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To challenge or ride through?

Dark_OlenaSenior Contributor09 Apr 2017, 8:09 am AEST

To challenge or ride through?

Hi,

Is depression and grief something that has to be sailed through and ridden or is it something that needs to be challenged and worked on? I'm not finding anything the psychologist suggest helpful at all. To find a magic moment of the day. Pfft to that. My mind is flat, no magic thoughts to be found. I said I was further worried about the change in weather, its already here and it pergetuates my depression even more, she said to rug up and go look at the different formations of cloud, there is no definition in rain clouds, its all one grey dark sheet. I think challenging depression and not getting a difference creates failure. I have a deep depression for my sisters illness for which she only has brief time, she is more foward positive than I, I guess she doenst have a choice, she is perhaps forced to focus on what she has now. I am forced to watch on and feel helpless. She went home to W.A last Wednesday and I am missing her terribly. I just want to go back to bed and its only 8 am. Sleeping more than I need.

4 replies

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In response to: To challenge or ride through?

CheerBearSenior Contributor09 Apr 2017, 9:30 am AEST

Re: To challenge or ride through?

Hi @Dark_Olena

Sorry to hear things are tough for you at the moment. I can understand why you'd be feeling so down, what you're going through is hard.

I don't know the answer to this as I think it would be different for everyone and different times in their lives too. I guess for me grief/loss and depression require a little bit of both riding it out and challenging it. Taking time to honour my feelings and acknowledge they're there and valid, then trying to find something that helps me move on is how I'm trying to tackle it. I do agree that when you're feeling really down, being asked to find something good or magic and not being able to can be very unhelpful as it might add an element of failure into it too. Sometimes doing whatever it is that you've done to get through each minute/hour/day is enough, it has to be.

Something I am finding helpful at the moment is looking through the forum to find that good, or be inspired to search for it, and sharing it with others. I like reading through and contributing to the 'Feel good moments thread', 'the highlight of your day' thread and I came across one about things to be grateful for last night that I enjoyed reading through. Not sure if they'd help you too but it's an idea if you want to try to challenge it but are getting stuck. If sitting with your feelings and recognising that things are really hard and sleeping to give yourself some rest or time to get through etc. is what is right for you, then I think that's fair enough as well.

Take care

In response to: Re: To challenge or ride through?

Unknown userMember09 Apr 2017, 2:07 pm AEST

Re: To challenge or ride through?

Hi @Dark_Olena
I'm so sorry thinks are feeling so awful at the moment, and i think the truth of it is that you have a lot to be sad and overwhelmed by 😞 But i think your psychologist might be trying to inspire you to take mini breaks from the hugely overwhelming nature of it all... Though i can totally understand why you can't right now. Try to keep faith in that you will get through this awful time, I have been there. When i was hospitalised a few years ago, i couldnt see anything ok in the world, couldnt find anything that lifted the depression or felt ok or meant anything... I knew that i loved my kids... but i really couldnt even 'feel' that. But there was an ending to that bleakness. You can get through this, sometimes its just geting from one moment to another. Argue with your psychologist if you need to, let her know that it all feels pointless.. but also want to urge you not to give up completely on what they're saying... it may not be working right now.. but it could later... if that makes sense.
here with you,
lj

In response to: Re: To challenge or ride through?

AppleblossomSenior Contributor09 Apr 2017, 8:56 pm AEST

Re: To challenge or ride through?

I never used to challenge authority, and saw therapists as in authority. I am finding it necessary now and it does get better results than always settling ... depends on your relationship with counsellor ...

Sorry to hear about your sister. @Dark_Olena It can be very draining to watch someone suffer.

I recently started to send my brother pictures like I do on here. It added a gentleness to our interactions as after a while I dont want to keep repeating myself trying to stay positive.

In response to: To challenge or ride through?

Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor10 Apr 2017, 8:37 pm AEST

Re: To challenge or ride through?

@Dark_Olena I'm really sorry to hear how much you are struggling at the moment. It is totally understandable that you can't find any "magic moments" in the day when you are trying to deal with your sister's illness. I definitely wouldn't appreciate a psychologist suggesting to me that I try to find magic moments - that is what I call "fluff" and I don't cope with fluff well at all!

As to whether depression should be challenged or ridden through, I think both are useful at different times. I very much "ride the wave" of my very big feelings (indeed if you seach the forums for "riding a wave" you will see how I do that here sometimes). This idea is taught in both dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). The idea is that feelings are just feelings. There are no "bad" feelings and the more we tell ourselves we shouldn't be feeling something (such as sadness, anger etc) and try to fight against it the longer the feeling will last. Instead, the idea is to simply sit with it knowing that even very very big feelings pass.

On the other hand, I do also do things that I know will help me feel better, even if I don't want to. For example, if it is a sunny day, I might choose to go and lie outside in the garden rather than lie in bed because I know that sunshine helps with feelings of depression. Or I will go for a walk or commit to making one proper healthy meal in the day.

So...I guess what I'm saying is that I spend a LOT of time sitting with my big feelings, but I also force myself to do things that I know will help, even when I really don't feel like it.

I don't know if any of this is of any use to you in your situation. I super hope you are able to find a way to feel a little bit better super soon.

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