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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @CheerBear,

It's great to hear there are plans in place now for moving forward with your housing situation. And that you are facing it squarely despite fear. All strength to you! I'm looking forward to reading about how glad you are on the day you receive keys to your new place.

Today I am stuck in my own particular bend of the rollercoaster. I feel a bit like 'life sucks, especially me, and I can't do anything about it'. Next thing I know, I'm asleep again! Still in my nightie at dusk. But I'm going to try to get out for a bus ride tomorrow, an afternoon trip across the border to a shopping place I haven't been for a while. I need to shift these heavy blues somehow and this little trip could be the ticket.

Hi to everyone here, love to all.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

❤️ @Mazarita

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @Mazarita. I got goosebumps at the idea of 'keys to your new place'. Thank you. My CM asked whether I wanted to be part of the meeting that will be organised and everything in me screamed 'oh heck no'. But that's not really me so I said a shaky yes. As F&H so nicely said, I am a survivor and maybe one of my strongest survival skills is that I am a bit of fighter. It's perhaps what also gets me into a bit of trouble sometimes too 😉 I remember you mentioning a while ago that you were a bit on the fiesty side (not sure if they were the words you used, but I think it was something like this?) in earlier years, so I am thinking you might understand how important it can feel to fight for the things you believe in. I really believe in this stuff.

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling stuck in that part of your rollercoaster today. Maybe sleeping is what you needed today. I didn't make it to yoga today. It's the first time my head stopped me from going since I started. Instead, just after spilling it all here, I went to bed. When I got up I had turned in to action bear and the rollercoaster took the above turn. Perhaps sleeping it off and riding it out in your nightie might just be the part of the ride that comes before your turn for the better too.

I hope you enjoy your trip out tomorrow. That sounds like a really cool thing to do 💗

Hi @outlander 💕

@Former-Member - I hope your day has been ok? ☕ ⬅ is a good one 💛

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I'm glad that you were able to take a step forward today, despite everything you're going through @CheerBear
Rent is so expensive these days. I hope you find something that suits you, soon.

💟

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thanks @Former-Member

How was your day? Did you remember to eat dinner tonight?! 🙂

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Very unwell. Not eating much today .
Guess I'll shower and try and get to bed and X today off. 😮
New day tomorrow.
Hoping you'll sleep good and feel like you can conquer tomorrow @CheerBear 💪💟
It sucks big time that you have to move etc. 🌹🌼🌹🌼🌹🌼🌹

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Typing on an actual keyboard! It's a bit of a novelty using a real computer to be on the forum.

Sorry to hear you aren't feeling very well today @Former-Member. I like the idea of X-ing today off! Hoping you sleep well too and feel a bit less sick in the morning.

I am about to dive in to this email. I am going to give myself an hour and half time limit and hope I can stay in the 'today is the 4th of September' while I go through it all. I am finding words tricky and second guessing myself all the time at the moment. If I can't do it tonight, I will try again tomorrow though.

If I don't catch you before either of us head off for the night, goodnight Bella xo

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good luck with the email @CheerBear
Try not to spend too much time on it tonight. Stressful things before bed = possibly not a good sleep.
I hope that you can switch off to it all.
Can it be done tomorrow?

I find that I need to switch off to things (as much as possible) at night.

I was super quick showering and am in bed already.

Nighty night 😴💟

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I have realised it would be a very bad idea to try and do this tonight, or possibly at all so I'm not going to. I think that's probably fair enough and hope that my CM understands a request to detail all the crap that's happened with short notice, perhaps is not the best thing to do, especially given the pretty dire state my head was in today. Apparently there will be a meeting about this in the next couple of weeks, so maybe I can ask if I can have some time to write it, and see if I can get some support from my MH worker to do so. Pushing through it isn't going to work tonight and I could feel it as soon as I started going through emails to get dates etc.

I just got the notification that you pretty much said the same thing just then @Former-Member. I think you're right, thanks. Hope you're snuggled up and cosy . Nighty night.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good idea @CheerBear
Sounds like something to tackle during the day, with more time and hopefully some help.
Time to think on something else, if possible.
💕👍🌹🌼
🍵 herb tea to relax. 😊
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