QueenieSenior Contributor
Had a breakthrough: past miscarriage - may trigger
I've had a breakthrough in therapy.
I am still not over the loss of my child when I was 17 years old. I had only lost my brother a year before from a long terminal illness. I can't talk about with anyone because my family never knew I was pregnant to start with and it is something that if you knew me in person, you'd know I'd never raise as a subject. I am probably the LEAST maternal person around, so why am I still grieving for something that never was meant to be?
Apparently a lot of my attachment issues (or lack of forming attachments rather) can be traced back to significant losses... the loss of my mother at 11, the loss of my brother at 16 and the loss of my child at 17. I never realised twenty-one years on, I'd still be deeply affected. When I had my miscarriage I was hospitalised overnight and discharged without any follow up care at all. My GP was disinterested. I didn't know there was counselling available for such things so I never went. As the pregnancy was under 20 weeks, there was no need for a funeral as back then, my child was not considered a human being. This year I would have had a young man or young woman in my life, if things went differently. They would be celebrating their coming of age.
Anyway, that's my breakthrough. Thought I'd share my 'progress' with you all and let those skeletons out of the closet again.
I was told by the father of the child that the miscarriage was a good thing too and that I should've actually been happy about it. We split soon after.
