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I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.
In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.
Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.
I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.
Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.
Sounds so good @Former-Member ! Thanks @Faith-and-Hope and @Phoenix_Rising.
I'm heading out for a while, even though I so don't want to. My time out starts very soon and I am looking forward to it a lot. I am struggling today with being 'normal' on the outside, feeling the way I am on the inside. It feels like trying to hold in all kinds of big stuff so it will be good to be able to do whatever it is I want to without having to worry so much about others. What I want to do might just include making a tiny turtle blanket and going sloth hunting 😛
Thanks for saying hi today 🙂
In response to: I'm in a nest
TeejSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Thanks @Former-Member I loved your cake and coffee this morning, my mouth watered. I'm just climbing out of bed now. My sleep is all over the place at the moment. Time to get coffee.
💜🤗💐🍩🍰☕️
In response to: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
Some days suck @CheerBear😙💜🐻
Happy sloth hunting. 👍
I'm still in pj's @Teej😮 Going to make bacon and egg panini now . Raining today. First time in ages. 👍💜
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
TeejSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
I think you were very wise to get some me time now @CheerBear. I hope you get to breathe with it. Best wishes. 💜🤗💐
i hope your me time will be walking around craft shops in a daze just soaking it all up and not worrying about having to rush. 💜🤗💐
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Tonight is hard and it doesn't matter how much my thinking brain tries to tell me that I am ok now and it's not happening again and it won't be happening again tomorrow either, my feelings brain is in overdrive (why Marsha didn't use these terms, I don't know - they sound way better). I have huge sad pain feelings thinking about how instantly it was all gone.
I'm really tired and it's been a long day. I don't want to go to bed tonight and I don't want it to be tomorrow, but at the same time, I can't wait for this to be over and for it to be Wednesday. I know things will be better on Wednesday. I lost track of everything from then, and it all kind of blurred into what it has become. It's one more day away. What's it has become is ok enough. It took some seriously tough times to get to here, but here is better than there, even if I miss most of the parts of there. Thinking brain knows this part at least.
I'm feeling so alone. I'm thinking of all those times you've spoken about how much it would mean to have someone really there with you @Phoenix_Rising. I'm feeling it tonight. I have here in the nest though and so far here has helped me feel so much less alone. I'm remembering that even if I can't see people here, they're here anyway. I know you're here always here Phoenix_Rising (you live in my pocket) and Bella3 you're always here with nice treats to share, and you too Teej, with your pretties. I know Mazarita isn't ever too far away either and Faith-and-Hope lingers around as well. TheVorticon, you pop in with funnies and lisajane you're around knowing without knowing too. 5-HT, Maggie, Shaz, Pepsimax... there are so many who have been here also. I'm not as alone as I feel.
I'm going to get my blanket and my cat/s (whichever one will let me grab them first) and snuggle in the nest, practicing some of the skills I've been reading and writing about a lot today.
Thanks for listening and being here.
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
@CheerBear I am right here. We will sit in the muddle together. It is only two sleeps until Wednesday. Tomorrow isn't really Tuesday you know, it is Wednesday eve.
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
I just cried happy sad tears @Phoenix_Rising. Wednesday eve sounds lots better than Tuesday. Thank you for sitting with me in the muddle (again).
In response to: I'm in a nest
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
💜💐💕💜💐💕💜@CheerBear .....
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
...and given that tomorrow is Wednesday eve, @CheerBear, this means that today is the eve of Wednesday eve. Do you want to know one of my favourite days of the year? The 22nd of December. It's one of my favourite days for no other reason than that I get to think to myself "today is the eve of the eve of Christmas eve."
Happy eve of Wednesday eve @CheerBear.
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
I can't believe you do this too @Phoenix_Rising! This one is such a thing for me as well 🙂
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