14th year house bound

Awww @Jacques ... thanks heaps for the animal pics ... NO wonder you love where you live !!! I would honestly be sitting there with you, animal watching and I'd be memorised.

Sorry to all that I havn't been on too much lately, there is a good reason though and it's a little bit of exciting news that I have. All going well I'd love to share it with you all on friday feast.

@hiddenite, as I've said before you're always in my thoughts and wishes just as J is, I think you are both wonderful people who are doing the best with the cards they've been dealt. Please, and I really do mean please, stay in touch with your doctor while you are on the new med. I was trialled on one in the past that made me CRAVE chocolate and all things sweet, It was a double edged sword, the med worked awesome for my mood but my appetite was not good at all for my health and waistline. So please be careful.

My thoughts and care to you both

Matt/Boots

hi @WombatBoots,

Oh my i am looking forward to your news on friday, only 2 more days, yay.

i am glad you like the animals, i can't stop watching them, they are the only things keeping me sane at the moment, peace in all the kaos.

yes they are really funny, the pig has dug a hole so deep she fits into it, and she is 5ft long, all you can see is her little ears, she is so cute. the cattle where headbutting each other this afternoon, one of them was shoved right across the paddock, i like how animals can play without harming each other.

it is really good to hear from you again, i understand you are busy.

Take care my friend, i can't wait for friday

Jacques

Hi My Angel,

oh good girl, yes i have been struggling with that myself, trying to figure out what to do first, it is hard isn't it. my stove threw in the towel 3 days ago, and i can't fit the new one until i get the kitchen done.

yes i agree, the worrie makes everything worse, but i have found i am becomming numb ot it all the more i do to the house the less i am panicing.

you can connect water and electricity online. go to your provider on the web and email them or find a link to connect electricity, that is what i do, that way no phone calls.

i have an account with the local hardware store, i buy as much as i can in bulk to do less trips. i write down what needs to be done in each room, catalogue the items required and get them all at once, only 5 trips needed so far, for 5 rooms.

i am in the office destroying some old paperwork. it was foggy but has cleared to a sunny day.

Please be carful driving the girls to their appointment. i am thinking of you my angel, i am so glad you are planning stuff for the house. yesterday i found 2 brown pots to put each side of the front door, i am going to buy them soon and fill them with lavender.

anyway if you need some tips on how to cope with setting up things, let me know, i do everything online, the only store i need to go to is bunnings, the stores are so huge and i only go in of a tuesday, least busy.

Your description of the animals made my day. I am a city girl but spent time on a dairy farm and like to reflect on the many behaviours of animals that are like humans .. more than just pets etc.

Its funny how cross conversations open up the dialogue ie you talking to @hiddenite or talking to @WombatBoots. It helps move beyond the stuckness that can occur in one to one. It also helps us less social types get used to groups.

I trained myself to like dark chocolate so I could enjoy antioxidants ... I have just finished a 1/2 price Boost so am on a sugar high right now.

I am so glad Karen is taking good steps. Maybe she might find that she is right that real "help" is not out there .. but within her .. she just needs a little support to believe that.

The fact of the matter is that she can take as long as she likes and NEEDS .. to make the phone call or go to hardware or get the tradie. Gives yourself lots of extra time karen .. When I was renovating I never completed ll the things on my list for the next day .. everything always took more but make those oists and just cross things off when you are ready to get that thing done.

@hiddenite We know its a huge task but so long as you have somewhere warm to sleep and access to cooking and water etc NOTHING MATTERS .. just take it on long term as your bonding and modelling to your girls to show them survival and the necessities of life and ...

How to overcome trauma .. you are the best teacher in that .. slowly slowly as you do settle and get better. Use the supports available and kick yourself in the butt to get moving when you want to .. but dont damage you. You can teach them resilience.

I spent a lot of time thinking I was weird and psycho in all sorts of ways but in the end we have to find our self acceptance and keep living and doing the next thing.

I noticed heaps of typos in my post .. sorry. I get that you have been put down a lot. I see a lot of it as misogynist thinking and often women, and our mothers can be the worst of all in that regard.

I dont know exactly what happened with your husband and it doesnt really matter .. death is a reality we cant change.

I dont see that much justice in the world and often people dont get what they deserve.

However the situation now is that you seem to have the financial resources to provide land space and shelter for you and your daughters so if you put it into

Inspite of what I have lived I was too naive to realise that my mother's jealousy of me was going to be extremely toxic long term. My mother made me feel guilty that I could afford to buy shoes for my children and buy some soap powder that was not no name. So when eventually, my marriage split and could manage amicable financial division with two separate houses. Instead of being glad I was going to be ok my mother betrayed me ..

I realise it was mother's betrayals as even the Catholic Church understood and gave me an annulmane tfor my marriage .. the pope apologised for the sexual abuses etc but my mother played power games to the end and beyond .. setting it up in her will .. and manipulating my sister and biological daughter and humiliating me. I was shocked and wounded .. I Like you am alive and for 10 years I did feel a lot like you explain yourself.

Logically I know I was not rude or deceitful and should have been much better treated by my family ..

it is why I dont dismiss your concerns about your parents meeting the treatment team. Sorry @NikNik yes .. it seems great if kids have extra people loving them .. but .. if there is "funny business" going on then things may not be as nice in reality as they are on the surface . MH teams best not to be too naive if they think they are actually going to help a family's situation long term.

maybe you @hiddenite can make it a test of your own worthiness .. if you can renovate the place over the next 5 years ...a part at a time .. wait for things to be SOLID .. dont do too many things at once . then you have to give yourself the right that you deserve your home too .. it is not just for the kids. But in the mean time .. do it for them. It will be lonely but you will be an adult and a brave woman.

I have owned my house for 13 years .. but dont fully feel like its mine .. free to do as I please in it .. I was too damaged .. whatever .. my son has had the security and it will help his long term confidence ... sorry for long rave.

You have @Jacques to talk to in the long nights when it gets hard .. and you both will meet new people.