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Something’s not right

STORM DAMAGE!!!

STORM DAMAGE!!!

I don't live in a great neighbourhood, break ins, yelling, someone chased someone else down the road with a machete, get knocks on the door all hours of the night, one house falling down and wrecked by neighbourhood kids, (bank only wants $5000 for land and house but still can't sell it), but my sister and I have a mortgage so at the moment we're stuck. Some days you just get on with life, I mean these things are not constant but the fact that they are there can add to the stresses.

Close neighbours do look out for one another but noone becomes too involved, a hi over the fence, put their garbage out if they are not home etc. We tend to keep to ourselves, us and our two dogs. Life goes on.

Last night we had what I can only call a 15 minute cyclone. Rain, wind and all of that. I went to close the back door and through the haze I watched a 60 m gum tree crash down onto another house across the road. Rang SES but there was really little else I could do. Luckily, noone was home at the house that the tree actually fell on but the damage was obvious. It's a 2 story dwelling and the tree has ripped the roof off basically. SES could not do anything cause it was so dark and there was lightning etc but today when we came home it had been removed, leaving a scarred and fractured poor old house.

I began to think about the similarities between that house and me. Trauma created such a big explosion, leaving it/me looking and feeling destroyed and exposed but noone else seemed to be completely aware of the inside damage. What's more noone really seemed to care. Life just went on.

When that tree fell, I felt terribly afraid. There are other trees around our houses and what damage would be caused ir they too toppled in the wind. Maybe they are stronger, maybe it was only this tree, it's roots rottened that could not sustain life. I can't call the SES for me...too damaged anyway, and who cares?

Any takers? Maybe just a c9nfused rant. Bb

2 replies

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In response to: STORM DAMAGE!!!

Re: STORM DAMAGE!!!

Hi there @Baileyboy,

That sounds like a really scary storm, I am so glad you got through it all okay. It sounds like you are not really coping well at the moment and referred to not being able to get help like the SES wre there to remove the tree and that is the best they could do, it is lucky no one was hurt inside.

I understand how seeing the house destroyed and vulnerable has left you feeling similar, in that you have gone through trauma like the house and without repair or healing the house remains vulnerable. Do you feel as though no one cares or there is no one to help you heal? I can't imagine how tough that feeling is for you right now. Are you getting support for this at the moment at all?

Lunar

In response to: Re: STORM DAMAGE!!!

Re: STORM DAMAGE!!!

You are right @Former-Member, I do feel especially alone and vulnerable at the moment and the ' tree ' just can't be cut up and removed. And of course when it is you get a really bare look at what damage has been done and if it's worth restoring. A little while ago I saw the people had arrived to try to get a few personal belongings out and clean up a bit but they were telling me the whole house might be structurally damaged and may have to be pulled down. As it is attatched to a neighbouring building which id basicaloy derelict they might both be torn down.

Can you guess what that made me think about? @Former-Member, that maybe my damage is too toxic for others and will only destroy those that are close.

Today I saw my psychologist who stated that she could see I was not in a good space at the moment...der! But I tried to explain some physical symptoms I've been having reguarding abuse memories and although I was really embarrased and ashamed, she did sort of help. I guess noone has ever died of embarrassment.... yet! She elained that menopause could be triggering things as well. Great, just great. I obviously can't trust my own body or thought so how can I trust anyone else. Alone has become my middle, maybe first and last name too. She also suggested that I have a talk to my gp about it, who I had to see today as well..nothing better to do.. and she asked me what was she supposed to do about it.

It's all too hard. Maybe I am just better off living with the storm damage. Noone else, but me can clean up the mess and I haven't got any isurance...ha!

Bb.

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