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dont try to do it on your own, it's IMPOSSIBLE

hopeandsupportSenior Contributor07 May 2015, 2:33 pm AEST

dont try to do it on your own, it's IMPOSSIBLE

Hi everyone I am new to this forum and just good to know there are others struggling like me. I find there is a lot of support, people to phone and talk to, groups to attend. but when you are doing it on your own, with no partner that is, it is more difficult. I have a massage once a week, walk as much as I can, when my daughter is asleep. I think this is the most difficult thing, just not having the freedom to do what you used to do. Support is the key though, you can't do it on your own. i have given up hobbies, can only do a bit of volunteer work and have to force myself to go to the hairdresser etc. but you MUST do it. because one day it will get better. i get respite when i can too.

10 replies

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In response to: dont try to do it on your own, it's IMPOSSIBLE

HobbitSenior Contributor07 May 2015, 5:24 pm AEST

Re: dont try to do it on your own, it's IMPOSSIBLE

Hi @hopeandsupport,

Firstly, a big welcome to the forums to you!! And I love your forum name!! I am sure this is exactly what you will find here - hope and support.

I take it you are caring for your daughter?? Caring can be such a difficult role, you want to do it the best you can, it's a 24/7 job, and there's the added emotional impact of the person you are caring for being an immediate family member, someone you really love. And all this come with no instruction book!!

From reading your post, it sounds like you are doing it hard, and not having the freedom to do what you used to do is tough and must take a lot of adjustment.

But I read a lot of really positive things too. For example, the very title of your post tells me you know that it's impossible to do everything on your own!! It sounds like you reach out for help where you can, via support groups, etc. And this is a real strength - being able to put your hand up and ask for help. I think this not only benefits you but ultimately your daughter as well.

And now you have come here to these forums - good on you!! There is a heap of support here, believe me. We are all friends here!! I would like to invite some other of our wonderful members to come and say hello when they can @Alessandra1992 @PeppiPatty@Louise@peppy@Former-Member@Crazy_Bug_Lady

Also, have a look at this thread - it's a thread where new members introduce themselve to others on the forum, you might find it some great reading.

Really good to hear from you. @hopeandsupport - keep posting!!

Hobbit.

In response to: dont try to do it on your own, it's IMPOSSIBLE

Crazy_Bug_LadySenior Contributor07 May 2015, 5:43 pm AEST

Re: dont try to do it on your own, it's IMPOSSIBLE

Welcome welcome!!
I have found this forum a wonderful place where I can chat and ask questions and offer support and advice without being judged, or worried I'm being judged. Which is why I joined. I had to talk to somebody who *understands*, who knows exactly what I'm dealing with, and can offer advice.
Hope you enjoy it here as much as I have, and hope to "see" you around.
-CBL- 😊

In response to: Re: dont try to do it on your own, it's IMPOSSIBLE

PeppiPattySenior Contributor07 May 2015, 9:25 pm AEST

Re: dont try to do it on your own, it's IMPOSSIBLE

Hi
how are you?? I'm so impressed that your going to the hairdresser.....I worked feral driving around Western Australia.....no not the whole, just the whole of the major city, Perth.......caring for all types of people ...I felt just to pay for a few years of tutoring for when my sons were in High School and a facial once per month......

then my oldest son went to live with my brother over East and ......paid more money on tutoring for my youngest son, cared for him, worked, therapy and.......had a facial once per month.........

those were the days.... many fond memories of facials once per month.........

In response to: dont try to do it on your own, it's IMPOSSIBLE

MojoSenior Contributor08 May 2015, 8:45 am AEST

Re: dont try to do it on your own, it's IMPOSSIBLE

Hi hopeandsupport,

Welcome to the forum.I am so glad you have found us.As you have experienced already, it is such a safe and caring enviroment that allows people like yourself to share how they are feeling without been judged.There are so many amazing,supportive and caring people out there.You are one of them.

Take care and keep posting. Mojo.

In response to: dont try to do it on your own, it's IMPOSSIBLE

MIFANTCARERSenior Contributor08 May 2015, 1:54 pm AEST

Re: dont try to do it on your own, it's IMPOSSIBLE

Welcome,

Your so right, as Carers we often get so busy with everyone eles life and carry so much that we forget to do the little things for ourselves. Taking the time for ourself is important, even if it is just a quick walk or quiet moment hidding in my house it is life saving, I use to feel so guilty, but not any more.

At times it can feel impossible, overwhelming, exhausting, look after me is imporatnt and we should all take time to do so.

You are so right, we shouldn't always try to do everthing on our own.

Thank you for starting this conversation, It is okay to reach out and ask for help, it is okay to say no and it is okay to spoil yourself and have time out!!!!!

In response to: Re: dont try to do it on your own, it's IMPOSSIBLE

NikNikSenior Contributor10 May 2015, 7:43 pm AEST

Re: dont try to do it on your own, it's IMPOSSIBLE

@hopeandsupport - what type of volunteer work do you do?

I think it's a great way to get involved, meet people, give back and learn new things!

In response to: dont try to do it on your own, it's IMPOSSIBLE

CazzieSenior Contributor24 May 2015, 6:19 pm AEST

Re: dont try to do it on your own, it's IMPOSSIBLE

Hi @hopeandsupport. You do well in your situation. I used to do volunteer work but had to give it up when we discovered my husband had bowel cancer almost five years ago.
Hairdressers and massage therapists are not in my price range now my only income is the Carers' Payment. And respite is when he goes fishing or shooting with a friend instead of me because he doesn't require alternative caring.
Unfortunately his cancer metastasized late last year and he's just had surgery to remove it. We're now looking at another six months of chemo. The waiting for this treatment to commence is really taking it's toll on both of us. We've been through it before but now we're five years older and my husband is far less able to cope with the emotional implications so its putting even greater strain on me as both his wife and his carer.

In response to: dont try to do it on your own, it's IMPOSSIBLE

Unknown userMember26 July 2015, 6:05 pm AEST

Re: dont try to do it on your own, it's IMPOSSIBLE

Hi @hopeandsupport,

I have just read your first post to this thread and agree that it is hard to try and do it on your own.

Also I found myself wondering why you had trouble going to the hairdresser. It is something I have a bit of trouble with too. The difficult part for me is the conversation. The what do you do, what are you doing today, what are you doing on the weekend etc etc. It is so hard to make small talk about my life.

Hope you are doing well.

cheers,

Carer101.

In response to: Re: dont try to do it on your own, it's IMPOSSIBLE

hopeandsupportSenior Contributor27 July 2015, 12:06 pm AEST

Re: dont try to do it on your own, it's IMPOSSIBLE

Hi Carer101

Nice to hear from you. Yes, I think you are right, going to the hairdresser should be something to look forward to. But I always seem to make excuses, and it is partly psychological too. My social life like yours by the sound of it is pretty non-existent at the moment, so I tell myself what is the point of getting my hair done, but eventually I have to get it trimmed nothing fancy. A couple of weeks ago things were improving and I was actually starting to feel better about myself, but then it all went pear shaped again. We have just moved which doesn't help things. When I do speak to people I do tell them that I am caring for my daughter, and they are usually sympathetic. My hair was actually falling out there for a while and going grey at a rate of knots! but it seems a bit better lately. There are things that I want to do for myself but they are just on hold at moment. We can only hope that things improve. I hope things get better for you too sooner rather than later.

In response to: Re: dont try to do it on your own, it's IMPOSSIBLE

AppleblossomSenior Contributor27 July 2015, 11:11 pm AEST

Re: dont try to do it on your own, it's IMPOSSIBLE

I think it is interesting that you both mention hairdressers.

Low self esteem about my looks and the making of small talk were big problems for me too.

They were a bug bear in my life .. and mostly I have dealt with it by cuttng my own hair. Occasionally I go .. maybe every few years. Hair is an indicator of stress and mine was dreadful before and during my separation.

I have gotten over it in the sense that I can have good conversations with hairdressers when it happens but I have relaxed into a style that it is not really my thing.

Glad to read your posts. @hopeandsupport and @Former-Member

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