feeling alone tonight

That would have been really hard without the kids. I hope they are home and you are feeling less alone. Glad you have come here, you aren't alone here.

LisaJane

Hey @sara

I'm so sorry to hear how crappy your easter has been. Sounds like staying in bed was a great way to get through it. Bed can be very soothing on such a jagged day as your first holiday without the kids there.

I also relate. The first Xmas after our very acrimonious split, I spent Xmas Day alone. No call or text. I cried all day. I also spent a large part of the day blaming myself for creating this mess and dreading every Xmas, Easter and birthday to come, knowing for a fact that I would never get used to being alone on all of those important days.

Not long after that, my ex and I settled down and began to communicate. Now we do these events much better. So much in fact that last night he slept in my son's bed so we could all wake up together.

I know you said your ex has a new partner so this isn't likely to happpen but, is it possible that a better way of dealing with these sorts of holidays is on the horizon?

Something special doesnt have to cost money 🙂 maybe you could have the table set up for colouring or make tents in the living room lol i have no idea how old your kids are.. if they are teenagers maybe not! 😄 But just having something in mind might give you something to ge ready or plan for tomorrow. My ex sees mine for supervised access and he's the same with spoling them. They get so many toys and games I can't possibly compete. And as i've not been working since january they are having to adjust to our having less money and not being able to do things we used to, which has been reaally hard to explain - understand the guilt too..!

Hope you get some sleep tongiht

@sara

I can understand the feeling you are going through, last christmas was my first one alone, and it was really difficult to stay motivated and to try and do some small things that i enjoy and to make me smile, so i put on some up beat music, and watched a few movies of stand up comics for a bit of a chuckle, it didn't change that i still felt a bit on the lurch but, it helped ease it a little.

Happy Easter Sara

Dear @sara

That is so painful. It is gut wrenching going through that, especially the first time. If you are still in the process of negotiating contact arrangements etc you could suggest that special days (Easter, Xmas, birthdays, etc) should be half day with each parent, for the children's sakes. This is what we did from the beginning, I still had to deal with them sometimes not being there on Xmas morning and so forth, but it made it a lot easier - especially for the kids.

Him playing what I call "sugar daddy" - spoiling them rotten with stuff - is unfortunately very common. You need to remember that you can and do give them your love, which has far more value in the longer term. I used to despair of similar issues with my ex-husband. I was never going to compete on monetary "stuff" terms, and still can't. I have never tried. I have always been honest with my kids (not blaming anyone, just being real that we didn't have much money). Now 10 years down the track they know who to come to when there is a problem, or they need TLC. Their dad has learned a few things about relationships in the meantime thankfully and we get on quite ok now, we co-parent pretty well. For about 7 years I wouldn't even let him into my house, they were dropped off at the door.

I know I did and can offer something to my kids that their dad could not all those years ago. My unconditional love. It's been excruciatingly painful at times, but worth it in the long run. I don't mean that I didn't have firm boundaries for them, I did. But they always knew they could count on me to stand up for what was right for them - sometimes even when it wasn't what was best for me.

So please do not despair. You have something far more precious than silver or gold to give your kids. It may take them time to recognise it, but they will.

In the meantime sending you cyber hugs and compassion, because raising kids is a long road. Dealing with the family court is painful stuff. I hope you have a lawyer who's a good listener.

Hope for a nurturing relationship with our children endures...

Kindest regards,

Kristin