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I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.
In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.
Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.
I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.
Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.
I feel better for being awake and listening to the birds already, thanks @Mazarita.
I think I have on today is yoga, which is nice! How about yourself?
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
MazaritaSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
The only thing here is that I have to go to the chemist for prescription and supplements today, @CheerBear I may get out on the beach again with any luck. Good on you for doing yoga. I'm hoping to take it up soon when a 'gentle yoga' class starts at a local mental health community centre.
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Will it be a walk with a friend or on your own along the beach today @Mazarita? I hope you enjoy it (and wish I could tag along!)
Yay for yoga! This is exciting 😄 Mine class is a 'gentle' one at the moment too. Because my body (brain) likes to do some funky tricks when I chill out sometimes, I thought it was important to take it slow. I'm busting to start learning some fun yoga stuff, but really enjoying this at the moment too. Hope you enjoy it!
Does your adventure with the new psych start this week or is that next week?
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
MazaritaSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
@CheerBear, the walk today will either be solo or with C. I wish you could come along too! Tuesday week for the new psychologist.
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
I'd do almost anything to be back where it's warm and I could wander along the beach @Mazarita. Winter here is long and very cold. Either solo or with C, hope it's peaceful for you 🙂
Lots crossed for next week's appointment for you, though my gut feeling is you'll be totally ok. My psych appointment is next week too, though not until the end of the week. Four weeks will have come around quickly I think.
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
MazaritaSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
@CheerBear, I came up this way from down south a decade and a half ago. In good measure, it was to get away from miserable winter weather and the depressions that inevitably gripped me. I hope you can return to a warmer climate some time too. Fingers crossed for your psych appointment too. Do you have any idea what you will be addressing with them? My mental health care plan includes just a few key areas. Last time I went to a psych, I think we were trying to address too much all at once. Didn't last beyond the first six sessions with her. But I am feeling positive about this new journey nonetheless.
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
MazaritaSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
@CheerBear, now that the birds have started chattering, the time for me to go to sleep again has arrived. Cool to meet up with you in real time briefly this morning, CB.
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
I think I'm going to be open and honest about why I don't think this approach is working anymore and ask whether there's another way @Mazarita. I want to discuss some of the words (labels) they have used/mentioned as well, which is the part that scares me the most. I have a centrelink job capacity assessment coming up, so I'd like to know what their thoughts are about me working/studying and what they plan on writing in the supporting documentation that I will probably need. I also want to just bury my head and forget about it all too, but something tells me that's not going to help me 😉
Too much at once isn't often great thing, and I can understand why you didn't last beyond six sessions. Pushing too hard too soon seems to be something that isn't unusual for mh professionals to try and do, and it just doesn't work for everyone (for many). I hope you are able to feel more in control this time. It seems like you are doing really well heading in to this adventure. You're using your past experiences, listening to yourself, researching, and working with your trusted people, to make this experience rewarding. You're doing really well!
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Time for me to get moving too @Mazarita. Hope you have a nice day. Thank you for the chat. Sharing a cuppa with you is a great way for my day to start 💗
In response to: I'm in a nest
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Hey CB Just pulling up a cushion in the corner to think out some things and to breathe ❤❤❤
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