Feeling hopeless

Welcome @Cat

thanks for sharing.

It sounds as if things have reached breaking point, and you and your husband are in the firing line!

Of course you have done what most parents would do, and extended the invitation for him to come back home, unfortunately this has placed you at the front line of this 'war'.

Who's supporting you at the moment Cat?

I feel that it's important for you to also seek advice and support around managing his behaviour, in conjunction with his own support. If the plan is to continue to allow him to stay, I imagine you will need to set some boundaries around his behaviour and outbursts, and have a consistent approach in doing this, (which may mean enlisting the support of other family members). This wont be easy, which is why I suggest support.

Approaching your GP requesting a referral to see a psychologist under the a mental health care plan, is one approach. Another could be contacting your local community health centre, which often addresses issues regarding mental health, gambling, drinking etc and provides support at a low cost, or may even run support groups.

His debt must be placing a huge strain on him, and ultimately contributing to his psychological health. Has he address this in anyway Cat? His issues are multi pronged, however he would not be alone in this. These are both highly prevalent issues in society generally.

Would you consider contacting psychiatric services and attempting to make a referral for case management for him, given his presentation is not strictly anxiety, and in most likely interrelated, and as such demanding a coordinated management approach?

Another option could be to contact Gamblers help line?

Gamblers helpline

1800 858 858

http://www.responsiblegambling.vic.gov.au/getting-help/ways-to-get-help/phone

This is a Vic. service, but it appears that most states have a similar service.

I really encourage you to get support Cat, in whatever format suits you best.

Best wishes.

heck Feeling hopeless, this all sounds so familiar. blaming yourselves. tough love! but i know it's not easy. i wouldn't give him the money for a start. my daughter has a mental illness, not quite the same as your son but you can't do it on your own and you can't turn him away i know. and don't let it ruin your marriage. i am not married but i have lost a relationship because of it. your life is important too. i go to a support group, have about four professional people i can ring for advice, and i call the ambulance if i have to. i know it might not be appropriate in your circumstance, but if your son is doing drugs he probably should be in some sort of facility. you can't do it on your own. when i look back i should have called the ambulance more often, instead of trying to do it on my own, believe me they don't mind. in your son's case unless he is threatening you it's difficult, maybe he should be in hospital where he can be stabilised to start with. my daughter has a case manager and psychiatrist at our local mental health clinic, who are invaluable i don't known what i would do without them.

hi Cat

i know what it feels like to be scared and worried. i completely sympathise with you. my daughter was suicidal and when they are in that state, angry and psychotic, all you can think about is keeping them alive. just so you don't go downhill, like me, get as many people on board as you can, you will feel the weight lift off your shoulders, and realise that no it is not your fault, you're doing the best you can. all the best.

Hi @Cat,

My son 20 has just been admitted under a section 4 ( involuntary Hospitalisation ).

We had a major incident weekend just past, he became very violent his life has spiralled out of contriol.

Part due to his mentla illness and trigger by events he had no control over , no control ones are his fiancee left, he has been diagnosed with a sever lung disease, and he has lost his jog all in a spcae of 3-5 minths. This has overwhelmed him and he is not well enough to make sound decsions at the moment.

He has an unconfirmed diagnosis Pshcotic/depression/ possible Bi Pola ( I am Bi pola myself)

A lot of what you said rung true to me . My son blames me for a lot of his problems . My genetics, favouring another child over him and a lot of other things. This was very hard to hear but I understand it is his illness that is making him see things that way.

My wife and I are seeing a councelor today to debreif around our descion to have police involved and the section 4. We are feeling a massive mix of guilt, relief and anger. All mixed up and making me feel like being sick at any moment.

Getting support from extrenal professionals is great as they are not directly involved and can offer grest advice and referals to other supports.

I wish you the best on your journey and you always have undestaning people on these forums.

I can see why your heading says "Feeling Hopeless", I have been and am currently a carer for my Grandfather with Schizophrenia and now for my Dad with Bipolar.

It has been a long road that seems ongoing. Dad isn't too bad, he has good days and bad day's but really quiet manageable. Pop was another story. He was very agressive, had massive financial issues and would often tell people I was hurting him and stealing money from him, so many lies. He would say the most horrible things, none true and he would yell abuse at me. I was often scared and had no idea what to do. I was only 27 and found it hard, why would someone that I loved and that I knew loved me back hate me so much, especially when all I was doing was trying to help.

n my case Pop was finnally put into a mental ward and placed on a community order reciving regular injections allowing him to calm enough to access services. Now he moved into a nursing home and now 10 years later I find myself carring for my Dad, but with better knowledge and skills.

I can't tell you how your story will turn out or let you know that it will be okay, for me it was stressfull and a massive strain on evertything, marrage, children, work and my own mental health. The only help or advice I can give you is PLEASE look after yourselves. Acess Carers services, take time out and spend time by yourself and your relationships with partners, family and friends.

We often are so overwhemed by the person we are caring for that we forget to care for ourselves. Call a carer service today, you will find your local contact numbers on the web under CARERS (insert State) or Mental illness fellowship (insert State) I hope this can help change Hopelss to supported.

Good Luck