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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Phoenix_Rising

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

That's ok @CheerBear 💟
I don't expect you to reply straight away,especially when you're going through a difficult time.
There are times when I don't feel up to replying straight away.

I just felt silly for whinging.

🌸🌼🌹🌷

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I'm sorry to hear you felt silly for whinging. I didn't see any whinging at all @Former-Member. I so much understand those panic feelings and how draining and yuck they can be. I hope the meds help things. You've been having a really hard time 😞

I have my fluffy pink blanket on me super tight and it won't leave me for a while now. No bag packed yet. I can't do it at the moment. I've got some music on because it's too quiet here with no fish and no kittens thumping around. Sending you big hugs Bella
💗💛😘

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

So...I don't know about anyone else, but the last two hours of my life didn't go quite according to plan. Thank you for being here and there with me @CheerBear @Shaz51 @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope. @Shaz51 is that a picture of me in a swinging chair that you posted??? That's super cool!

@CheerBear do you think they will have chairs like that at the break place? Wow, the hours just can't go fast enough now until we go to the break place can they!!! On the bright side, I guess if a tornado has to converge with the storm I was already in, break-place-eve is probably as good a time as any for that to happen.

@CheerBear I super super super SUPER love the picture of me snuggled in the pink fluffy blanket (or was it a pocket, I forget!). To be honest, that probably is pretty much what I look like when I'm snuggled under the blanket in A's office...although her blanket is a brown fleecy one.

So...I guess we all sort-of kind-of noticed that my brain can get really really REALLY broken sometimes, more so than is generally apparent in my posts. Even though I often post while being too overloaded to talk, I usually (and by "usually" I mean "always" up until tonight's tsunami hit) wait for the big feelings to settle enough for me to string a sentence together. Clearly something went a little awry tonight. Oh well, it is what it is. Super giant thank you for staying so close until @CherryBomb arrived. This evening really did go to hell in a handbasket, but tomorrow is a brand new day. All is well.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Yes, tomorrow is a new day.

I'm about to log off for the evening, but I just want to say you did amazing tonight @Phoenix_Rising at staying afloat during a huge tidal wave.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Phoenix_Rising - so here but not here. I'm busy creating another not-friend which I am really excited about showing you. I shall be back.

Super glad to see you here back though 🙂

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear well don't rush the new not-friend too much because I'm about to fall into bed so the great unveiling of the not-friend will have to wait until tomorrow morning. Being super emotionally dysregulated is EXHAUSTING! I may not be around here in Forum Land until later in the day tomorrow but I am oh-so-excited to be going to the break place. You know the cool thing about super gigantic storms @CheerBear? With every one we survive, it gives us more confidence that we can survive the next one. It doesn't make the next one hurt any less or any easier to cope with, but there is definitely something valuable in building up a strong track record of having a 100% success rate of surviving every single storm to-date! Night CheerBear. You've got this.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Shaz51 is that a picture of me in a swinging chair that you posted??? That's super cool!--- sure is @Phoenix_Rising xx

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear Just popping in to visit your nest for a little while - I hope that is ok

How are you doing? Been a while since we caught up! But I always have the fridge stocked with gelato for you

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hey @Zoe7 - super happy to see you pop into the nest 🙂

I'm currently crocheting a jellyfish (but we can't tell Phoenix_rising - it's a surprise) to take away with me tomorrow.

How are you going? Thank you for keeping the freezer stocked. I try to come past every now and then and say hi but TOR can get so busy.
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