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14th year house bound

JacquesSenior Contributor14 May 2015, 10:54 am AEST

14th year house bound

Hi Everyone,

I am new hear, after being removed from other mental health forums for my depressive thoughts i thought i would give this forum a try, this is my story.

I am 33 live with my mother, i am almost compeatly housebound, i leave my house once in the morning for a walk at 6am and maybe once during the week, both times i leave the house fill me with great anxiety, i have no friends, (the last friend i had was in 2001), i have never had a job, never had a girlfriend and never been able to leave my parents side, my father died in 2001 and i have always suffered seperation anxiety the last time i had a night away from home was 1994 for one night (parents had to pick me up at midnight because i was so frantic).

I have spent most of the past 14 years in my room, or the shed, never much out of the yard, no one in my town knows me, people stare and ask each other behind my back if any one knows who i am.

I have only had an income for the past year and spend the previous 7 with no income at all, mum had to use all of her life savings to allow me to live with her and she now has nothing.

I only want to live long enough to care for her in her old age and then i plan to take my own life, i knew from an early age my life would turn out like this, but had no idea how horrible it would be, every day is the same, i often wonder why i keep going, i have very little contact with family (maybe once a year) and i am really struggling to keep going.

Please don't feel distressed about what i am saying, and i am so sorry if i have offended anyone, it is just how i feel.

Their is so much more, but i will leave it at that for the moment, i am shaking and the anxiety is kicking in so thankyou for reading and i will add more later.

Jacques

2719 replies

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In response to: 14th year house bound

Unknown userMember16 Nov 2015, 4:52 pm AEDT

Re: 14th year house bound

Keep trying Karen - something of what is happening is bound to sink in a little bit - remember these people are there to help you and have worked with a lot of people with similar backgrounds and illness. Try to focus on what you can do to help you in there, it's a chance to try new things in a safe place where you don't have to b in charge of your own safety and there is (very strict by the sounds of it) encouragement to be engaged in how to get well. Take a huge risk, a leap of faith that change for the better is possible for you - you've got nothing to lose except the despair and pain of your current life.
Here in hope for you
Lj

In response to: 14th year house bound

JacquesSenior Contributor16 Nov 2015, 5:02 pm AEDT

Re: 14th year house bound

Oh Karen, i wish you could of at least not SH, but i can't believe you can't get a nurse to listen, i do understand they usually go to the loudest ones, you and me being so quiet seem to get ignored, i wish i could be their to protect you Karen, and to care for you, you are way too special to me to allow you to SH.

In response to: 14th year house bound

JacquesSenior Contributor16 Nov 2015, 5:12 pm AEDT

Re: 14th year house bound

oh my angel you never disturb me, i am always happy to talk, i will talk to you while having dinner if you like, i can multitask.

well i am having lamb chop with 3 veg, i am sure the hospital food is not that bad, when i did work experiance in high school i did it at a hospital, we cooked roasts, dessert and sandwiches a lot of the food looked nice.

I do hope you can get some rest in your room this afternoon, you must be so exhausted.

keep holding onto those dreams Karen, i will hold onto them too, you are never alone, i am with you always.

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

hiddeniteSenior Contributor16 Nov 2015, 5:16 pm AEDT

Re: 14th year house bound

Thanks lj for the support.

Jacques you wouldn't believe that someone from my country town is in here as well. She is giving me a really hard time. She somehow knows details about my husband and what happened. And is telling others here my personal information. She even knows about the house I bought and asked me in front of everyone how much I paid for it.

I don't know how to deal with this. Ican't even stand up for myself I feel so violated strangers being told my business.

Enjoy your dinner j and hot shower

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

JacquesSenior Contributor16 Nov 2015, 5:24 pm AEDT

Re: 14th year house bound

oh Karen that is terible, i would be so scared if that happened to me, yes small town people with small town minds, i wish you could tell her to mind her own business, maybe just try to ignore her, and stay away from her. please don't tell her anything and don't react, she is just an ignorant small minded person.

Karen i know how violated you must feel, i have had this violation since i have lived in the town i live in, they all want to know who you are what you do and what you own.

because i have never had a girlfriend their is roumors going around the town that i am gay, because i don't leave the house roumors are going around that i am strange and a psycho.

I do understanKaren, it is horrible, maybe just spend as much time as possible in your room.

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

hiddeniteSenior Contributor16 Nov 2015, 6:06 pm AEDT

Re: 14th year house bound

I didn't want to but it's come to the point I have to say something because she coming into my room when I'm not there. She telling people my personal details. So I have mentioned to a nurse what's been happening. I just hope it doesn't make it worse. She is very intimidating, and 6 ft tall.

I wish I was in my car!

In response to: 14th year house bound

MockingJaySenior Contributor16 Nov 2015, 7:13 pm AEDT

Re: 14th year house bound

i can identify with your disillusionment with the human race but plse don't discount our race altogether. There r a lot of good people in the world still. I've met quite a few in my time n still do. Being 14 yrs housebound would make anyone's world become very small. It will affect their outlook on life outside their own distorted to some degree. Being 14 yrs housebound would limit a persons perspective. It would limit ones experiences considerably in all aspects of ones life. I'm so glad you have such caring people in touch with you Jacques. So you see don't discount the human race just yet my friend. Not everyone is bad hey. It must b very hard to remain positive in your situation.

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

JacquesSenior Contributor16 Nov 2015, 8:23 pm AEDT

Re: 14th year house bound

Oh yes please do Karen, that is completely unacceptable, and a little creapy, please tell a nurse or some staff member.

I do hope so too Karen, i am so proud of you, you have the right to privacy, you have the right to be respected. Karen i know you really worry about peoples size, believe me size does not matter, i am 6" 4' and i could not hurt a fly.

I know my angel, your safe place, do you have a locker or something that you can keep your personal possessions in? it is so sad you can't get a little privacy.

I am so sorry Karen i took so long to respond, i had to mow the lawns, it is going to be 42 here on Wendsday onwards and i did not want to melt in the heat, so i thought i would get out this afternoon and mow before the heat wave.

I am here now if you would like to talk. I wish i could protect you from all these people Karen, i would be your body guard, i would never allow you to be hurt or intimidated.

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

JacquesSenior Contributor16 Nov 2015, 8:32 pm AEDT

Re: 14th year house bound

Hi @MockingJay, i do realise i have a warpped perspective of the human race, because i don't interact with humans at all, but i can see when i go out once per week how the human race is becomming more rude, demanding, selfish, hateful & nasty.

Religion, money, power, ethnicity and greed is all people are focused on now, it is a very materialistic world with no thought who or what has to suffer for the spoils.

I am so glad i have isolated from the human race, i am so much better off just focusing on animals and plants, they do not suffer from greed, money or hate.

They eat, sleep and wonder, they do not wage war, they only hunt for food, and they do not destroy everything in their wake.

their may be a few humans that are capable of kindness, but it is something humans are not acustomed to do, for thousands of years, possably millions humans have had the need to harm others. i just can't see that ever changing.

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

hiddeniteSenior Contributor16 Nov 2015, 8:54 pm AEDT

Re: 14th year house bound

No need to apologize Jacques I understand you have a life away from me.

Next time someone asks do you have a girl friend you can say yes. I'm a girl and I'm your best friend. So no need to worry about that.

I'm really worried that I told someone what's going on . No there is just a cupboard to keep your things in, so if anyone want to take anything they can.

I would be very grateful to have you as my bodyguard Jacques I seem to attract people who abuse me, I don't know why. Maybe they see me as pathetic and weak an easy target.

Thanks for your support j

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