Art

Thought I'd share a Cheetah I painted as part of a mental health week art exhibition.

This one I did to explain to my doctors one of my delusions. Basically I thought I had a microchip involuntarily inserted into my brain which controlled how I felt and acted. I then thought the world was spying on me as part of the "experiment". I thought I could hear demons talking to me.

Cheetah I painted -- O love it @Queenie xx

they are both very clever @Queenie

Here's the doodle I did the other day @outlander, @Faith-and-Hope, @Mazarita. I mucked with it a bit on the computer too 😉

I love it @Former-Member .... ❣️

Have just seen yours now too @Queenie...... 💕

Here is my coffee shop sketch this morning .....

@Faith-and-Hope

I'm not just waiting . . . I'm anticipating 🙂

I love yours too @Faith-and-Hope, I can't do 'real' things 😉

Do you ever feel, . . . I don't know if the word is embarrassed, self-concious maybe, when your drawing in public?

Hi @Former-Member .... I have at times before, but not really now. I know I have enough technical skill to turn out a reasonable drawing, and that is all it needs to be.

I think embarrassment and self-consciousness comes from either fearing the judgement of others, or feelings that what you produce isn’t good enough for a standard you may have set for yourself.

i went to boarding school and was bullied there at times. I know that feeling of losing your self-confidence in front of others. I used to play the guitar and sing, so one day, soon after going to boarding school, I sat on my bed to play guitar and sing, and one girl came past and said loudly, “You can’t sing ! Why don’t you just shut up ? We don’t have to listen to this !” My confidence fell, and I found I was singing out of tune .... so I did stop, embarrassed.

It was the same with netball. I used to be able to throw goals really easily, but at boarding school I played a game of netball, and the same girl with a group of her friends came to the sidelines with folded arms and stood their smirking as I threw a goal .... and missed ..... then they laughed and mocked me for believing that I could be a good goalie ....

So how do you get your confidence back after something like that ? There have been a couple of moments that taught me a great deal about that.

One was when I was carrying a couple of cups of tea towards my grandma on a tray ...... walking slowly and carefully and watching the tea rocking around in the cups ready to spill. She asked me to stop where I was .... put my head up .... look her in the eye .... and walk towards her as if I weren’t carrying a tray of teacups .... and guess what ? I walked smoothly, and the tea barely rocked at all .... because I was focussed on what I was doing (taking tea to my grandma) and not on whether the tea would spill or not.

The other circumstance was when I was in a ballet concert. I was a good dancer for my age - around 11 years old - and I had been given a solo part. When the music started for my dance in the concert, I suffered stage fright and forgot my steps. My dance teacher ran to the other side of the stage behind the backdrop, and started directing me from where she was, where I could see her off the side of the stage, making up a new version of the dance, close enough to what it was supposed to be for me to follow her movements and get through the segment. As soon as the curtain dropped she swept me up in a big hug, and told me I had done beautifully, that it happens to everyone at some time or other, and we had managed it together. She practiced with me the next afternoon ahead of the second concert, and I was fine that second night.

Drawing in public ? Just look at what you want to draw, or what you are seeing in your imagination, and just draw away ..... if anyone comments, just tell them you are practicing sketching, or experimenting with styles, or whatever you want. It only matters if you believe it matters. Those bullies are long gone from my life, and I know I can sing and throw goals .... and it’s more likely someone will compliment you on your drawing, and muse that they wished they had the confidence to try drawing in public, and maybe they will now, seeing that you are, and you’re okay with it ....