Emotional pain

Hello Egret,

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Garfield

Hi @Egret, Welcome to the forums. I'm not sure if I can relate to your experiences so well, as I tend to have the opposite problem - all my feelings are GIANT and I feel emotions super intensely. However, having said that, just in the past few weeks I have noticed that I'm experiencing feelings of numbness/emptiness a lot more. I have had a series of very significant losses over the past two years, and it truly feels to me like my brain finally broke. I conceptualise it as my brain having got totally overwhelmed with grief and loss, and, with no other way to cope (i.e. I am extremely socially isolated and thus have no support outside of my GP and psychologist), it has shut down in a lot of ways. Thus I'm feeling quite numb and dissociated most of the time. I'm not sure if what I am currently experiencing fits with what you are describing at all???

I'm sure there will be someone here in Forum Land who can relate. And anyway, even if I can't totally relate to your particular experience, I am still super glad to "meet" you.

I have had both experiences of intense feelings and periods of dissociation and numbness.

I dont believe we all experience feelings exactly the same and that their are patterns and styles in personality and character development, which influence feelings. There are so many theories floating around in history and on the net, but I do believe there are life stressors which locate or focus tension in particular parts of the body. Some people believe in the chakra system others in Chinese medicine, I suspect both these systems have something to say about human realities ...

Anyway it is good to meet and be able to discuss these things.

Hi @Egret

Hi @Phoenix_Rising, thanks for commenting on my post! Glad to 'meet' you as well.

I'm sorry to hear about your losses, it sounds like you are going through a very difficult time. And having giant feelings must make everything much harder to cope with, as well as the isolation. I hope that your GP and psychologist are reliable and empathetic?

I think the numbness you are experiencing is definitely related, and I guess numbness and giant feelings are both ways of experiencing emotional dyregulation? It seems like when the 'emotional pain' feeling gets too much I disconnect from things as well - I often don't notice when people are talking to me and my thoughts become very basic and hard to hold onto. It's like I retreat into my body, because I'm not able to deal with anything other than trying to balance the wobbliness that is going on inside. Fortunately, since taking the medication I have been able to remain a lot more present, even when feeling the emotional pain.

Hi Egret,

I think I get similar feelings. I get emotional numbness when I'm feeling stressed/unwell.

I also get a foggy/soft/distanced feeling which I've recently learnt is a form of dissociation. I seem to get it when I discuss emotional or intense topics. Not so much when I'm feeling them, I tend to go more numb then. I get the feeling that it's not real, sometimes even that I'm not real.

Before I started on antidepressants I felt like I had a stab wound or a large gaping hole in my chest. And I felt like I was carrying it around permanently. But it only comes back now when I get really depressed.

I'm not sure where it all comes from or where its going or why. But I think a lot of people have had similar experiences, even if the specific feelings are similar. One of my doctors once said it probably had to do with not allowing myself to feel my feelings.

Egret are there things that you can do to help? I found going for a walk, or having a bubble bath would help with these feelings a bit. Also doing the deep breathing relaxation really helps, but you have to do it every day for a week or so for it to start to help, but then it really kicks in - but I suspect mindfulness would have similar effects.

Hope you've had a good weekened!

Thanks for the welcome @Former-Member

Hi @Appleblossom,

Thanks for reading my post. That's a good point that we don't experience feelings exactly the same. I often can only notice that my mood has shifted because I start to have different thoughts - ie. my thoughts will shift from 'This is going well, everything will be ok', to 'This is going very badly, everything is awful'. These days, I try to notice the way that I'm thinking about things, and see what that is telling me about what might be happening with my emotions. I try to link this to the physical sensations in my body too. I think it is working a little bit, I hope so!

It's an interesting idea that certain life stressors focus tension on parts of the body. I haven't thought about that before.

Hi @Former-Member

Thanks for replying. I hope you've had a good weekend too!

I think that your stab wound in the chest feeling is very much related, I have described this feeling as like a wound before as well. It also feels like a fissure, a deep crack in my chest that leaks poison. It felt a lot better once I started to take an antidepressant as well, but then they reduced the dose that I am taking, so it is not as effective as it was.

I haven't really had that soft/foggy feeling since the pain broke through, although I have been feeling a bit disconnected, or sometimes squishy and swirly recently when I get very stressed or tired. A few times, the floor has been shifting a bit, or things have been 'breathing', which is a bit of a new one for me. When the pain felt like it definitely wasn't mine, I was told that that was depersonalisation, which is apparently a form of dissociation? I'm still unsure if the emotional pain feels like 'my feeling' or not, I guess because it is more of a physical sensation than an emotion - it almost feels like it has been placed in my body. It sounds like you have a lot of dissociative experiences when dealing with painful feelings?

I think this having something to do with not allowing ourselves to feel our feelings is spot on, I have learnt since seeking help that I have pushed bad feelings away for a long time. I didn't know what else you were supposed to do with them

I find when I am at that bad point where it becomes a vortex in my chest, there is nothing can really touch it and I just have to wait it out. So I think the key for me is to try to avoid getting to that point. I do walk quite a bit, and sit in the sunshine, and I do use deep breathing but only when I am feeling anxious. I also have been making an effort to build stronger connections with friends and people I care about, and spending time with those people can help sometimes.