Eating Disorder

No wonder you go a bit wobbly from time to time @Faith-and-Hope - this is a very hard path to tread - and you do need a shoulder - but it's a bit more than just a shoulder with all of this going on.

So yes - I can see and understand that you need to do what you do to maintain some control over his health while all this is going on - and it must be intensely aggravating at times - and when I was coping with the tail-end of my married life I would lose it with LH - you are not in the position of tellilng him where to go etc - because in his state he might just add that to his list of disorders -

If anyone says anything in LE in the future - with your permission - I will refer them to this thread - because I understand more now - but it is much easier to say - please read Different Forms of Eating Disorder

And indeed - there must be other people with ED and then those who care for them - who would benefit from reading this - it is fantastic source material - and I am wondering if it is in the Fact Sheets already in the Forums Information Area

Thanks for writing of this - and giving us the source information - well done

And I hope you have that shoulder - this is something where there is nothing much you can do except stay with it and go through it day by day - knowing what you can control and what you cannot. We can care - I can care - but I don't know what it is like to go through this every day

Many hugs

Decadian

Thank you so much much @Former-Member .... 😊

I have asked @Former-Member just now about moving other content onto this thread, and whether it needs to have a trigger warning on it.

💗

You're welcome Faith-and-Hope, hope it was a little bit useful as you already seem a wealth of knowledge on the topic. So glad you've picked up and run with it. I know this will help others who read it in the future.

You are so motivated in supporting your hubby, I'm so impressed by that. Hang in there - have a feeling its all for a reason, for good, you'll see (do you know that scripture verse?).

As for 'triggerwarning, honestly - good grief, this is a MH forum, ANYTHING & EVERYTHING CAN BE A TRIGGER - therefore, the 'warning' would be better on the home page next to 'this is not a 'crisis' forum speel. Its up to us to be self aware and pull back or avoid certain topics. That's just my take on the recent 'trend' to state the obvious in discussion titles.

One of my fellow hospital inpatients had severe anorexia, we became quite close. Here I was in my 20s getting to know what eating disorders can do - up close. She ran ran ran, had to stay thin, she was so malnourished the her periods stopped and she was flat chested. This suited her fine because she was confused about her sexual identity and preferred to look genda neutral (her childhood had much trauma). She would eat like a bird and never have fats (like butter, or oils, which the brain really needs). Unfortunately she suffered major depression & SI, was a heavy b#nge drinker that triggered severe SH frequently requuring surgery. SI took her is the end, but she told me everything - i blame her dad who should be removed from society.

My Brizzy friend's hubby sounds like yours. When I've stayed over their place its crazy what a 'tight' ship they run there, especially in the kitchen. Makes me tense. He was a triathlete but due to hamstring injury has to bike ride now - I mean like 50-100km day. He is so smart, the go to man on nutrition and exercise (except maybe my estranged BIL who's a GP Dr specialising in nutritional medicine, helping more people than he ever really did with mainstream medicine only, he says).

But back to my Brissy friend - both of them, now in early 60s jog and gym and diet and they're both thin but healthy and energetic. Just quietly, I think my 'morbid obesity' disgusts them.

I grow tired of the obcession when I'm there. This friend often rings me while she's out jogging or walking (constant distractions), or if at home she'll be pulling bindies and weeds, or cooking, sometimes, despite being so lonely, I'll say I can't hear you properly andchamg up (can't waste a minute having a quiet cuppa or conversation, grr). Think she thinks she's helping me by putting it in my face with every contact..

I hate being fat, and this all makes me feel more unacceptable, Pressures me to be more, to do 'the impossible' - its an affront to my SE. I'll never be that thin, gosh - she shops in the childrens section for clothes and shoes half the time.. When I lose 10kg (which is hard), nobody notices. Pressure, social stigma and nagging has the opposite affect on me - upsets me so I b#nge or go to bed crying or 'sleep-escape' for days. Social phobia++.. Past dieting I have become bulimic (v#mit), and laxative abuse. I go haywire and my metabolism has suffered it seems.

Now I just try to 'survive' and food, take it or leave it.

Oh, sorry, didn't mean to take so long. Big hugz xox

Hi Dec, Decadian suzanne

PS got redlighted 6 times writing this grr

Hi Tawney 🙂

Hi @Dothemo .... 😊

That's my ears pricked up when I heard you mention OCD on your Meaningful Change thread .... I was piecing together the OCD factor in our case with my hubby ..... and after describing what's going on to the e.d. counsellor today, that's what she said .... that OCD is driving this thing for him .... evident in the behaviour patterns, and germ phobia is one of the more recent additions to our mess.

Aw @Former-Member

I am so glad that @Faith-and-Hope has been able to give you some worthwhile info here -

From my own story I used to be so thin it was painful - and I cannot imagine anyone being happy being so thin - and I didn't have an eating disorder - I was stressed out with my son being so hard to get on with - it was so hard - I was 48 kg and I am 170 cm and I can tell you this was terrible

I am a bit overweight now - maybe it's my medication - I think it slows me down - I do not get the exercise I used to but I look at people who are overweight - to whatever degree - that no one wants to be really overweight - but the important thing is that we all know what our weight it and we do not need to be told

And people who are holier than thou about the whole thing - man - that is so unfair - it's your body and you wear it every day and I am sorry that you are yet another person who is wearing that really hard label that other people hang on you - like shame on you for being like this - when it is not something you want or something you can do anything about so easily

Let me think - I had something brilliant to say to you - I will have to rethink.

Doncha just hate it when an idea just vanishes like that

Anyway - you are right - our brains need long chain fatty acids to develop and work efficiently - and who wrote the rule book what is happy and healthy and what is miserable over-righteousness on the subject of weight? We think better and more quickly when we have a healthy fat intake - and when it all boils down - some people live to eat and other people eat to live and it is not fair for people to point the finger - as with many things it takes many things into account and no one has the ultimate say in the subject

I understand and I care - the mirrors in fitting rooms are tricky and I have figured that out at this stage in my old age - we stand to close to them and they give us the wrong idea of how we appear - and really - most people do not notice and do not care

Because I carry more than I used to and just because I have had the menopause I think and because my medication slowing me down - I understand how distressing this is - and no one has the right at all to criticise you - you do that enough yourself I am sure

The important attributes of us as people are invisible are inside us - and nothing can change or alter the person we are within - and I know you are a beautiful person

I know this terribly hard for you - and I care how you feel - but I would never judge you

Oh yes - that idea I had that I forgot - when I was super-thin and very unhappy people would tell me how lucky I was - but believe me - it is hard to gain weight as well as to lose it

Thinking of your always Tawns

Dec

Hi @Former-Member ..... 😊 👋

Just wanted to tell you ..... I don't diet.

I eat to fuel my body for the sort of day I expect to have.

If I am not doing much, I choose lighter type foods. If I am cold, I eat something warm and filling. If I am hot, it's nice to have something refreshing and cool, but I don't have rules about that .... only "this is okay, but this would be better ...." eg, on a hot day if I want to eat ice cream, it's better to have it with some fruit, like sliced mango, which I love, and maybe a drizzle of bottled Passionfruit pulp .... and then I can reasonably call it a meal ..... and I don't feel like eating the whole tub of ice cream, or the whole tin of mangos, or the whole jar or Passionfruit pulp. If I do feel like having some more, I have a mug of tea with milk, and then stop and ask myself whether I still feel like having more. Usually the answer is no,

Its hard to eat a large bowl of muesli ... but I don't just like any muesli ... so I have considered them well as to which one I would like, and I usually use it as a sprinkle on top of yogurt with .... you guessed it .... mango and Passionfruit pulp .... 😆

I really like cheese, so I have it in a fresh-bread sandwich with chunky cut tomato and lettuce, and real butter .... and it's really nice, but if I want some more, I make a big mug of tea, and after that I consider whether I would still like some more .... and the answer is usually no.

I could go on listing foods I like all night .... cos I like food .... but I think you get the idea of how I go about things.

You can keep different sized bowls in the cupboard .... one that holds one cupful of food, one that holds two cupfuls of food, and one that holds three cupfuls of food, and tell yourself that you can only use each bowl once in the day (not set in stone, but as a general rule), so you need to decide which meats across the day you are going to have in each bowl. I can only eat about two tablespoons of muesli with milk for instance, so that would be the "baby bear" bowl .. and it's nice with a Coffeemate vanilla pod tipped into it btw .... sell them in Woolies too ....

Hope this helps ... quiz me for more ideas if you like ....

❤️💕