I hate that I like myself?

I'm certainly not a qualified psychologist , and although I have read a bunch of books, like most here probably have, this is pretty much just confused hypothetical musings.

Take it with a full shaker of salt, if you choose to take it at all.

So anyway.
When we are young, as children first interacting with other children and adults, we learn quickly that (even if we don't appreciate the significance at the time), making other people feel good about themselves, makes them like us, and choose/act be our friend.
Or at least pretend to.
Whether it's doing them a favour or making them laugh, acting in a manner to please others is recognised as favourable because when they appear to like you, you feel good, and you like yourself.

(My theory that every human action revolves around a person's desire to feel good about themselves is a whole other story).

Therefore we are programmed from an early age, so thoroughly and subtly that we don't even realise it, that to please others is the core function that facilitates our liking ourselves.

I don't mean boot licking, or always getting crapped on because you try to help or please others type of pleasing others.
Or even that you 'try to please them' consciously / on ( conscious) purpose.
I imagine most people would take offence to that insinuation.

But at some level, pleasing your friends and people you like makes them respond favourably towards you, which is detectable by the brain even at a subconscious level, and being liked, validated, approved etc, in turn makes you like yourself.
Reward trigger neurons, mirror neurons, blah blah.

So, we like ourselves because others like us.
( and yes, there's always exceptions to the rule).

I feel this is a fairly safe conclusion to make.
In my experience, most sufferers who hate / dislike themselves seem to have negative relationship issues with others, or no friends etc.

Now.
What happens when these friends, potentially lifelong ones, whose opinions, reactions, and actions that you have based your self-like on, turn out to be backstabbing selfish people whom you discover are not that nice, and you don't particularly like them?

This means, I posit, that the foundation on which you built your own self-like, ie, the approval etc of your friends, reveals itself to be negative, unpleasant things that you don't like, that you may even feel are negative, damaging, or bad.

The reason you like yourself (as a growth pattern and at a subconscious level, not necessarily as a current thoughtful functioning adult) has become corrupted , the core, that your sense of values and self worth has beenbuilt around from an early age, now shows this horrifying truth:
That you like yourself because of things you hate.

So I dislike most of the reasons I like myself?

Where does that leave me?

It's not easy to change that kind of mind set and value set over night.
But if I don't base it on that, do I base it on eg. things I enjoy and like about my own self?
I know people like that, they are selfish arrogant twats.
Do I base it on so called social norms?

Become an environmentalist vegan third world volunteer?
I'm slightly ashamed to say, that even if I did, it wouldn't make me like myself for it.

So what now? 😞

Ali.