I have not told any friends and I have been isolating myself so much. It is the worst thing that I could do. So please take if from me even getting in the car and driving to the local shops is actually stopping the isolating pattern.

I push myself to walk and I love that. Taking in nature and many animals along the way as we live in a rural area, lifts my spirit.

It took me some time to think about my own health when my son was detained. We don't have to visit them everyday. You can ring the hospital and ask to speak to the registrar for an indication of minimum time your son will be in there. You can then speak to your son on the telephone and let him know which days you will visit. He will then adjust to living with a timetable. He will need to gradually adjust to this when released. As in when he sees his doctor, mental health team etc.

@Former-Member I know that life is a struggle for you at the moment. I hope you find some relief soon. I hope that Mr Darcy feels some relief also.

perhaps we all three can make a pact to do something for ourselves today even if it is as simple as gardening, watering pots.

I am working on going for a walk. Then I need to go to the shops because we need food. I have put it off for as long as I feasibly could!

will check back later to see how we have all gone xxx

Thanks so much Mohill. Too exausted to do anything but drive to the hospital every day but bought myself a large bag of mashmallows on the way home today and ate the lot in five minutes.
I'll try to do something for myself tomorrow that is a lot healthier. Thanks again for your suggestions.

The best of British luck is precisely what I need right now Darcy. Thank you. X

@Jo

How are things with your son? Is he more settled, less stressed?

Are you managing to have a break from going every day now, in preparation for when he comes out?

hope that you are ok it is such a dreadful experience, my heart goes out to you. just remembering it now brings back body tension.

please look after yourself too, we all on here cant say that enough to you xxx

Thanks Darcy. Am managing. Going into the hospital every day. No improvement yet unfortunately. I appreciate your thoughtfulness Darcy. Thank you. X

Hi Mohill, no there's been no big change yet. He is still wearing the same suit and tie he wore when he was admitted fifteen days ago and is still speaking with the British accent and holding two text books under his arm all day . Bu he can sit down now for short periods and chat, even though his very pronounced British accent makes me feel uncomfortable. Before, he was unable to do anything but stride around like an Oxford University professor, finding it impossible to stop and sit down. This is a small improvement. (Small steps, as they say.) I can't help going in every day because I am plagued with the need to see if he's changed clothes yet, or stopped speaking like Sir Winston Churchill ! I do know it takes time for the meds to kick in and they have upped the dosage twice since he's been in there. I believe they are taking the whole thing more seriously now, so my original worry of him being prematurely discharged has gone.

hello @Jo

I am not an expert by any means with diagnosis, symptoms, medications.

I do however have experience of witnessing my son in the same situation as yours is in now.

Detained under an internal order.

I understand how you feel the need to go every day and wait to see any sign of any small change. You probably have little faith in the medical system there after having to reach out on here for help in desperation. You are not alone experiencing that feeling sadly.

I am so glad for your son's sake as well as your own that you stood up to the system there and brought about improvement in treatment and respect for your son.

It is horrifying to see our children, now adults, behaving so extremely different to how we know them as people. My son's voice was different too. Much more authoritative, accomplished, knowledgable, he is bright but just conveyed the fact so much more convincingly. I found him the first time on the telephone in the ward speaking to lawyers. He then acquired my mobile and proceeded to ring different law firms within my whole visit period. It took me and 75 minutes drive each way. Plus I have mental illness myself which was extremely heightened by seeing him there. I was extremely frightened of driving down from rural area into the city in peak hours, let alone being in there with such non caring staff. I was devastated I did not get to talk to him at all as he was on my phone the whole time. I then had to insist on having it back, my mother had been rushed to the emergency dept of another hospital where my sister was waiting with her and trying to phone me. The day was an absolute nightmare.

When I wasnt at the hospital I worried non stop when I was there I did not have his attention. So I broke it down into what could I achieve for him and what would he benefit from my visits. I took him out, he told me he could go out. I had to follow up myself, him signing out, noone even noticed or cared. He almost ran across traffic lights turning red and through crowds of people. I was shouting out so loudly for him to stop and feared he would have an accident. I thought to myself how can this be duty of care. He is under an internal order, detained because he is not well enough to be out in society? We went up and down the stairs, the aisles in the book shop. I kept losing him. He was fixated on his computer books but he wanted to buy 3 different patients presents. That was a nightmare , checking prices, talking about gesture not cost etc etc.

Basically there was no quality time. I saw some improvement, glimpses but then he was outside in a different environment so I dont think I could honestly compare.

Having a day away from the hospital will not make a noticeable difference. At the end of the day, he is happy in his suit and tie, carrying his books and speaking with his accent. If you can, let that be. When you do visit, see if you can tap into that concept.any kind of connection is healthy. You are not belittling him you are just reassuring him that you know he is still your loving son. He seems to be less stressed as the person with the english accent in the suit.

You will have a day of rest and be in a better state of mind to visit later. Remember he is only a phone call away. You can ring and ask the staff how he is, just say for the moment you are taking a break, dont want to talk to him, just need an update on how he is.

Once you have had a day off, we will let you have another bag of marshmallows xxx

@Former-Member Only another packet of marshmallows. Because I have learned over the years not to resort to bottles of wine. But the main thing I do re self-care is to go to bed very early, read for an hour, then try to get a decent night's sleep. I will feel better when/if the British accent disappears and he wears something other than the same suit, shirt and tie he wore on the day he was admitted 16 days ago. Thanks Darcy.