When to say no to therapy

Hey @Hank,

I've always thought that recovery is like a jigsaw puzzle, it can take a few goes until you find the right piece that fit.

It's not one size fits all, so if certain treatments aren't working, then it's ok to to try something else, but I think that's the main point - you keep trying.

Perhaps check in with the doc first, as I understand that some alternative treatments (e.g., herbal medicines) can interfere with other medication.

Also, just thought that I should let you know that you've posted in the Lived Experiences Forums, which is generally for people who have a mental illness. It's ok to post here if you don't have a mental illness, but if you're wanting a carer's perspective, feel free to post in carers.

Hello @Hank

excellent news that your daughter has put weight back on

I am assuming blood tests etc all proved positive too

that is a huge achievement within that time frame

eating disorders present covering up underlying issues

do you think that the top layer has been fixed so to speak and now other issues are being revealed

this would be terrifying for your daughter who worked so hard to disguise those feelings

it sounds to me that progress has been made and now your daughter is at the next stage feeling overwhelmed and frightened with all of the suppressed feelings reassure her

have you spoken to the therapist..what next?

keep open communication with her

have you checked out all info re the disorder, possible underlying concerns, where to go next?

Greetings Hank. The answer is in the last place you look. Any time is good to get another angle on things- up to a point, though. Much of the Eastern based therapies are possibly preventative based rather than curative, like the western ones. That being said, they may provide another angle , a perspective which gives a better or more acceptable answer to an issue. Even part of a glimpse can be enough. For myself, much is subjective. Things need to be significant on my level. Try ! Mind you, if something seems too good to be true; it is. All the weird modalities out there attract weird people and a healthy dose of skeptisism could be good. Quite a few alternative folks really know how to make money too. Tis all unknown so just be careful. Word of mouth is good. For me a sense of humour is necessary. And they must look and feel grounded. Cheers

Hi @Hank,

I agree with what @Former-Member has said. I think your daughter's therapy has been working as she is now weight-restored. But once we get treatment for our issues, it brings them into clearer focus and we can no longer hide from them.

I think a lot of people have the feeling that 'therapy is not working' because therapy often brings painful emotions to the surface where we can deal with them. Then it feels like we will always be in pain and that our issues will always torment us.... but this is actually not the case- what happens is we begin to deal with our painful emotions and we gradually move forward. In can be a very gradual forward movement- with many small set-backs, that can feel overwhelming at the time.

Being around your daughter 24/7 would be a huge strain for any teenager- parent relationship.... even if the teeneager didn't have an ED. With you doctor's permission, can you allow your daughter to go out on the weekends with her old friends? Movies, beach, picnics, whatever? That way she has time to be a 'normal' teenager.

Can she recommence going to school or look at doing a course?

If she has a particular issue with one of her therapists/doctors, then it would be good if you could encourage her to talk about it. These things can be resolved. Your daughter might respond better to a psychologist who is close to her own age, for example.

I'm sorry to say I am not a parent, so I guess I can't imagine what your situation would be like... I did have a mild ED when I was a teenager which went untreated, in spite of multiple threats from my parents! I believe my ED was related to my anxiety. I more or less out-grew the ED tendancies by the time I was 18.

Iv had an eating disorder for 23yrs. It has moved from anorexia too bulimia, and something in between. Some periods Iv been physically better, but the mental state is always there in some form.

I can honestly say when I was weight restored it was horrid. I thought because I was a normal weight I no longer had a problem. For some been underweight proves they have a problem. And yes it did feel worse in some ways. But that could be because she's actually facing it. I have tried recovery a few times. The CBT would help for a couple of months or less even, then I would relapse. Now I'm actually trying to recover, but for me. In the past it has always been for others, to make them happy and get them off my back. Even now I find it hard too even comprehend I have a problem because I'm a normal weight. BUT I know my behaviours are far from ok, and things have been slipping in some ways. But I'm now honest with it. Im trying to make a difference now before I get physically really ill, because it is more difficult to get out of it.

the first thing in recovery is weight restoration, because then you are mentally in a better place, as restriction changes your mental state a LOT. It's a long road, and each journey is different for everyone. Just support her like you are doing.

eating disorders are very complex, and everyday, every hour, every minute all you think of is how "fat" you are and food....

i wouldn't give up. If you have an eating disorder specialist stick with them. There are few around. Iv found that non experianced therapist can be very detrimental as they don't understand. Iv had experiences where they have said something that has really triggered me. Do ok into options, but some sort of therapy is better than none.

good luck x