Dark_OlenaSenior Contributor
flat as paper
I am feeling like utter nothing and flat as paper, depression is seeping in. My son asked to live with us for 4 months, with his family, it simply wont work for many reasons and even thinking about telling him, causes me great panic and feeling a rift could arise. Im not strong enough and my daughter has already been displaced as my sister came to stay for 12 nights, she has brain and lung cancer and my daughter gave up her bedroom for her aunt and with my daughters aspergers I could see how displaced she was, so having 4 family move in with us is so not fair for her and myself, I would imagine myself retreating to a quiet small space in my home in burnout. My sister with cancer is staying with other sister and I am recovering, I am a sponge and absorb too many emotions and I know sister with cancer is exptremely lonely and doenst want to go back to her home, so this is making me very emotional, she has to go back to have her scans and tests to see what her cancer is doing. This feeling is really so deep I can feel it in my throat and it hurts phsyically. How to ride this wave of sadness but wait it out. I feel really ungrateful cause I dont have cancer but mental health issues and its awful and debilitating, and we drove past our mother's house the other day and I had not drove down her street in 6 years and they in the car said dont be so silly, and I got really mad and said I will do this my way and put my head down and refused to look at mothers house. She discarded 3 daughters in favour of one, and I'm one of the 3 discarded. So it was really hard to look around on this street let alone her home.
So sorry, all my pain is just dribbling out in words.
