14th year house bound

Hi My angel,

I will try the rubber band idea, it is good, but i have been doing this a very long time, since i was about 8 or 9, it will be very hard to break.

Please don't be sorry any suggestion will be helpful.

That is a good idea Karen, i wish you would not do it, once it becomes habit it is so hard to break.

Thank you Karen, i hope i am not too bad tomorrow night, i will just be happy to have the week over, i know you know what i mean.

Oh your little one sounds so sweet, she sounds like she is going to be a vet when she grows up, You can always tell a person by how animals act around them, i have never had an animal scared of me, the birds, the lizards, everything just goies about it's daily chores and they don't worry about me going back and fourth.

I am glad you will try. Nothing is impossible j you just have to want it and believe it's is possible.

I know I sound like a hypocrite but I have faith in you Jacques.

You do so much that I am unable, trades and strange people in your home.....

Even here being able to talk to other members and give encouragement to new people. I remember the Jacques that could only post on his own thread. You have come so far j. I am so proud of what you have achieved.

Big hugs my friend.

Remember small steps, it has taken me 8 years to get to this point, you can do it too, just give yourself time and the beliefe that you will do it one day, it will take time, their will be set backs, but in time you will get their Karen.

I am so glad we can support eac hother so much.

You know eve nthoug hi talk to others, or new members, i still get great anxiety, i am so worried i will say the wrong thing, but i force myself to do it, my small steps Karen, just like you.

Waht are you and the girls up to tonight? are the girls excited about going back to school next week? have you settled down a little since getting home?

The girls aren't happy to be home.

There were 15 men playing football in the street but the ball kept hitting the house and Windows. We were all so scared and triggered. They were yelling and being offensive. So the girls were triggered also. We thought they were going to break a window. My anxiety is though the roof and I'm scared about sh .

I'm sorry j but I really do hate men. They scare me so much. I'm still terrified that the men will come back.

I hate living in the suburbs.

I can't wait to be back in the Bush.

Small steps, but I'm a failure.

Oh no Karen,

what a group of losers, i am so sorry that people have to be this way, i am so angry you seem to have to go through this time and time again, it is not fair.

Karen i totally understand, all men you have met have been arrogannt selfish bastards, i know you are scared, you need to call the police if it happens again, i hate living near people too, i wish i could be somewhere, where their is no people, just forest and animals.

Karen you are not a failure, please don't call yourself that, you have suceeded today, please don't let a small setback take away from the good this morning, make sure you and the girls do some mandala, and play some games, you all need some r&r.

Karen i am here if the SH thoughts get too bad, if they escalate please call 000

I'm just so scared of everything it's not fair the girls were so triggered. We sat in my bed together doing mandalas and watching a kids movie. They were both obviously shaken. I couldn't even go outside to tell them to stop. I can't even protect the girls that scares me.

I didn't do enough to protect them from their father and today I didn't protect them from the strange men.

I'm not good enough for them j

You are right, it is not fair you and the girls had to be so triggered, i am so sad you and the girls had to go through that, i have had the same thing happen to me a few years ago, when i confronted the men one pulled out a weapon, i can't believe it but i laughed at him, right to his face, daring him to do it, the scary part was i wanted him to do it, he walked away.

Karen you do protect the girls, you kept them in the house, if the men where being so offensive, their would have been nothing you could do, they may have hurt you, this day in age they just don't care who they hurt.

Karen you are just the right person to be their mum, you make sure they have every advantage at school, medically and physically, you can't protect them all the time, that is not how it works, my parents could not protect me from abusive nuns, i don't blame them, you are the same, you can't blame yourself for others actions.

Karen i think their was a football game on today, i am sure it was just some guys crapping on over the football finals. try not to get too worked up about it, i am sure they will not return.

It's just awful when the three of us all trigger at the same time.

sorry Jacques.

Yea I know I got my hair cut. 1 challenge down.

Have to get my tax done, challenge this week.

Meet with my new psychologist

See girls psychologist

And get a quote to 're stump the house

That's next week

No My angel, don't be sorry, it must be awful seeing the girls go through the same as you, i hope the girls are settling down now, give the man extra hug for comfort.

Please don't be sorry, i am here to support you, unconditiionally.

Karen make sure you take it slow, one day at a time, one thing at a time, i will be with you every step of the way, remember you are not alone.