handling conflict at work with Bipolar

Hi @Flame7au

Thanks for your post!

Conflict resolution is a learned skill! It is often hard to remove the emotion from the situation and to focus on what the real issue is.

Do you have someone to talk to about the feelings that you have? Maybe talk to your psychologist and ask them to go through some role-play scenarios to practice standing up for yourself.

I'm sure there are plenty of other people out there who have had similar experiences, so you are not alone!!

Thanks for sharing

Outlanderali

I could give that a go. I use to have very bad outbursts and can't control my temper, so to make sure that I don't abuse anyone I've learnt to hold my temper and not say what I'm really thinking and feeling, especially at work. The result of holding in these feelings and anger is that I break down crying, so it has quite a negative impact on me.

Thanks for replying.

Hi @Flame7au,

Thanks for sharing your story and learning here with everyone.

Getting some opinions from professionals would assist you to make a choice on what strategies to use. Also always keep an eye on the forum here because you'll be able to find some similar stories. Hopefully in that way you would feel less isolated on this topic

I think by acknowledging the situation and seeking assistance is a great step forward already! Well done!

Take care,

Sky

Dear @Flame7au

A warm welcome to the forum!

What you describe reminds me of what I was like at work. A dose of salts or a doormat! Both very painful in their own ways. I have continued learning about a middle way in the 18 years since I left work (to have my kids). Neither of those options is helpful - to you or the other person. This is because no one learns much (if anything) and the "problems" are not resolved - they are hand-balled. Current situation is you end up "wearing" it all, before the other person did (and then you probably felt horrible afterwards).

Role play might be helpful as @Former-Member suggested. This will probably feel weird to start with but can be very helpful in identifying what goes on for you internally during conflict situations.

A few thoughts which I hope are some help:

1. If someone has a concern or issue with your behaviour it doesn't mean you are a) a bad person, b) at "fault", c) have to change (though you might, upon reflection, choose to).

2. When someone has a concern I recommend just really listening to them (this is very hard work BTW). Hear them out. This can be quite painful. Afterwards you can respond as you think is appropriate - so maybe by saying you are sorry if you've inadvertently upset them, or you can say something like "look I really need to think about what you've said, and I'll get back to you". Then you have some space without "wearing" it. If at all possible think about it away from work, or where you've got some head-space. It is important to get back to them at some, timely, stage.

Most human interactions which go "wrong" have some of each participant's "stuff" in them. So when things don't go so well it is a learning opportunity for everyone involved. Sadly not all people are interested in learning this - but that doesn't need to stop you from learning what you can from it.

I am not going to suggest for a minute this is easy, painless, etc. It's not. Sifting your stuff from other's "stuff" is a valuable life skill; which, if you choose to, you will continue learning for the rest of your life. The better you get at it the less difficult it will be. It's hard work.

I'd recommend that when you do "get back" to them that you try to leave all the personal stuff out (personal attacks make it very difficult to hear the honesty, you've probably noticed this in what others have said to you - that "what was that really about?" feeling). Focus on finding what the real issue is in what they've raised. It can be a bit needle in the haystack to find, which is why you need the space. You could try (as best you can after hearing them) to put yourself in their shoes and ask how does it look/feel from here? This will hopelully give you some insight so you can empathise with them even if you don't agree with them. Even if you don't refer to it directly, it will come across in your communication with them - as empathy.

If you are keen to find more on this (and I'm sorry I've rambled on, rather) you could try reading Scott Peck's The Road Less Travelled. It took about 3 reads before I started to feel like I understood what he was on about, but I've found it to be a gift. I suggest you add a bit of self-compassion to the bits which feel "ouch!" internally. It would be my one criticism of him - he lacks a compassionate understanding of the traumatic r00ts of what he calls "disordered thinking". In spite of that I think he says much of value.

Hope for a more even keel endures...

Kindest regards,

Kristin

Hi @Flame7au

I thought you might find this link useful, I particularly liked the 'wellness toolbox', I can't help but come up with my own imagery when I hear this, hee hee.

Although not specifically for work, I'm sure these things spill over.

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/bipolar-disorder/bipolar-support-and-self-help.htm

I'd like to hear your thoughts on this information, and if any of it was new to you, or just a reminder to keep doing what your doing (I think both are good pieces of info).

Hi,

If your BiPola is affecting your work as well not just the conflict resolution side you should be able to register with a DES (Disablity Employment Service)..They have a specific program called Job in Jeopardy to help people and organisations retain employees. It is a good program..and you have the right to it and to shop DES providers if the 1st one you register with is not working for you...

Power to the Pola People..