Loss

Hi Everyone,

I am reaching out because I need to talk about some issues I am having with grief. My father passed away 16 yrs ago and I have been residing near town where my family used to live for the past 2 and a half years. It annoys me that I might run into people who knew him and after 16 yrs I wouldn't know what to say to them. Also, after his death I was rejected by my whole family- around 2016 and have had little contact with all 13 of them, leaving me feeling a great sense of loss, and loss of identity. Also, I know I have a narcissistic mother and it's hard to detach even though we don't talk much or speak. Also, I have no friends, I don't know why - I am just always isolated and alone and it is difficult to make meaningful friendships. I just won't settle to be around people I don't like much, I know it's ridiculous and embarrassing to have no friends. I can be social at work, in classes, but don't commit to friendships.i don't know how to change it. I've been living like this for over 7 yrs. I'm tired and alone. And at a LOSS. It is devastating to know, the loving caring family I thought I had doesn't exist. That unconditional love I grew up with doesn't exist- that I cant call or visit family members at any hour if in crisis. That I have no help whatsoever in the world but me until I seek it out. I'm totally alone, and I'm moving to an area so I don't have to think about my dad all the time while living here. I am middle aged with no husband or kids. And I am afraid of people taking advantage of my aloneness. I've already had less than attractive men try to con me into staying in contact with them and playing games because they know I am alone. Any advice, wisdom, kindness is appreciated! Please help...