New diagnosis of Autism, ADHD and bonus cPTSD

Hi, I just found this space from a social media link. I have had 5 different mental health diagnoses over the last 30 years before this one and it's finally one that fits. I am a survivor of childhood abuse from my mother who I have been caring for for the last 11 years until I crashed in what I now know as burnout. I have been struggling with mental health issues since I was 14 and addiction since I was 21. I have almost 2 years clean and this has been the most transformative year of my life.

I always was told there was something wrong with me, told I was too rebellious and difficult for asking clarity when things didn't make sense to me, asked what drugs I was on (ironically before I even started using), I was too much but not enough and would do so well if I could just stop daydreaming and apply myself. I never knew that I was actually neurodivergent and trying to function in a system that was not built for me.

I have had over 30 jobs, lost many easily made friendships, been in abusive relationships despite "knowing better", and have been what I call the rainbow sheep of the family.

I have just turned 50 and was diagnosed 2 months before my birthday and have been struggling with the rage and grief that come from realising I was not broken and there was nothing "wrong" with me. I am a survivor of severe childhood abuse and trauma and undiagnosed neurodivergence. The gifts that come from these circumstances is my openmindedness and empathy, constant curiosity and ability to research and learn, and the resolution to never keep striving to find what I need to survive. The scars are never having known what it is to have a mother, being a parent who couldn't parent her child, the inability to regularly provide myself with basic self care, and the trauma responses that I struggle with regularly.

I hope that I can find people to connect with that have lived experience and be able to support others with compassion and the skills I have learned in my own healing journey. I find the biggest gift I recieve from others is knowing I'm not alone.