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Managing relationships

A relationship barely hanging on

A relationship barely hanging on

My partner is currently in transition- due to be medically retired next month after 30 plus years in the army. Recently after 4 years together, we have recurrent relationship struggles and I am exhausted. The last 12 months have been a whirlwind and I have been on a crash course learning about PTSD, getting my own counselling, creating what I thought were healthy boundaries. I requested couple counselling and he agreed. We both did an intake and have not yet heard an outcome for acceptance with open arms. Everything is currently my fault, I can do no right and I dont know what to do next. How long does it normally take to get notified? I feel its our last chance to make this work for us. He is amazing with other people, his behaviour with them reminds me why I fell in love with him but the mask comes off when its just us and I am beginning to feel he really just wants me gone.

3 replies

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In response to: A relationship barely hanging on

Re: A relationship barely hanging on

Dear @DaretoDream ,

Thank you for sharing. It sounds so difficult for you right now. And it must feel harder that you feel it's your fault.

Whilst we cannot give you a timeframe for the notification, you have a whole community sitting with you here.

You may also be interested in SANE's RecoveryClub if you are not already registerd: https://www.sane.org/recovery-club

You are not alone

In response to: A relationship barely hanging on

Re: A relationship barely hanging on

Hi @DaretoDream welcome!

It sounds like you've been doing it tough, and transition is difficult in its own right.

Whilst waiting for Open Arms, perhaps chat to https://www.relationships.org.au

Your partner may also like to check out https://saneforums.org/boards/veteransforumforum-board, and for you https://saneforums.org/boards/veterans-supportersforum-board

For your partner there is also:

In response to: A relationship barely hanging on

Re: A relationship barely hanging on

Hello @DaretoDream

Sorry to hear that you are undergoing difficulty in your relationship. I think it's quite common that people who have been in the army experience difficulties in their relationships. Ptsd is a horrible thing it changes the way your nervous system responds and you are constantly on high alert for danger. Your partner might be experiencing flashbacks, nightmares, anything can set them off. They probably are very withdrawn and may isolate. They would be in survival mode. Your partner might appear okay to other people but they could also be in denial. Their irritability would most likely be due to the ptsd. They would have also been trained to respond in certain ways in the army environment which is very different to civilian life.

It could take a long time for your partner to feel better.

You will need support as much as your partner does. I would do a follow up with Open Arms and ask where they are in the process.

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