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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thanks @CheerBear .... 💕

Enjoy the outdoors.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi and thanks for thinking of me @CheerBear 👋💜💕 @Teej 👋💜💕 @Faith-and-Hope 💜💕👋
Every day is a struggle, some worse than others. 💪😙

🌹🌼🌹🌼🌹🌼🌹🌼🌹🌼🌹🌼🌹🌼🌹🌼🌹

☕🍰

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @Former-Member .... 🤗💕

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Lol 😂 @Faith-and-Hope I just saw the lion pic. I see you've already been able to document the new species of big cats.......well done you! 😜😃

@CheerBear I hope you enjoyed some time in the sun reading. I had my psychiatrist appointment. It went ok, was a bit messy in it but feeling relieved it's over.

So glad you came up with the plan for the anniversary stuff. It sounds like a great plan. Yell out if you need any support during that time. Feel free to tag me no matter what if it will help.

Hi @Former-Member 🌷,

it can feel like that never ending struggle. I hope there are a few moments of joy. It must be that crazy silly stressful time for your daughter. Good luck with it all. Not long now.

Sending some garden cheer to the nest. I wish they were in my garden but alas they are not 💜🤗💐

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Haha @Faith-and-Hope! I just saw the picture too 😅

Hi @Former-Member. Been missing you and our coffees. Hope you and D are going ok enough 😘

@Teej - well done on getting through your white ship appointment. I hope you have continued to feel ok tonight. Thank you Teej 💛 I have 'forum' right up there on my list of strategies for that night and knowing there will be a nest of understanding in my pocket even if I don't/can't say why I am in it at the time, feels a bit like my pink fluffy blanket feels. I couldn't work out whether distraction or acknowledging "it" would be right and I've wanted another tattoo for a while, so this will be a good mix of both (and something to look forward to). The LF are heading off for two nights at the time, which I organised today too. It's a sturdy but flexible, good plan I think ☺

Those flowers too 😍😍😍

And hi @TheVorticon 😆 I see you've managed to pull another awesome mix of "fluffy" but "not too fluffy" out with your plane plants! I got a big chuckle at them and think they're awesome! I hope things are going ok enough for you at the moment too ☺

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I'm feeling a bit flat tonight. I think it's the effect of the bug that's going around the house. My little puffer fish came down with it last night and has been sleeping for most of the last 24+ hours, waking just for sips of water. They're running a fever and woke up crying today telling me they wished they "just felt more freezing" 😞 This one has been really knocked around by it.

Middle felt better today and went to school, but was in bed with little and me last night which meant a very wonky sleep, and left me so tired I crashed for a couple of hours around midday. Middle can be fiery so having their energy back but still not being 100%, is a bit of an extra challenge.

I'm not used to the house being so quiet and down, or having to stay in for the week and not really do much of anything. I'm hoping everyone comes good soon so we can enjoy some adventures on the school holidays.

Other than that, I've been kind of in limbo with the house stuff and will be over the next two weeks because of school holidays, which is probably adding to my frustration. Just waiting on two more houses (from the same program as the last two) that are apparently coming up in the next couple of weeks, which I am ready to jump on when they do. If those options fall down as well it will be a case of settling for whatever we can get because time will be the worry then. Crossing everything that we get one of these two because settling for what's out there isn't a particularly great option (it's better than no house, but it's not great).

Hoping those reading are going ok. Thinking of lots of you.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @CheerBear, As you've probably noticed, things are super stormy in my world at the moment, but I'm just swinging past to let you know I'm still here when I'm not. I super badly hope you and the LF get a house soon, and ideally a better-than-just-ok house. I also hope you all get over your bugs. Even though I know almost nothing about your LF, somehow I still feel like I know them - especially little puffer fish. I super hope little puffer fish feels better soon.

By the way, I have finished my marking. I just need to write up a general feedback sheet and then I'll send it all off tomorrow morning. My volunteer gig is only happening in the afternoon for this, the last day of the school term, so I will knock over the last of the marking gig in the morning and then open up the DBT manual over the weekend. Where are you up to? Given how much I'm feeling like I've been squished by a bus at the moment, this is probably an ideal time to start this project.

Hello to all other nest dwellers. My brain is very fried at the moment so apologies for not keeping up with everyone's news. @Teej @Former-Member @TheVorticon @Former-Member

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thank you for coming past and for your thoughts @Phoenix_Rising. I'm really gald we can be here but not for each other.

I think there's a reason you might feel like you know my puffer fish evwn more than my clown fish and the fish who hasn't been given a species name yet. It's not something I can really talk about here but I'm thinking you might understand just in me saying that (or maybe not and maybe I'm just seeming as scatter brained as I feel sometimes).

I have read the first section of the manual and printed the handouts and worksheets for orientation and mindfulness (and have them in folders). I want to keep a copy of all of the orginals because they could so useful one day, so I also have a folder of my own that I'm using (and photocopying from the originals as I need). I've made my goals and worked my way through orientation, and am just chilling out with the start of the mindfulness module at the moment. My psych and my MH worker are on board and my psych has suggested I bring some chain analysis worksheets in to my next session. My plan tomorrow is to do my first chain analysis using a flip/tantrum via email I had to my CM on Monday.

I'm going slowly though I do really seriously want to get into distress tolerance stuff, and then confront my demons and push myself into the radical acceptance stuff (which I feel will be very fitting particularly if the house thing doesn't go as planned). But I am also looking forward to the emotion regulation module too.

That's where I am at. Kind of just waiting, but practicing some skills while I do. I'm so looking forward to hearing how you plan on tackling it and what you think, but I know there's plenty of time for that too. I noticed you mentioned that you think it would be a good idea to work out how to go about this adventure on forumland, and I agree. I'm not sure what the answer to that is yet though.

It's so great to hear that you've managed to get through your marking gig. That's massive!

I'm guessing by the time I hit post, you will have made your way away from forumland, so I will say good night here.

Night 🙂

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear I am heading off to bed right now but I am curious about puffer fish so I'm just going to whisper this. Do puffer fish and I have some awesomeness in common? If so, I think that is SUPER.

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