Spicy7Casual Contributor
Recent and unexpected cPTSD diagnosis
From everyone who knows me it shouldn't have been a surprise to me that I have cPTSD but it really was. I didn't realise how deep the effects went til I got my diagnosis and the past 2 months have been so full of rage that gives way to deep grief. I have been doing inner child work this year and finding that I am the safe space I always searched for, but never having had parents that protected me or met even my basic needs on occasion has been so hard to deal with. My mum was regulary physically violent and always emotionally and verbally abusive and I always thought my dad was my hero, but I only just realised he never stood up to her, just smoothed it over afterwards. It has been really hard to process the emotions around it and how my view of my childhood has shifted and I have been staying home and being really kind to myself and seeing people when I have the spoons.
I had been mum's carer for the past 11 years until my support worker told me I was allowed to stop and I just had the hearing to hand over her care to a public advocate. The space this time has given me to address my own truama has been invaluable, but I am so full of grief that it came too late to be able to parent my own child effectively.