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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear, wonderful that you have created such lovely new memories.

Nothing at all planned this weekend. It's often the case that my weekends are very much quieter than my mid week days, which tend to have appointments in them that get me out in a good way. I'm doing things on video at the moment though, and also getting through old series of 'Reign'. What are your plans?

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Oh @CheerBear do you think the community garden could do with that amaZing pic???? Your day with LF sounds so great. Hope you can get some rest today.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I just had a quick look at what Reign is about @Mazarita. Sounds like there are heaps of different themes in it. Are you enjoying it? I love it when I come across a series I really enjoy! Weekends are very different to our weekdays here for me as well. School holidays is another completely different time too, as I'm sure you can imagine. Hope you're enjoying your video work ☺

Today I'm going to try and keep up the 'making new memories' momentum (today has been in my mind as a tricky day for a while) and we're heading out again but in a much quieter way than the last couple of days. After that I think we'll take some down time together (maybe board games and creating things type of stuff) before I get a couple of days on my own early in the week which I'm looking forward to as well.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good morning @Maggie 😊 I will add another rainbow to our garden I think, that's a great idea. It will be lovely to be able to come back and visit this one. I hope things are ok enough in your world today. Sending you big love 💓

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good plans, @CheerBear. Wonderful you have some 'creating-new-memories' momentum. Making new and good memories in an ongoing way sounds so very healing in general.

The video stuff is going very well, though I'm not in the actual process of making anything just now. What I'm working on at the moment is a different part of the process. I actually feel a bit directionless with what I'm going to make next to tell you the truth. Not a very common feeling for me, as I'm usually hands on with something or other. But, if the past few years are anything to go by, this feeling of having nothing to do will pass soon enough and I'll be into the difficult, deeply rewarding process of trying to express something in video again.

Meanwhile my housework is waiting, and waiting, and...

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I got busy refereeing a game of indoor baseball/soccer/wrestling/poison ball with inflatable bats and balls @Mazarita 😆 Lucky we have very few breakable specials around.

Directionless is tricky when it comes to being creative I think. It can also be the place to sit for a while until a more obvious choice for a first step somewhere is there though, as I'm guessing you've experienced before. It will pass, as you said, and you'll be back to finding something that feels rewarding soon ☺

Ugh housework. That's a battle for me at the moment too. Maybe not a battle actually, as it's more a breathe, close my eyes, do more important things for us, let it go for now, and prepare for battle one day type thing haha.

Better get in the shower and get moving. Hope it's a good one 💗

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Just jumping in the nest to catch my breathe and slow my heartbeat down. I just came to face one of my biggest fears - a big brown snake. The thing is that when I looked up and saw it, it was a foot away from my kelpie and reared up at his nose level. They were having a stare off.

Did I do what I'd always planned and be cool calm and collected and slowly move away from the snake.....hell no! Did I let go of a high pitched girly scream, yell at my dog to come and run away......absolutely I did 😳:face_with_rolling_eyes:. Luckily my dog hadn't realised what it was and hadn't processed it yet either. His likely scenario would have been that it looked like a good stick to play with and it was cool it moved for him to chase. Was I incredibly lucky he came on command and the snake was as afraid of us as I was of him....so very luckily so. I feel like I just got handed a get out jail free card 😊.

i hope all nesters are ok and your Sunday has been kind to you. 🤗💜💐

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Teej yikes, glad you are ok.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thanks @Sans911. Was a bit scary. How has your day been? Are you still in respite?

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

phew! @Teej glad dog is ok! they're always scary when theyre suddenly there...
Hi to all in the nest today
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