GoddardsCasual Contributor
What do we do>
Our son is now 40!!
At an age of 15 he started drinking. This we did not know, how and when till last year when he admitted he would bunk off school drink with his friends all afternoon and then be back at school where I picked him up with his brother. No he didnt smell of drink they were very careful
At 17 it became obvious that drink was a problem, my husbands few bottles of alcohol would disappear,( I dont drink I cant as I have a fructose problem, my husband drinks on high days and holidays,) along with other things. I got in touch with AA in Scotland because thats where we lived at the time. They suggested they sent someone along just to talk to him. So I talked to him and suggested this, he exploded!!!
He then left home, drink, drugs, dancing all night. I would go over to his flat he shared, and take food and make sure he was OK. He went to UNi in England, I would get phone calls from the uni saying he had collapsed they didnt know what was wrong, so I would drive the three hours to see him and sort out what I could. After a year he met a girl and they moved back to Scotland. The relationship apparently was the one, but it was abusive on both sides!! It ended with her pregnant and an abortion.
This seemed to be the pattern for years to come, suggesting he needed help just brought on the extreme anger. We were helpless.
My husband lost his job so the next job was Korea, then Singapore, then China. To make sure he was safe while away for those years we put a deposit down on a flat. He met another girl got engage again for the third time, they sold the flat, gave us our deposit back and travelled the world on the money made!!! How stupid were we!!! Mid journey she tells him its the end. They go back to the UK she to Scotland him to England, he tries to commit suicide. We get him over to Australia where we are now living. We get him into UNI as it was the only way to help him stay in the country as he was then about 35. He meets another girl, this time they marry. Three years on she leaves him he tries suicide again.
We get him to where we live now as he then has lost his driving licence, so for three years we cope again!!! His drinking, his anger, his abuse. We suggest a psychologist which the doctor recommends again!!! This psychologist says nothing wrong!!! We know that people with a mental disorder can fool people, as a neighbour we had at the time says, a well respected psychologist. He helps me with my little business dealing with renovating furniture and a shop that I set up to sell beautiful renovated pieces and oddments!!! He enjoys it, but he drinks at work, and we try to tell him not to do that as the customers can smell it, anger at us again, unbelievable anger!! He meets another girl and marries again, they now have a little boy of 16 months. So we think at last he is stable. He had moments with her when she would come over to us, as they lived in a barn conversion on our property no rent, no heating costs etc, to help them both. She is pregnant and he has put his fist through a door!!! This happens all the way through the pregnancy and to make it worse her mother wont have her stay with her!! they get married without his siblings as by now not one of them will be near him!!!
Then we decide at this stage time for us. We are now in our 60's and need to look after us at last. So plan a trip for 6 months to europe in a camper van. First month there the abuse starts!!
The story long, but needless to say nearly every other week away we got abuse in one way or another threatening my husband violence when he sees him, saying I am poisonous, I have a problem passed on by my mother!!! We are banned from seeing him, seeing our new grandson. He threatens to sell some of our belongings on ebay for $1, things that are family treasures to be passed on. The only little bit of family treasure we have!!
Now nearly a year later, its still the same. He said when I was in France that I was not to come back to the business threatening violence, so my little busines taken from me. I was too scared to go near the place.
Thankfully he has left the area, but the business doesnt exist now, he ran it into the ground. I dont have the energy to start again. So we have our house on the market to get out of here, We cant take anymore, sometimes I am frightened for my life, you hear of stories of sons going back to do harm, well he has threatened it. We went to the police at one stage to ask for a restraining order, his wife asked if we could hold off til they returned from their holiday to India!! So we did, and its started all again. We ask to be left alone, he then deletes our emails, saying not read, and then in th next breath we get more abuse. Yesterday again. Accusing me of spreading lies in the town we live. I dont go there anymore, we are somewhat house bound now. We go to the cinema, go and do our food shopping and thats about it!!! Praying the house sells quickly but being in the countryside not so easy to do.
I spend time, looking at how I have been, looking at old photos to try and remember how it was when he was a child. I honestly cant find anything wrong, we loved them all, we made sure they were always safe, good schools, lovely houses and places, friends round all the time, birthday parties, holidays, we listened to their worries, we cuddled, we read, we did everything that caring parents do. Maybe I missed something.
So please is there anyone out there that can tell me I am not mad, I am a caring mother and always have been because at this moment in time, I feel devastated.
