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I want to know if it's possible to recover, I've had mental health issues my entire life and it just keeps getting worse. I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 17 and did therapy for a year or so and was on meds that never helped. Then after school my anorexia got bad. I then I first ended up in hospital after a serious suicide attempt. Things just got worse from there. I stopped going to therapy a few months later because it wasn't helping. I was self harming everyday and often needed medical attention. It wasn't long til one of my suicide attempts put me in a coma. I was so angry that I was still alive. Couple of months later I went to a rehab program for my ED and self harm. I hated those 5 months but it did stop my ED. But I was still self harming. Then over the last year and a half nothing has changed I still feel like I'm just spiraling downwards. I did dbt for a while and now I'm in therapy twice a week. I've had 44 psych admissions due to suicidal ideation and self harm. I constantly feel depressed, I hear voices, I see things, I occasionally get manic, I can't stop my emotions or urges. I'm pathetic. Will it ever get better. Will it go away I don't even know why I'm sharing my story. I guess I just want to find hope again. I don't know how much more I can fight my demons...
You are not alone. There are people who have experienced something similar to your experience, and have questioned if things will ever get better. And they have gotten through it to find better days.
I want you to know that this will pass. All things come and go. I understand that this might not take the pain away right now, but I hope that you can find some solace in knowing that it will eventually move on.
@BatGuano@BlueButterfly50@kenny66@Crazy_Bug_Lady and @kato are among a few people who I think might be able to relate to your experience. I wonder if they can offer some words of advice/support here.
Remember if things get too much and you feel unsafe, contact the numbers that I emailed you.
Stay safe,
CB
In response to: Re: will it get better
Unknown userMember
Re: will it get better
Hi @redhead, wish i had a magical button to press for you. Keep fighting, keep going, one day at a time. You've made it this far and you're still trying. You are courageous and resilient to have gotten through so much! Its not going to go away over night, but it is possible to recover. Ask you therapist about long term, what do they see happening for you, what is their/your 1 month plan/6month plan etc. Holding hope for you while its so hard, and sitting here with you, LJ
In response to: will it get better
Crazy_Bug_LadySenior Contributor
Re: will it get better
@redhead I'm so sorry you feel this way. Like LJ said, speak to your therapist about long-term. I know how hopeless it seems, but you've gotta keep fighting for the better days. I know how hard it seems, but the voices/inner demons are wrong. You belong here. You would be missed. I count everyone I talk to on this forum a friend, and that includes you.
In response to: will it get better
MojoSenior Contributor
Re: will it get better
Hi redhead,
I hear that you sharing your story is telling me that you want to find hope again. This forum is a fantastic place for people to know that they aren't alone and that no matter how hard things are there is still hope.Reading your post I see that you took yourself off to a rehab programe for your eating disordes and self harm. 5 months later you over came your ED. That showed me that change can happen.
You used the word pathetic when describing yourself. I would like to change that to inspirational . You are an inspiration to us by showing the strength and courage you have to keep going though these tough times.
I hope this forum shows you that there are people around that care and are here to help you through this and to help you find peace again.
Please take care. Mojo.
In response to: will it get better
Unknown userMember
Re: will it get better
Hi Redhead,
I am so pleased you have shared you story with us. I admire your strenth in doing this. I guess others reading this may also gain the strenth to reach out as well.
Thanks Readhead
Kindly
Tria
In response to: will it get better
redheadSenior Contributor
Re: will it get better
Thanks everyone. Your words and encouragement means a lot. I guess if I continue to work at it things will slowly get better.
@Former-Member@Crazy_Bug_Lady i guess me and my therapist long term goal as getting stable enough to live without therapy. We hope to get to a point where I'm studying or working, got on the right medication, not have the extreme high or lows or be as unstable as I am and be happy with the person I am.
@Mojo thanks. I had already started recovering from my ED before I went to the program but I guess your right. I overcame the ED and I'm a stronger person because of it.
In response to: will it get better
Crazy_Bug_LadySenior Contributor
Re: will it get better
Keep on fighting, and learning. There's not a quick fix unfortunately, which I suddenly realised recently after a 'meltdown' which came out of nowhere. But you gotta fight the bad stuff. I am a massive Doctor Who nerd, and there was a quote that really stuck with me: " Every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don't always spoil the good things and make them unimportant" It always reminds me that while bad stuff happens, you gotta remember good stuff too. Find something, anything, and remember how good it is. It doesn't necessarily need to be a big thing. At the moment I'm working with cattle on Sundays, so that is what I fight through the week for. Doing stuff with the cattle and three friends that are with me. Before that, it was really small things. Sitting in the park at dawn and watching the world wake up, and watching the Monarch butterflies. Given that it was a Monarch butterfly that convinced me to seek treatment, they will always be special to me.
In response to: Re: will it get better
Unknown userMember
Re: will it get better
Hi @redhead
your long term goals sound similar to mine, we'll have to hold on to some hope together and for each other we get there sooner rather than later but most importantly i guess it just means we have to keep putting one foot in front of the other to make sure we do get there.
Is there anyway that you could break those goals down a little bit further into something more measureable or short term? I need to have something right infront of me to reach for (no patience). i dont know if its somthing that would work for you but im such a freak for analysing things i have to be able track and record things to see if they're progressing in someway. Like using scales for the anxiety (can i keep the anxiety from getting to a 10 out of 10 6/7 days of the week. If eating is a problem (it was before i started a new horrible yucky medication!) i'd have a scale of have i eaten 3 times today etc and because i'm a perfectionist i hate failing lol! probably not something that works for everyone! But i think we can keep working to find strategies that work for us, just gotta persevere as much as you can to find things that will help right now, then those strategies will probably change and grow as we do... hopefully as they are needed less etc.
not sure if this makes sense, i'm so tired tonight! Holding on to hope for you, and here with you,
LJ
In response to: will it get better
redheadSenior Contributor
Re: will it get better
@Former-Member my short term goals include sticking with therapy. Getting into tafe next semester. And getting ready for my European holiday in 2 months. My psychiatrist has for me starting a mood journal to help keep track of my moods and see if there are any patterns.
Redhead: had a bad night last night and relapsed pretty badly. Why does it have to be so hard. I know I gotta take this one day at a time but it still sucks atm
In response to: Re: will it get better
Unknown userMember
Re: will it get better
ooh how exciting to be going on holiday! that sounds like a great thing to work towards! Tafe sounds exciting too, can i ask what you want to study? I left my work in January, it was something i had a lot of passion for, but now not sure if i wnt to go back to it or not, but not sure i want to go back and study anything else either!
I havent been sleeping much at the moment, i can either take meds that make me quite sick, but do make me sleep for a few hours, or not take the meds and not sleep. Not sure what's worse at the moment, so really struggling a bit too. Its so hard, and seems totally unfair.. maybe one day there'll be some sorts of easier 'cures' for us. Until then the battle goes on! One day at a time.
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