14th year house bound

Hey J

Please remember when you try the mandalas that they don't have to be done perfectly. For me I couldn't even pick a pencil I was so scared of making a mistake. It does get easier and you will be able to see your differing emotions in the pictures. Some can be really dark.

I still tend to be over critical. The girls tell me what they thing. Anyway good luck:-)

Yea that quote it really does suit both of us.

Hope your day is going ok

Karen

Yeh Karen i will try, but my OCD needs to have everything perfect, it drives me crazy if i go outside the lines.

i can spend hours just trying to fix anything that is not perfect, i never get it "perfect" and it really upsets me. yes i can imagine how different emotions can show through. i am so looking forward to it, i am going to try one tonight.

That is good you do them with the girls, it must be good for all of you to do things together.

how is your day going? are you getting some rest?

Karen, i hope you can see some positives in your future, i can see so much for your future, you are such a wonderful person and an excellent mum, i wish my parents had have not been so emotionally detached from me, a hug, something would have been nice when i was a child, you are so good to your children, they are so lucky to have you as their mum.

Take care my angel

Jacques

Jacques I truly get it!!!!! The perfection stuff is so infuriating. When I was in the private mental health unit the psychologist Sat with me for over an hour.... My task was to do an imperfect mandalas. You should have seen me I was sweating, shaking so much, chest pains I thought I was going to die. All over having to color outside the lines. I failed I couldn't do it. But I did manage to use some awful color combinations. Sounds so stupid. Then he made me watch him do one, everything was outside the lines it was such a mess, I couldn't believe my anxiety could get to such overwhelming levels.

I still have those two mandalas to remind me it doesn't have to be perfect. I still feel the same anxiety over them. So silly.

I'm at mums looking after my daughter, I don't think I can manage another night.

Hope the sun is shining where you are

Karen

Oh @hiddenite I loved your telling @Jacques he has to learn to share now he has friends.

and the perfectionist stuff can be a real killer ... I try to teach to strive for personal excellence but be kind re goal setting .. but it all depends on the person.

I also found your task of colouring outside the lines deeply touching ... I am glad you had someone who was sensitive to you about that. It can be a problem with singers also ... sing a wrong note and get it over with .. then relax and make beautiful music ... what crazy perfectionst standards float around everywhere.

@Former-Member My girls were in The Australian Childrens Choir for a while, while they liked it, then they moved on, but its never wasted. Singing in choirs builds so many skills .. did you know that the 2 best state schools in Melbourne ... Melb High and MacRob have compulsory massed singing. I think it should accessible to everybody but many schools dont. The voice is a leveller and teaches vocalising and sensitivity and harmony in group intersactions ... worth its weight in gold.

@Jacques How ya going gorgeous? So many women to share that chocolate with ...

Hi @Appleblossom,

Oh gosh you are making me blush , i am going good today, slept through most of it, but the sun is shining and i am here with my friends. Oh no more people to share with, maybe i will have to be a loner again so i don't have to share .

Seriously thankyou my friends @Appleblossom, @PeppiPatty, @Former-Member, and my special friend @hiddenite.

You all make me feel so special, i love reading about your lives, your happy and sad times, it gives me great comfort.

@Appleblossom, you sound so good today, i hope you are feeling better, you sounded so down the other day, i hope things are turning around for you, you are such a nice lady and i hate to see my friends so distressed, i know how tough it is to fight the urge for SI, SH, i fight it every day.

Takce care my friend, thinking fo you

Jacques

It is partly the pills @Jacques

My new GP quadrupled my dose and gave 3 relaxants per day ... but I could not promise not to stockpile so I have to go back in a week to chemist etc.

I am upset as I was almost off my anti-depressants, but it had to be done .. thats the way it goes...

Oh Karen, you poor thing you must be so exhausted, so must your little one, i hope you and her managed some rest today.

I don't know if i could have watched him colour that mandalay, i can't stand imperfecton, i can spend hours and hours fixing things up, even tools in my shed all have to be lined up in a special order,, i can't even stand them being crooked, i understand about the anxiety, i can be awake all night with panic attacks and keep going over and over in my mind how i am going to fix something that is not perfect.

it does not sound stupid Karen, i suppose with people like us it is a way of life, we just have to manage it and keep telling ourselves it is ok not to have everything perfect.

The sun is out here but it is cold, i slept most of the day, i feel so exhausted all the time, i don't know what is wrong with me, the panic attacks still will not subside, i seem to get them now everytime i go to sleep, like sleeping is the trigger now, what a mess.

remember my angel you are not alone with all this, i am here to listen and offer some advice, whatever i can do to help, take care my angel, i am their with you.

Jacques

well @Appleblossom my friend, they seem to be working, you are so lucky to hae found medication that helps, i wish i had something to make me happy.

I am glad you are seeing the big picture, i know how hard it must be for you to go back on them, but if it helps you, it is a small price to pay. please member harmful thoughts are only that, thoughts, you don't have to act on them.

I am so proud of you going to the doctors when it got too much, i should do the same, but i am too scared.

Jacques

My lil girl loved the singing and wants to go again next week 😄 wasnt a try out as such, other than just for her to try it out and see if she likes it. The older groups have try outs i think, but for the littlies its open to who ever wants to go. my lil boy and I stayed and joined in today too.

So glad to be home though, been a huge day,

hope you are all going ok this afternoon. the weather is just beautiful here and there's a golden sunlight coming in the window.

LJ

Hi Appleblossom

I'm glad the new combination of medication is helping. I'm glad your Dr is only giving you enough for a week. I wish my Dr would do that..... would certainly take the pressure off.

Your doing so great

Take care

Karen