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14th year house bound

JacquesSenior Contributor14 May 2015, 10:54 am AEST

14th year house bound

Hi Everyone,

I am new hear, after being removed from other mental health forums for my depressive thoughts i thought i would give this forum a try, this is my story.

I am 33 live with my mother, i am almost compeatly housebound, i leave my house once in the morning for a walk at 6am and maybe once during the week, both times i leave the house fill me with great anxiety, i have no friends, (the last friend i had was in 2001), i have never had a job, never had a girlfriend and never been able to leave my parents side, my father died in 2001 and i have always suffered seperation anxiety the last time i had a night away from home was 1994 for one night (parents had to pick me up at midnight because i was so frantic).

I have spent most of the past 14 years in my room, or the shed, never much out of the yard, no one in my town knows me, people stare and ask each other behind my back if any one knows who i am.

I have only had an income for the past year and spend the previous 7 with no income at all, mum had to use all of her life savings to allow me to live with her and she now has nothing.

I only want to live long enough to care for her in her old age and then i plan to take my own life, i knew from an early age my life would turn out like this, but had no idea how horrible it would be, every day is the same, i often wonder why i keep going, i have very little contact with family (maybe once a year) and i am really struggling to keep going.

Please don't feel distressed about what i am saying, and i am so sorry if i have offended anyone, it is just how i feel.

Their is so much more, but i will leave it at that for the moment, i am shaking and the anxiety is kicking in so thankyou for reading and i will add more later.

Jacques

2719 replies

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In response to: 14th year house bound

JacquesSenior Contributor31 July 2015, 8:55 pm AEST

Re: 14th year house bound

oh my i love scooby do, i used to watch it when i was in primary school, is it still going, it was the best, your girls know how to choose a good movie, enjoy it Karen, i know everyone likes a good dysney show.

KAren you did not stop me from talking to others, don't be silly, i am still talking to others on different threads, you just keep talking to me, and move over i am joining in on the movie night, can i have some pop corn? has scooby solved the crime yet, lol

good night my angel, speak to you when you want, big hugs

Jacques

In response to: 14th year house bound

hiddeniteSenior Contributor31 July 2015, 8:57 pm AEST

Re: 14th year house bound

Thanks J
it was a good movie the girls enjoyed it.
good night my friend
karen

In response to: 14th year house bound

PeppiPattySenior Contributor31 July 2015, 9:07 pm AEST

Re: 14th year house bound

Dear @Jacques

Somewhere, in this forum is my conversation with a very good person called @loopy

Ive forgotten what its called, maybe Anne and @loopy. .....@NikNik. ...do you remember the thread? But it helped both of us in different ways.

I never really wanted or wanted to contribute.....but do when Ive wanted to.

Ive written this before. @hiddenite has huge big sad experiences she wants to work theough with you, so let her, I say.

Can i back my comment up with something personal?

I know what i get out from Sane forums but i cant put it into words.....im also aware i really need a lot of support.

But Im dealing with things i never thought i would.

Ive also always truly believed in positivity. This forum backs up that.....inner personal belief.

Now that personality test.....lol

Its a bit....correct is'nt it

In response to: 14th year house bound

hiddeniteSenior Contributor01 Aug 2015, 4:07 pm AEST

Re: 14th year house bound

Hey Jacques
hope you had a good day in the garden.
Thinking about you
karen

In response to: 14th year house bound

JacquesSenior Contributor01 Aug 2015, 4:50 pm AEST

Re: 14th year house bound

Hi @hiddenite my angel,

Yes very busy day took all the rubbish out the tip 3 box trailers over thepast 3 weeks, so much junk in the shed to get rid of, oh my their is so much space now.

I am going to get onto the garden to. Tomorrow plant the porchalacas (pigs face), the first time i am growing something from seeds, hope it works.

So how was your day today? What did you and the girls get up to?

It was so nice to see you paricipating in the friday feast last night. I am ao glad you are socialising with other members, who knows you may become a social butterfly.

I hope it was warm where you are, it was lovely here today 17 degrees and full sun, feels like spring, shame i have a cold snap comming through Monday.

Thinking of you
Jacques

In response to: 14th year house bound

hiddeniteSenior Contributor01 Aug 2015, 6:42 pm AEST

Re: 14th year house bound

Hey Jacques

social butterfly. ..... ha you started a new thread and spoke to so many people last night very impressive.
You have come so far. Me I was nearly in tears last night after posting. It causes me so much anxiety.

It was a grey cold day today. So indoors. .... cooking with the girls. .... cheese stars yum. We spent some time on our jigsaw puzzle.

Scooby doo movie tonight so we are all rugged up in my bed cuddling and watching the movie.

congratulations on getting the shed finished. You must be so proud of yourself im sure it was quite challenging for you.

It's great if you can manage to get a plant from seed.

Jacques I've got some news. I'm not sure if it's good or not but I have purchased a house. It is the one I was telling you about.

It's weather board on an acre. Close to the river.
It needs a lot of work. What if I cannot do it.
Anyway the sale is unconditional so it settles on the 31st of August. Wow.
I feel really numb not what I expected to feel. I should be happy but im not.
what is wrong with me. Will I ever feel happy again.

Anyway J enjoy tomorrow in the garden.
Take care
Karen

In response to: 14th year house bound

hiddeniteSenior Contributor01 Aug 2015, 8:29 pm AEST

Re: 14th year house bound

Hey Jacques
sorry I sent you a message but it hasn't been posted.

It's been cold and grey here today so the girls have been inside. They made cheese stars.... yum we have also been doing a jigsaw puzzle.

There was another Scooby doo movie tonight so we are all rugged up in my bed cuddling and watching the movie.

Congratulations on getting the shed finished. It must have been a really big job.

Its great that you are trying to grow your own plants from seeds good luck.

I hope you get some time in the garden tomorrow.

Take care j you sure have been really busy.
Karen

In response to: 14th year house bound

hiddeniteSenior Contributor01 Aug 2015, 8:50 pm AEST

Re: 14th year house bound

Hey J
ive tried posting twice but nothing seems to get through.

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

JacquesSenior Contributor01 Aug 2015, 9:15 pm AEST

Re: 14th year house bound

Oh @hiddenite i am so proud of you, that was a huge step for you to take, i didn't know you were serious about it, how did you go wit hthe real estate agent? you said it was really triggering you should be very proud of yourself, i know this time last year you could not have even thought about buying a home.

Karen of cource you can do the reno's, you have done it before, you can do it now. i believe in you, wow it sounds so nice, i am sure the girls are going to love running around the yard, and playing in the river, it will be great for you to have somewhere to go of a daytime, your own home, your own rules. no one telling you what to do or giving you any negativity.

my home is weatherboard too, but you sound like you have the better spot.

Karen i know you feel numb, it is the anxiety, i feel the same when i take a big step, it is our mind trying to cope with the change.

Karen you need to stop putting so much pressure on yourself to have ceetain feelings, let your mind and body feel what it wants, go with it, allow it to be, in time you will find strength, happyness and contentment. you have something of your own, a home and a family. give it some time, it will be good for you and the girls, you sound very close to your girls, try to focus on what you are going to do to make the house your home.

oh boy another scooby doo, you must be getting tired of scooby dooby doooooooooooooooooooooooo, lol

oh my cooking, i love cooking, cheese stars sounds wonderful, i hope the girls are clean cooks? i am so glad you spend so much time interacting with them, it is very important to have such a close bond with their mother, you sound like a wonderful mum, you should be proud of your girls, they sound so smart.

Karen i am just so overjoyed with your progress, you are moving forward faster and faster, you are starting to take control of the future and let go of the past. i know it does not feel like you have made progress, but i can see so many changes in you from when we first met a year ago, the house it just one huge step on the road to recovery.

Karen you did well even though you where scared to post on friday feast, you still did it, you have made another little step forward, remember not everything is going to get better today, your recovery will take time, you where abused for 23 years, and another 2 years of abuse from your parents, it is going to take time to rebuild your life, but you are on your way, i would love to walk beside you on your journey, i am proud of you Karen, i could not have done what i am doing now without your help, you have been my strength.

big big hugs, and a bottle of sparkling water to celeberate the pruchase.

p.s. i so wish i could send you a house warming gift,

Jacques

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

JacquesSenior Contributor01 Aug 2015, 9:17 pm AEST

Re: 14th year house bound

@hiddenite it is ok, your posts are getting though, it is just their is no one to monitor the posts, so it takes a while for them to get approved. you have done nothing wrong, the posts are their.

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