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14th year house bound

14th year house bound

Hi Everyone,

I am new hear, after being removed from other mental health forums for my depressive thoughts i thought i would give this forum a try, this is my story.

I am 33 live with my mother, i am almost compeatly housebound, i leave my house once in the morning for a walk at 6am and maybe once during the week, both times i leave the house fill me with great anxiety, i have no friends, (the last friend i had was in 2001), i have never had a job, never had a girlfriend and never been able to leave my parents side, my father died in 2001 and i have always suffered seperation anxiety the last time i had a night away from home was 1994 for one night (parents had to pick me up at midnight because i was so frantic).

I have spent most of the past 14 years in my room, or the shed, never much out of the yard, no one in my town knows me, people stare and ask each other behind my back if any one knows who i am.

I have only had an income for the past year and spend the previous 7 with no income at all, mum had to use all of her life savings to allow me to live with her and she now has nothing.

I only want to live long enough to care for her in her old age and then i plan to take my own life, i knew from an early age my life would turn out like this, but had no idea how horrible it would be, every day is the same, i often wonder why i keep going, i have very little contact with family (maybe once a year) and i am really struggling to keep going.

Please don't feel distressed about what i am saying, and i am so sorry if i have offended anyone, it is just how i feel.

Their is so much more, but i will leave it at that for the moment, i am shaking and the anxiety is kicking in so thankyou for reading and i will add more later.

Jacques

2719 replies

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In response to: 14th year house bound

Re: 14th year house bound

OMG My angel, hi, i really missed you today.

Yes another busy day, it is raining here at the moment, their is thunder, ,lightening and everything, it is so beautiful, i stood out in the rain this afternoon, and let it fall on my face, it felt good.

Oh no Karen, i hope he is nice to you, i know how you struggle with men, just keep telling yourself not all men are bad, or think of me waking in the room to check on you, see if that helps. the only problem if i was their is you would get a cuddle every 30 min

Oh how did you know, my favourite green sleeping bag, and plety of space

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

Re: 14th year house bound

Awesome j I would love to watch the thunderstorm with you.

Boy I could really use one of those hugs.

Still shaking so badly it's never been like this.

At least I don't have to worry about my safety they make sure of that here.

I hope you are alright and the phone has stopped ringing.

Hope there's plenty of room and don't forget not to squash me

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

Re: 14th year house bound

Oh yes, it is so nice, i have not seen so much rain, it has been like this all through october and november, boy the seasons are changing.

I do wish i could be their to give you a hug, you are shaking because your body is in trauma, it is your body's way of coping with the hospital, i get the same, i had the same a few days ago, the shaking was so bad, mum got frightened that i was having another breakdown.

I am so glad you are safe Karen, i would be so devistated if i lost you, i would not know how to cope without you any more.

Oh Karen their is plenty of room, just look out for my big feet

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

Re: 14th year house bound

Oh I forgot to mention you get to Que up here for your medication it took 45 minutes and there are some really scary men here.

Maybe the sleep medication might actually work

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

Re: 14th year house bound

It is really scary sitting shaking just staring at nothing not being able to talk. The staff are really worried and brought the Dr in.Hopefully the meds will help it never been this bad. My muscles are aching

Don't worry about your feet j mine wouldn't even reach that far down:-)

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

Re: 14th year house bound

Oh Karen that is terrible, having to wait that long, wow, i bet you are really scared, but remember those men are in their for the same reason as you, to get help.

I am glad the nursing staff are their to make sure you are ok and call a doctor when needed. if they are that concerned it seems like you really did need to be their, if only for a break.

i do hope the sleep meds, are going to work for you, please Karen, if you need to talk to someone please don't hesitate to talk to me.

I am so proud of you my angel, it takes a lot of courage and determination to go through with what you have, your achievements asound me you are amazing

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

Re: 14th year house bound

I have to go to mindful classes tomorrow, and other information sessions. It sounds really full on.30 people in one room. I'm already completely freaking out. I have no idea how I'm going to walk in the room let alone speak to strangers.

I hope you have apeaceful day tomorrow you are in my thoughts Jacques.

Big hugs to you my friend.

Goodnight.

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

Re: 14th year house bound

2I will try and talk when I can.

Sleep well my friend,sweat dreams

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

Re: 14th year house bound

Karen please rmember i am going to be their holding your hand, take strength from me, you can do it, you are such a strong woman, if you need to look at the floor and imagine no one is their, that is what i do.

Wow you do have a lot going on tomorrow, i did not know they hold mindfullness and information sessions. Karen you do not have to speak if you don't feel comfortable, no one will force you, take your time, watch your breathing, and if you become too overwhelmed go to your room, their is no shame in that.

Karen you are in my thoughts too Karen, every minute of every day. you are not alone.

Big hugs to you too, get some sleep i will be their holding your hand, if you get scared, i will be their to comfort you. you will never be alone while i am in your thoughts, like you are in mine.

Goodnight my angel, i am counting the hours already till we speak again.

Jacques

In response to: 14th year house bound

Re: 14th year house bound

Hi @Andirose, thank you so much for the suggestion, i will get some tomrrow, i do need something, because i get RLS so often now, i can never sleep when i get it.

I really like the quote you put at the bottom of your messages, it does help to hear things over and over, especially such a beautiful saying.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read the thread and thank you even more for joining in on the conversation, means a lot to me, knowing i am not alone.

Take care

Jacques

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