Topic Wednesday // Managing Conflict // 26 April, 7 - 9pm AEST

If no one wants to share expereinces of times when assertiveness communication has been helpful or used in their lives, I can share some tips on how to implement these communication skills in your discussions.

• Use "..I.." statements such as "..I feel "x"....when....". This way of communicating allows you to express your feelings in a particualr situation and allows the other person to understand your perspective
• Speak in a relaxed and calm but firm tone of voice
• Use open body language-often in times of conflict we can do things with our bodies such as putting our hands on our hips or crossing our arms which can be percieved as closing ourselves off are defensive. Being more mindful of having open body language can assist. Remember much of communication is not made up of the words we say but the non-verbal aspect of communication being body langague and tone of voice. These things are important for effective communication and conflict management.
• Lastly is listening to the other person. I know this sounds simple...but honestly it is hard sometimes to really listen to the other person and really HEAR what they are saying. Often we are thinking about the next thing we can say to defend ourselves or disagree with what the other person is saying. If you listen to the other persons needs, thoughts, feelings and expectations and validate what they have said, you can then have your turn to respond.

Conflict is not about "winning" the dicussion or being "right". It is about working together to find a resolution to the issue and can make your relationship stronger.

Assertiveness skills really take some work and practice. A good tool to assist you in developing these skills if this is an area you feel you could use some practice in is available on the following website:

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=51

This is a great example @Former-Member, thanks for sharing this with us

that is a good one @Former-Member, @Former-Member

Sorry everyone, have to leave a little early. Conflict in our house, over food!

@Former-Member Thanks for the discussion, I found it very informative.

Assertiveness skills really take some work and practice, Yes @Former-Member

and another one I have learnt is DON`t start with "YOU "

Very true @Former-Member

it is no good to argue , it does not help anyone @Former-Member

thank you @Former-Member, for a very interesting night

thank you @Former-Member, @Hank, @Anony18, @Mazarita, @soul

Hi @Anony18, thanks for stopping by

It is so hard when your partner is isolating you and of course this behaviour leaves you feeling confused as well as many other things.

it sounds as though it is possible that his family life/upbringing has shaped his commiuncation style to a degree and depending on his mental health as well he may be withdrawing socially due to this in addition to the way he handles conflict. I appreciate that this puts you in a difficult position. I can hear that you are respecting his need for some space and it think it becomes confusing to know how much time is enough time for him to process what is happening for him.

What I've taken from what you have said is that you are wanting to talk to him about his communication style as this way of communicating or "shutting" you out so to speak is perhaps not working well for you. There is nothing specifically that you can do or say that will make him talk as such, as we can only control our own behaviour. However, it would be worthwhile if and when you can, to try and set up a time where you are both able to calmly discuss the way him isolating you makes you feel and what your needs and expectations around this are. It is important to give him the space to be able to express his thoughts and feelings on this and see if you can both come to an agree together about how you can do this in a different way where you both get your needs meet. Be this your need to not be isolated in this and his need for space or any other needs you can identify.

Something that may be helpful here is the blog I wrote on conflict management, which you can find here.

I hope this helps