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Topic Tuesday - CLOSED - Is life not going the direction you thought? A discussion about the loss a carer experiences

NikNikSenior Contributor19 Mar 2015, 10:46 pm AEDT

Topic Tuesday - CLOSED - Is life not going the direction you thought? A discussion about the loss a carer experiences

Coming up...

Topic Tuesday, 24 March @ 7pm AEDT

Do you remember when the person you care for was diagnosed? Or the first time the person you care for had to go to hospital? Or even the time you just couldn't do what you wanted to do because of your responsibilities as a carer? So many mixed emotions.

One of the emotions that carers often push aside or don't realise they are going through is grief; the sense of loss of a life not going the direction you anticipated for yourself or the person you care for, a change of expectations and dreams, and even a loss of hope.

Topic Tuesday will feature Sarah Coker from SANE Australia, who will share information and offer advice about the loss and grief all carers go through; how to recognise it, strategies to deal with it and how to maintain your sense of hope.

Whether you are just recognising the signs of loss, are currently right in the middle of it, or have been through it and managed it, your contribution, experience and thoughts are encouraged.

Hit the 'Like' button below if you'll be joining us - 7pm AEDT

69 replies

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In response to: Topic Tuesday - CLOSED - Is life not going the direction you thought? A discussion about the loss a carer experiences

RjbContributor24 Mar 2015, 7:40 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday / 24 March 7pm AEDT / Is life not going the direction you thought? A discussion about the loss a carer experiences

Hey, concerned I have found that when I share my situation with family friends and colleagues I have found them supportive- I take time to educate them about the illness and when I do that I find I reawaken knowledge I have put away. This helps me become calm and caring again

In response to: Topic Tuesday - CLOSED - Is life not going the direction you thought? A discussion about the loss a carer experiences

RjbContributor24 Mar 2015, 7:42 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday / 24 March 7pm AEDT / Is life not going the direction you thought? A discussion about the loss a carer experiences

She has an appt tomorrow with GP, dr and I have had 3 x conversations today. I expressed my concern that it may be time for a psych intervention again . Daughter was in hospital for. Oct and nov 2014, May be time again, she was sectioned and may need that again

In response to: Topic Tuesday - CLOSED - Is life not going the direction you thought? A discussion about the loss a carer experiences

Unknown userMember24 Mar 2015, 7:43 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday / 24 March 7pm AEDT / Is life not going the direction you thought? A discussion about the loss a carer experiences

Hi CherryBomb that's a really good question about how we manage after life has been so radically altered. I think it is about finding a balance of connecting with your old life and also accommodating the chages that have occured. The "old life" may never come back exactly as it was, and that in itself can be cause for grief. However we can learn to grow around this loss and to find new ways of living in the changed world that we are now in. It's also importnat to take time out from the demands of caring from someone and to nuture yourself.

In response to: Topic Tuesday - CLOSED - Is life not going the direction you thought? A discussion about the loss a carer experiences

CherryBombSenior Contributor24 Mar 2015, 7:44 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday / 24 March 7pm AEDT / Is life not going the direction you thought? A discussion about the loss a carer experiences

Great post from @Viv

Feeling like we're lost in fog, and further blinded by guilt and a sense obligation can create obstacles to having a relationship. @Viv , can I ask how you, or what made you have that realisation?

In response to: Topic Tuesday - CLOSED - Is life not going the direction you thought? A discussion about the loss a carer experiences

ConcernedSenior Contributor24 Mar 2015, 7:44 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday / 24 March 7pm AEDT / Is life not going the direction you thought? A discussion about the loss a carer experiences

Hi Sarah,

I'd love any advice on how to get some freedom back. Because my daughter is suicidal, and has been for around six months, she sees me as her 'rock'. She's not coping with anything, and I feel totally smothered. I hardly socialise or do anything on my own for fear that it will be too much for her and she will end it all.

In response to: Topic Tuesday - CLOSED - Is life not going the direction you thought? A discussion about the loss a carer experiences

AttahuaSenior Contributor24 Mar 2015, 7:45 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday / 24 March 7pm AEDT / Is life not going the direction you thought? A discussion about the loss a carer experiences

Thanx Sara, my partner's family and I do not have a particularly positive relationship with his doctor as the doc reduces meds without consulting the MHT and psychiatrist and the Guardianship board so feel very frustrated about that. As we live in a country town my partner has pretty much had three psychiatrists in past year due to them being fly in fly outs and temporary. We finally have one who is staying but when he met my partner he made him feel as though he was just taking up his time as right now my partner is as well as he can be and only sees the doc because it is part of his CTO!! To say he lacks insight would be an understatement although he is getting better at acknowledging that he has schizophrenia but will not accept the schizo effective diagnosis even tho he has lived with this for 25 years grrrrr

In response to: Topic Tuesday - CLOSED - Is life not going the direction you thought? A discussion about the loss a carer experiences

ConcernedSenior Contributor24 Mar 2015, 7:47 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday / 24 March 7pm AEDT / Is life not going the direction you thought? A discussion about the loss a carer experiences

Hi untethered, I haven't told my employer for two reasons. Firstly, I don't want my daughter to be judged and spoken about like she has two heads and secondly, it's a place I can go where I am just like everyone else. It's nice not to be asked questions constantly about how she is.

In response to: Topic Tuesday - CLOSED - Is life not going the direction you thought? A discussion about the loss a carer experiences

3formeSenior Contributor24 Mar 2015, 7:49 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday - NOW OPEN - Is life not going the direction you thought? A discussion about the loss a carer experiences

Thanks Viv,

I can certainly relate to this. My daughter became very unwell several years ago. I think we can hide our feeling of loss and grief when we're busy getting care in the early days. But, at some stage I think as carers we need to face up to our sense of loss.

When I came to the conclusion that I couldn't change her, or her illness, I realised that I had to change myself and the way I thought about things.

I sometimes think about the 15 year old girl that she was when she had a psychosis, but then I move on to the lovely courageous young woman she has become. Not living the life she would otherwise be living, but a good life regardless of the illness she lives with.

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday / 24 March 7pm AEDT / Is life not going the direction you thought? A discussion about the loss a carer experiences

ConcernedSenior Contributor24 Mar 2015, 7:50 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday / 24 March 7pm AEDT / Is life not going the direction you thought? A discussion about the loss a carer experiences

Hi Rjb, my family is also unaware of my daughter's problem. She was severely bullied at school which started this problem. My sister's daughters (her two cousins) were some of the bullies, one of them was relentless. This was brought up with my family at the time and it caused a huge family drama. Not going there again!

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday / 24 March 7pm AEDT / Is life not going the direction you thought? A discussion about the loss a carer experiences

RjbContributor24 Mar 2015, 7:51 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday / 24 March 7pm AEDT / Is life not going the direction you thought? A discussion about the loss a carer experiences

Attahua, lousy when our loved one lacks the insight to do what needs to be done, and challenges our goodwill and love when we offer direction.

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Aboriginal flag

Torres Strait Islander flag

Transgender flag

SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.