Aunty insist on apology from my SZ son

Your son's aunt needs to educate herself on mental illness and the complicated and difficult -to- understand- behaviour that goes with it. It's very important that family members understand it's the illness speaking/behaving, not their loved one. It is common for someone living with a mental illness to say things whilst not well, but have no memory of doing so afterwards.

hello @Grasshopper3

I believe that your son's aunt is putting unrealistic demands on your family.

This person is not respecting the dynamics of the relationship with your son.

Your son is a human being who has rights and needs to be treated with respect. This relative is not respecting him or you for that matter. Her attitude of demanding an apology sounds as though she might be struggling with her own feelings, guilt? Only she can sort that out. It sounds as though you have known her for a long time. How is her behaviour normally? Is she a closed book with the belief that she is always right?

Another way of looking at it would be : if the person was not a relative, would you invite them with that behaviour?

Personally, if this was about myself and my son I would be respecting my son's journey in determining whom I invited into my home, relative or not.

I know that when the time comes where my son will let me see him and offer support, I will be very selective with whom I give information of his whereabouts. In fact he will make that decision as it is his life.

Finally have you asked your son this question? What was his reply? What sort of a relationship does he feel he has with her also?

Hope that helps, in my experience family have only got in the way, none of them are helping me through my situation.

Yes, it's probably best to just let things go. If you're able to do that, you'll feel freer and more in control of your life. Very sad though. I'm sorry.

hello @Grasshopper3 @Jo

Very difficult for you as we all like to have family connection.

However, some families are renowned for misunderstanding and not bothering to look into how the illness can affect an individual. I have distanced myself from certain toxic family members on my husband's side.

You are a loving mother and putting the needs of your son above her needs. You are strong and he will recognise this. This unselfish reaction will only serve to increase his trust and bring him closer to you.

This is the situation now. Time might change her reaction. She might as the storm passes, recognise how strong you are and that perhaps she could have handled the situation very differently. She might not.

We cannot change how others think. We can look after ourselves and our loved ones though.

You are so brave.

Yes keep writing on here.

It helps you and at the same time, I find that in reading other's situations it helps me too.

A circle of trust

take care

Hello @Grasshopper3 @Jo

Oh my goodness. You and your son have just made my day.

You are truly wonderful with your son.

camping again,brilliant.

singing songs together, laughing.

Matosh you have found a true remedy for schizophrenia. You have allowed your son to be himself and not hide for fear of judgement from others. This is true love. This is empirical love and bonding.

That dreadful man was controlling and manipulative. He dared say that your son was negative! What a hypocritical statement coming from someone who was being negative.

You dont need to prove anything to anybody. You have your answer in your son.

I love your relationship with him.,

The missing person reports were cancelled as each time they located him and spoke with him he presented as being well; having a break away from his parents.

He rang his dad who sent me a text message as I had been talking to him during that day. I asked his dad to ask him if i could ring him and I got the wonderful response back "yes"

I have had two phone calls from him now. I am able to have a conversation with him whilst being aware of what he is defensive about and what appears to be triggering his paranoia. Sometimes I have to apologise and explain that I misunderstood and then I steer the conversation away from that subject to discuss usually nature or music. I was able to tell him that his nana was now in a nursing home. He was concerned at first but settled after I explained that it was her choice and was the best place for her as she is now high care. I also discussed my concerns in talking to him whilst i am overseas for two months. I explained the high cost in phone calls from mobiles. So we are both looking into skype.

So whilst I realise that this is the situation now, I am enjoying now with him and hoping because of this fact that the future will be less traumatic for him. I was able to tell him how much I love him and he responded back with the same this time. Such precious moments for us both. I am also explaining all of this to my younger son and he has a very healthy outlook re the situation too.

Matosh, we never thought that life would take us down this path did we when we gave birth to these beautiful boys. We are both doing the best that we can driven by the love that we have for them.

At the same time as I have just recently come to terms with, we must look after ourselves too. Our sons would want this for us as well. We have our own selves and we are just as important.

Please keep sharing, your words help hold me up as I hope that mine do for you.

Jo, whilst not here in words you are here in our thoughts. xx