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Who am i?

ThinkerCasual Contributor31 Mar 2017, 3:22 pm AEDT

Who am i?

My first time here, I don't know if it's the right place but I feel I need to say something.

Recently, the person I thought I was vanished. I was a "normal" kid until I felt this weird emotion inside my body, and it made me question what it is. I stayed with the feeling and followed it. It was a peaceful feeling, until I wanted to stop and go back to what I was doing, but I couldn't get out of it. The weird feeling has made me question why i study, why I work, why do anything? Motivation is gone, passion is gone. I'm no longer interested or care for the universe, or the things within it. My identity is gone. People call my name and I respond by I know it's not "me". I don't feel I am the body I'm in, I don't feel I am my mind, or a student or a worker, or a friend, or anything. In fact, those things to me seem like they're fake identies we accept and play the role of them because we don't really know who we are or what we are... that's the thought I have about that. I can't study anymore and I can't work... I can't do anything, I just don't care because I fee it's pointless, there's no permanent reward. At the same time, I'm actually really deeply happy. I don't feel depressed, I don't feel anything negative. I don't care if I become a bum and have nothing, because I feel that this whole universe is like a dream. I actually can't tel the difference between a dream, sleep, and this waking life.
I don't know anything. All morals and concepts and ideas that I believed were gone. I don't see good or evil, I see them as the same thing... like two sides of the same coin.
I have no sense of why I should be certain things or why I shouldn't be doing certain things.
I feel I don't even exist. That I am just a thought that was given and taught to me since birth.
Basically, I don't know who I am. Who is the one typing this? Speaking this? An experiexper? But I can talk about the experiencer, so how can I be that?
That's literally the inner dialogue that I witness. I don't ask these questions, mind asks them, I observe the mind asking and trying to find some sort of identity.
I have a feeling that I am not the body or mind, and that the universe doesn't exist the way it appears, and I feel this joy because of it. I don't know why this has happened.
I'm typing because friends and family are concerned, they call me crazy, delusional, etc
I mean this when I say it... I don't know anything, and I don't know who I am... but, I am. I am nothing. I don't feel the need to do anything, I just feel this life is a 3D movie, and I'm the producer, the writter, the actor, within my point of view. I'm just watching all sensations and thoughts change forever, and I'm the screen which all this appears on.

Please tell me what the hell is going on...

12 replies

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In response to: Who am i?

ThinkerCasual Contributor31 Mar 2017, 5:51 pm AEDT

Re: Who am i?

@Mazarita No problem

There is nobody that has come in my life who is non-judgemental. I listend to my family and friends, and I am here for a start. I will be going to a doctor also. If it makes them feel more comfortable.

Yes, at the time the mind was trying to bring up a lot of fears about what I will do now, and how will I act, and tried to attach itself to something to have some stability... but it didn't succeed, something pushed "me" out and what remains is what I am. All mental concepts and beliefs and sense of self is gone though.

What I do in my days; If there is work, I go to work. If theres uni, i go to uni. If people want me around them, i go with them. Though, I don't feel the need to do any of that, I do it but its difficult because I work in a law firm and my study is law. Its difficult to care about it, and have the drive i had before. A "new" bizzare activity that came with this though, is that I sit down very very often, and I go for long long walks very often. I never use to sit down and do nothing, and I never use to go for walks for a long time.

I feel that the lack of motivation, and the "new" perspective is why family and friends are concerned.
I thought I was concerned, but I see making this post was to recieve other opinions to see if anybody can understand what it is im talking aobut.
Mind is a trickster

In response to: Re: Who am i?

MazaritaSenior Contributor31 Mar 2017, 6:07 pm AEDT

Re: Who am i?

@Thinker, yes, it is a paradox to talk about the mind from within the mind.

I too have worked in law firms in the past (word processing and secretarial), and I know that the work has been very stressful for me because of the fast pace I experienced, and the repetitiveness of what I was doing. During these times motivation has dwindled, sometimes to nothing. It's often been in times like this that I would be questioning the meaning of everything in a big way and start to feel quite unstable and remote from things. Like you, I have been able to do this 'quietly' sometimes. Just withdrawing further and further into some depth of my mind. The most vivid manifestation of this is when I was no longer able to work in a legal job and went to sleep for about 20 hours a day for several months.

I wonder if there is any part of this that you relate to.

As I see it, the sitting down a lot (very familiar to me too), is perhaps not so helpful. And yet I understand it may be unavoidable. The long walks you are taking, on the other hand, may be very beneficial to your state of being at this time.

I sense that this is something you may be going through temporarily.

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