Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

14th year house bound

JacquesSenior Contributor14 May 2015, 10:54 am AEST

14th year house bound

Hi Everyone,

I am new hear, after being removed from other mental health forums for my depressive thoughts i thought i would give this forum a try, this is my story.

I am 33 live with my mother, i am almost compeatly housebound, i leave my house once in the morning for a walk at 6am and maybe once during the week, both times i leave the house fill me with great anxiety, i have no friends, (the last friend i had was in 2001), i have never had a job, never had a girlfriend and never been able to leave my parents side, my father died in 2001 and i have always suffered seperation anxiety the last time i had a night away from home was 1994 for one night (parents had to pick me up at midnight because i was so frantic).

I have spent most of the past 14 years in my room, or the shed, never much out of the yard, no one in my town knows me, people stare and ask each other behind my back if any one knows who i am.

I have only had an income for the past year and spend the previous 7 with no income at all, mum had to use all of her life savings to allow me to live with her and she now has nothing.

I only want to live long enough to care for her in her old age and then i plan to take my own life, i knew from an early age my life would turn out like this, but had no idea how horrible it would be, every day is the same, i often wonder why i keep going, i have very little contact with family (maybe once a year) and i am really struggling to keep going.

Please don't feel distressed about what i am saying, and i am so sorry if i have offended anyone, it is just how i feel.

Their is so much more, but i will leave it at that for the moment, i am shaking and the anxiety is kicking in so thankyou for reading and i will add more later.

Jacques

2719 replies

291 - 300 of 2,719

1...29 30 31...272

In response to: 14th year house bound

hiddeniteSenior Contributor03 Aug 2015, 8:43 pm AEST

Re: 14th year house bound

Thanks for the support Jacques I appreciate your unconditional support.
My private health insurance will only cover me for impatient treatment.

Unfortunately I cannot come up with a way to help myself and my deterioating mental health and support two children who have weekly appointments with a psychologist and have trauma issues.
their health and well being becomes before mine.

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

Unknown userMember03 Aug 2015, 8:51 pm AEST

Re: 14th year house bound

Hi @hiddenite,
It's so hard but as mums we do have to put their needs first. And that means making sure that we are around for them no matter how hard it is for us. If you do need the safety of the mhu in the private hospital for a break from having to worry about it, thats ok. Your mum and dad sound like they love your girls a lot, despite the things that they say to you. I hope that what they say is more out of ignorance and perhaps some desperation in not knowing how to help you. take care of you, LJ

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

JacquesSenior Contributor03 Aug 2015, 8:52 pm AEST

Re: 14th year house bound

i understand Karen,

i know it is a tough situation to find yourself in, i am happy to support you no matter what.

I am glad you are getting help for the girls, i am sure in time they will appreciate what you have done for them, i wish i had of got help when i was younger, could have saved myself all the trauma i am going through now.

hang in their Karen, remember break the night into hours/ minutes, try to remember mindfullness and hold onto your crystals, keep them close, i am their in spirit Karen, you are worth help Karen, you are worthy of happyness, don't ever allow someone to tell you otherwise.

Jacques

In response to: 14th year house bound

hiddeniteSenior Contributor03 Aug 2015, 9:09 pm AEST

Re: 14th year house bound

Thanks Lj you are right its just such a difficult decision. One I don't know how to make I feel guilty what ever I do.
so I struggle to fight another day.

J I'm really trying.

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

NikNikSenior Contributor03 Aug 2015, 9:11 pm AEST

Re: 14th year house bound

Hi @hiddenite
I have so much respect for the commitment you have for your children's wellbeing. You in their lives is so important. So it's about finding that balance of looking after yourself so you can continue to being a great mum.

I think it's great that the treating team is chatting to your mum. As @Baboo said, they can play an objective, educative role for your mother. I think it's appalling what she said about you playing the victim - which is a terrible stigma some people hold for anyone with mental health issues.

Perhaps a chat with professionals will steer her towards a better understanding.

If things escalate tonight it's really important to call Lifeline (13 11 14) or Suicide Call Back (1300 659 467)

Thinking of you

In response to: 14th year house bound

NikNikSenior Contributor03 Aug 2015, 9:23 pm AEST

Re: 14th year house bound

@Jacques
I don't think you have sat at home and done nothing. I think you have been an exceptional carer for your mum. That's nothing to be ashamed of.

I also believe that we worry more about what people are going to think of our pasts than people actually do. If someone is going to judge you for your past - they aren't worth knowing.

But those who are worth having in our lives will judge you on how you treat them and how you make them feel.

We put so much pressure on ourselves in social situations - when 90% of what we fear doesn't actually happen or isn't as bad as we imagined.

I think you're great - so to me it's a shame for others not to get to experience that 🙂

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

AppleblossomSenior Contributor03 Aug 2015, 9:44 pm AEST

Re: 14th year house bound

What about your plans for your new home? Are there practical things you can start doing about that. Finding school, doctor and supports in new area. Make lists of things that need to be done. It is the daily grind but try and find a way to break it up into small bits.

I hope your treating team will fill you in about what goes down tomorrow. Have you had meetings with your doctors and your parents in the room before?

In response to: 14th year house bound

JacquesSenior Contributor03 Aug 2015, 11:06 pm AEST

Re: 14th year house bound

Karen, firstly you didn't "allow" him to do anything, he would have done those things no matter what you did, you where protecting your children, i see so many people take injuries to protect their families.

Karen our lives are such a mess, but you have been thinking of the future lately, maybe we need to change the conversation onto something more positive. i think @Former-Member asked you about what colour you are going to paint the house, i am wondering what you have planned for the house? how are the costumes going?

i so wish i could sit beside you and offer support, comfort, in this difficult time, i know you are trying your best, that is all we can ask of yourselves.

make sure you are safe tonight, you know how it works, i am going for a walk in the morning, i want you to do the same, promise?

keep safe my angel, here is a teddy to keep you company

Jacques

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

JacquesSenior Contributor03 Aug 2015, 11:14 pm AEST

Re: 14th year house bound

Yes @NikNik, you are right, i do think the worst and it usually does not turn out like that, but it is so hard for me to turn off the negative thoughts.

thank you for saying i am great, i wish i could see myself as something other than a failure, maybe one day.

i just wish i could move into a forest in the middle of nowhere and live isolated from the whole world, no contact with anyone, just me and the wildlife.

I just can't understand why people want to know me, or know what i am doing, i have not seen any friend in 14 years, i have not knowen them longer than we have been friends, i don't understandwhy they can't move on. leave me alone.

Thank you for your support Nicole, it means alot.

Jacques

In response to: 14th year house bound

hiddeniteSenior Contributor04 Aug 2015, 9:48 am AEST

Re: 14th year house bound

Hi Jacques
thanks for the teddy it was really comforting.

The house is going to be a big job. The stumps all need replacing. So I will have to remove all the plants and tree ferns that are around the house so the access is easier.

I will remove all curtains and blinds , then I will pull up all the carpet.

Next the bathrooms to be removed then kitchen.

Remove and replace all doors and handles.

New flooring throughout.

Thhen painting inside and out after fascia and gutters are replaced.

big job ahead.

I just need to break it down to smaller more manageable jobs so I don't become too overwhelmed.

I hope you enjoyed your walk j im going for mine now.
take care
karen

291 - 300 of 2,719

1...29 30 31...272