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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thanks @Former-Member ☺

🙁 for you very not good night. Not good nights can make for not good days for me. I hope today is not terrible for you. People are listening and caring and with you as much as we can be for being not-with you.

🌸

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thank you, @CheerBear. I hope your day has been okay. 🌷

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

It's been seriously hot and muggy here @Former-Member, which has slowed everyone down. It's uncomfortable but slow is good at least and I've been a little productive, done a couple of things with the LF and they seem happy enough to have chilled for the rest of the time which we have all done a bit of today so that's definitely an ok day thanks. I am thinking it might be hot where you are too and I am imagining it is not feeling great for you?

Have you gotten up to anything you can/want to share?

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Seriously hot and muggy sounds seriously ick, @CheerBear. 🙁 I’m glad the LF have been chill-ish (though that is probably not the best choice of adjective in this weather). It is hot here. 🙁 It hasn’t stopped being really hot for more than a week and it looks like another week before we have a less warm day. 🙁 I am not coping with the heat more than usual. I don’t think it’s any hotter than last year, maybe I’m just more broken-brain-ish right now. I’m really struggling with the fact that I’ll probably have to get through another summer here (after this one) before I can get to Tassie. Silly, tricky (and expensive) stretch of water. 🙁

Anyway, sorry to sook. I haven’t done much of anything today, just some washing. I tried to read but my concentration is still super wonky, which made me get mad at myself. (Reading is usually my one reliable ‘good’ coping strategy—several books a week, at least. I really hope I can read again soon.) I did manage a short nap (I don’t usually nap, so go me) but I’m not sure I feel better for it.

Listen to me, spilling negativity everywhere. I'm stopping now. (This is why I've been trying to just stay out of everyone's way.) 😕

I hope the night is cooler so you and your awesome LF can get some sleep later. 🌷

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Maybe chill = so melted in the heat they have no energy. Funny to think of chill in a not-funny way today as we melt @Former-Member.

I'm sorry to hear you're not coping with the heat. It seems like we have similar weather and I have hit not coping well with it today which is unusual, so I can hear you when you say it's hard for you. It's hard to imagine summer :S

Seems like a frustrating day for you which sucks. Also hearing you with the concentration. I find it painful that my brain is as mashed as it is and that things are so much harder than they need to be for it 😞 Do you like/watch any tv or movies?

I know it can be hard to speak up when feeling blegh but for what it is worth, I don't think it is spilling negativity to share what's happening. I think that can be called stepping out to be seen and heard. If it feels ok to do, please do. Please don't stay out of the way if you want to be here - unless someone is armed with a whipper snipper or something 😉

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

You make me laugh, @CheerBear. 😁 I think maybe it’s too hot for whippersnippering, so hopefully I’m safe for now. 😊

I do watch movies and TV shows sometimes. Because I’m poor financially-limited, I watch a lot of catch-up/on demand stuff on ABC and SBS. (Being DVD player-less is also not helpful.) Really though, I'm a book nerd. I have soooooo many books sitting here, waiting to be read ... I really just want to dive into them. 🙁

Thank you for being you, @CheerBear. You really are super awesome. 🌷🦄

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I have to tell you something funny that ties in well with the whippersnippering @Former-Member. You know how I said I was really clumsy which is why the snipper is a bad idea? So what has just happened was the LF wanting a lounge room campout. I went to unfold the sofa and found some of Noodle's little balls under it and a book I haven't seen for ages which was like "ooh look shiny things". I knelt on a half unfolded bed to reach my arms under the sofa and the thing folded back in on itself so my head went down, my butt went up and both of my arms were stuck in between the rails of the bed and the back of the lounge. It was bad. I had a moment of thinking both of my wrists were about to break if I let go and it folded in more, but I couldn't get myself up (they're squished a bit and kind of sore but ok). Plus side was my LF all came to the rescue with Big asking whether to call for help, clown getting a bag of ice and puffer getting the book and reading quietly away from it all. And then some laugh crying after. But that's me and my clumsy (and why no-one should be near me with power tools haha!) :face_with_rolling_eyes:😆

Catch up tv is good for flicking through sometimes I think. My concentration issues can extend to TV/movies too though. I started watching the Good Doctor and thought that was kind of cool recently. Would be really frustrating as a couple of books a week person to not be able to read them though.

I sort of think you're pretty awesome bookish ☺ Thank you for always saying such feel good things and for letting us get to know you!

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Oh no, @CheerBear! 🙁 That is soooo something that would happen to me. I too got an extra helping of the clumsy gene. 😊 I hope you’re okay. Ouch! Such warm fuzzies from the LF coming to your aid (especially the contribution of a certain 🐡). Your LF really are all sorts of awesome. 💚

It’s funny you mention the lack of concentration with movies and TV. A couple of times recently I’ve turned things off half way through. Bah. Brains (of the squished melty variety at least) are so over-rated. I’ve been watching The Good Doctor. It has made me cry my eyes out several times with its moments of connection and humanity and understanding. Or maybe I’m just the world’s biggest (clumsiest) sook. 😊

I really do hope you’re okay and that you enjoy your lounge room campout after all that. Maybe try to stay away from anything with moving parts? 😊 🌷

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Yay for missing the condensability gene but being given an extra dose of the clumsy one @Former-Member 😆! I'm ok thanks - laughing now and they were too (now they're movie watching) ☺ haha re moving parts. Maybe I should just live in one of these 😉

I watched Wonder Woman a little while back but hadn't been able to sit through a movie for ages before that. I can get right into it and then it's like a switch that goes, yeah nah. Strange. I might try and get to the next Good Doctor. It is pretty good. I'm a pretty enormous sook too, especially if there's a heart grabbing song attached to a scene.

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