RickSenior Contributor
the dark side and back again........................
The last 6 weeks I have been profounding psychotically depressed. I had not spoken to a soul for 5 weeks.
We tripled my meds but no difference. George wanted me in hospital but as the wards in Queensland are now all locked wards I refused and made it plain Iwould harm anyone who was sent to remove me from my home.
I knew that the only chance I had was to change my environment.
collegue send me a text aboiut a position workng with young people with developmental trauma issues.
Being one to always grasp at straws I sent them a cover letter and sresume. Had an intervieew that week ( all while still being psychotic) and got the job.
Started yesterday.
It did the trick. It broke the back of the psychosis.
But some issues remain.
I've been having terrifying nightmares that interupt even my drugged sleep and the immersive memorires are out of control.
Profound sadness and weeping continues and I'm really over it.
I thinkk I may require a second therapist. I have never disclosed the incidences in any detail in regard to the horrendous abuse I suffered growing up.
Nor have I really explored the late adoption. I was 4 yo. So many intact memeories.
Unfortunately psychologists arre expensive.
I have been self studtying neuro psychology for the last 18 months so I have come to understand at least in the simplest of ways the neurological malformations that are precursors for this behaviour.
There are no pharma interventions though that mitigate this stuff as of yet.
So I begin again. I do still hope for something better. I don't know how to achieve this but I will continue to hope.
Hope may fade and become invisible but I spose that when the clouds eventually part
Hope somehpow endures
Rick
