Finally a diagnosis

@suzyQ

Hi there. Whilst I have experience with BDP dealing with my foster son, my daughter is in the same boat as yours. She (as I now see) has struggled with anxiety from a young age. It has broken my heart to see her go from a popular, A grade student to one with few real friends - battling with self loathing and the realisation that she will not achieve her potential this year in the HSC.

She is harder on herself than we could ever be. All I can hope is that time will take her to where she wants to be.

She doesn't have a BPD diagnosis but even so, her experiences mirror your daughters.

I don't have any words of wisdom but know you are not alone.

As for BDP and school I have been fortunate that my foster son's school have been incredibly supportive. I printed out everything I could get my hands on and they have gone above and beyond to make things as stress free as possible. If your daughter wants to stay in school then bombard them with information. TAFE is an option if she's happy to not have the structure of a school environment. A friend of mines daughter has left school at 16 and has gone to TAFE and it's working well.

Yes, you will cry everyday but you will also know what's best for your girl. Trust your instincts.

Sending love and support xx

Thanks Ozk sometimes it's good to hear I'm not alone 🙂

Hi @suzyQ,

I understand your relief with getting a diagnosis. It allows you to have some answers, and some direction on how to respond and treat your daughter - there is nothing that sounds wring with this!

On top @OzK's wonderful advice, you may want to do as much research you can about BPD. Connecting with others who have similar experiences like OzK is great a start. There are also a few other threads that you might want to check out on her. @Allig started this thread about her daughter who was diagnosed with BPD in her teens (now in her 20s). @Allig perhaps you have some insights about how she coped and cared for her daughter throughout her teens? And perhaps @devotedmum can offer some advice. She started this thread about her daughter who had also had BPD. In that thread @Ann talks about how she's learned to care for her unwell daughter. Feel free to add to those threads and use the '@' mention to feature to get people's attention.

SANE Australia has this online resource that you might find useful too.

@suzyQ have you had a chat to your dauther about what she thinks might be good for her? I think allowing your daughter to have some imput into decisions about schooling might help to give her a sense of agency.

Hi @suzyQ, sorry I know you responded to my thread but I have only just had a chance to read yours.

My son had a similar situation with his school not suiting his needs and I moved him at the end of last term. It was the best decision I have made as he is now in a school that is more like a TAFE and there are other kids there with their own challenges (not sure what they are but generally they don't fit the normal school system). He was a different boy right away but has had some challenges related to a girlfriend and a breakup at school that didn't help him at all. But in saying that when he had his meltdown the other kids actually cared and he got messages and was reached out to by a number of students. This wouldn't have happened at his old school.

I am not recommending that you change your daughters school just for the sake of it but there are other options out there and it is definitley worth investigating. It is scary and for me C's old school was awesome with the level of care and support he received and I was very afraid to move him....but it was the best decision for him. His new school also provides a high level of support but it hasn't been needed nearly as much.

And right now I feel like I cry every day. It is horrible but we cry because we care so much and can only help so much. Hopefully things get better soon.

x

Thanks Sharonm. I think she'll finish year 10 at her current school and we'll discuss further options for next year. I suppose what works for us is a lot of discussions, she's getting to an age where she needs to be aware of her triggers and take some responsibility. We're attempting to help her become happy and safe. She definately has chores and we have expectations about her behaviour - it's a fine line between having her be accountable and not wanting to rock the boat so sometimes she tries to play the system. In that moment when she's emotional or irrational I don't tend to tackle the issue I rather let her talk and do my best not to offer advice. I do however go back when things are calmer and address the issue then, it's never about blame but more awareness of how the behaviour affected the situation. She's a tough cookie but she's very wary of changes and in life things constantly change. That's something I'm finally doing differently, not making the situation always the same and not jumping in to rescue her (not to say I don't hold my breath every now and then). Small wins all add up and today has been a good day (so far).

Thanks for the school advice 🙂 always here for a chat.

@suzyQ I totally get "playing the system". I have seen C manipulate his psychologist to get her intervention to get what he wants from me using his bipolar as an excuse. Luckily I know him better than he knows himself...but was a bit of a concern that the psych couldn't see through it!