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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I've got my snuggly dressing gown to put on after my shower @CheerBear 😀💜
Temperature dropped heaps just now.
Looking forward to snuggling.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @Former-Member, good to see you back. I love your new avatar. Snuggly dressing gowns are the best.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi and thanks @Mazarita 💜
Had to disappear for a while.
Life is too much sometimes (mostly 😂)
Just had a hot shower followed by a cold one 😂 Gut inflammation does weird things, hot sweats. I'm still too hot for the dressing gown yet. 😀
Was cold not long ago.

Nice to see you too, well, you know what I mean.😀

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I relate, @Former-Member. I mostly disappeared for several months from middle of last year. Glad to be back too since earlier in the year. Sorry about the gut inflammation, I know how bad that can be. Hot and cold is my middle name (menopause), lol. Hope the evening treats you well. ox

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Snuggle gowns are awesome @Former-Member 🙂 I have my flufffy rainbow pj pants, fluffy black ugg boots and my fluffy snuggly dressing gown on at the moment. Full of fluffy goodness 😄 I read on another thread that your daughter got an award today? Congrats to her 🙂 It feels really good to see my LF going swimmingly despite (perhaps because of) 'things', and I'm thinking that's likely to be the same for you too. How has your evening been?

Hi @Mazarita 🙂 Hope you've had a good day. I haven't ventured too far from here today so I'm not sure if you've posted anything. I'll wander over an d have a look in a sec.

@Former-Member - I noticed you were having a really hard afternoon. I hope you're ok tonight.


It's been a good day here. I did the groceries for the week and went to yoga which I enjoyed lots. I had a big panic moment this afternoon after class when I got a message from the women's health nurse about a test I had a few weeks ago to 'discuss the results and recommendations' 😕 I have to go back for another test in 2 weeks and go from there. It's likely to be ok but I did get a big fright getting that voicemail message. She mentioned that her and my GP have also found a surgeon to refer me to for ongoing fairly complex issues. I'm a bit (a lot) scared and am pretty sure this will end up in surgery with some invasive tests in between, but long term it's hopefully going to be a good thing. Off to my GP later this week to get this one moving too, with another go from there thing. I'm really happy with the clinic after only being a patient for a few months. They've done some great work for me already, and I feel like I'm in good hands with them.

I pulled up this afternoon really quite well given that news. The LF and I had a nice afternoon and dinner and I'm looking forward to an early night with some episodes of something (no idea what yet) in bed. This year of challenges continues, though I guess I shouldn't really expect it to just stop and get easier all of a sudden. This sort of thing could have easily thrown me into chaos (it might yet) but at the moment I'm feeling ok so hopefully that's a positive start to it all.

Hope everyone is going well tonight 🙂

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Sounds very snuggly @CheerBear 😀💜
Just noticed your message now.

Oh no, re possible surgery.
Not what you need at all.

Thanks for noticing re my girl's award.
Top award, I'm impressed, if I may say so😀

I'm really exhausted now, hoping to get to bed very soon too.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear

xx Glad you had a good day and I hope that everything goes well with doctor appointments.

Things have been bad here, very much on edge. But - I should be used to it by now. ❣

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @CheerBear, sorry to hear you have health issues that may involve invasive tests and surgery. Fingers crossed you get the best possible outcome when you receive the results, and that the process from there is smooth. It's great when you like your doctors and the clinic. Very nice people at the clinic where I go too and, like you, I feel like I'm in good hands. I'll be there tomorrow getting the 'mental health care plan' for the new psychologist. My first appointment with her is in two weeks. I'm looking forward to it now, and nervous at the same time.

I haven't posted much at all today. I've been out and about again this afternoon, after a morning mostly sleeping. That was to catch up what I missed while awake in the late hours of last night. Met up with two friends today. One I hadn't seen for maybe six weeks, though she lives not that far from me. The other is my close friend that I see every couple of days or so. Good to see them both.

Good on you for pulling up well this afternoon despite your news today. Hope you can relax for the rest of the evening.

Edit: just saw your post, @Former-Member. Sorry you are doing it tough at the moment. Hugs for what you are going through.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thanks @Mazarita

Just having to deal with a counsellor who was supposed to help find someone to help me completely cancel this morning.. Then with no rescheduling... So that hurt.
Also have been being bugged by a man who completely has been stalking me and freaking me out (quite scary). He is also more than twice my age.

I hope you are well. Thank you for the message 💜

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

So great @Former-Member 🙂 She sounds like a keeper 😛

@Former-Member- I've been following along this evening. So sorry you've had such a horrible time 😞

@Mazarita - thanks 💗 I'm going to try really hard not to get too far ahead of myself with this one. My head is way too messy to go back to the surgeon who I've dealt with for years, and the nurse recognises how valid my concerns about them are. She did some research and this new one has come with a recommendation not just because they're willing and able to take on my case (there aren't many who can do this particular thing), but they're also apparently very gentle and understanding which I really need.

I can understand how you might be feeling nervous about your upcoming appointment. It's great that you're also looking forward to it too. I really hope it will be the start of something else that is helpful for you. I'll be reading along with interest and hope.

Glad you had a nice catch up with your friends 🙂
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