Extreme aggression from my adult son (suspected undiagnosed schizophrenia and drug use)

@WorriedMum2026 hi and welcome to the forums. i have a son who is 33 he has autism, schizophrenia, epilepsy and a moderate intellectual disability. so i am kind of in the same boat as yourself. my son is in a sil and is currently having problems (seems to be a constant with autism diagnosis it is never plain sailing). I am luckier in many ways as my son is more in need of support and cannot live by himself and will always need care as he is very autistic and his schizophrenia is chronic and basically untreatable even with medications. if you were asking me what i would do under your current circumstances with the information that you have given us i would take a huge step back. let him know you are always there should he want to make contact but for your own well being you must let him go. one thing i dont think you said was he on medication for his schizophrenia? if not that can be very problematic as i have found out myself in the past with my son.

I know the pain you are feeling believe me. No one gives you a handbook on this kind of thing when you become a parent. you kind of do the best you can do with the knowledge that you have.if you ever need to talk just tag me with a @ infront of my name. always here for you hun. Bunniekins

Hi @WorriedMum2026, welcome to the Forums. Thank you for sharing something so personal with us. It sounds like you and your family have been through an enormous amount, and I’m sorry you’re carrying so much uncertainty and grief.

I’m glad your family and friends are aware of what’s been happening. Please keep talking with them and leaning on their support, especially when things feel frightening or overwhelming. You don’t have to navigate this alone, and your safety matters too.

I can imagine how difficult it might feel to consider contacting the police when the situation involves your own son. Have you had a chance to speak with anyone about your safety or explore what options might be available? If you feel comfortable, you could consider speaking with a police officer about your concerns and getting some guidance, without necessarily having to make a formal report.

We’d also be happy to explore other support options with you, including SANE Recovery Club or services that support families and carers experiencing similar challenges. Is there any particular support or guidance you feel would be most helpful to you right now? 💛

Hi @Bunniekins,

Thank you so much for your kind, supportive (and immediate) reply; I really appreciate it. I have taken a step back over the past few months, both because he asked for it and because I'm conscious of the safety aspects. I haven't tried to correct his beliefs, as I think it's futile and he'll likely become more hostile. He has not been diagnosed with schizophrenia, but it's rife in his father's side of the family. He is on some antipsychotic and antidepressant medication, but it doesn't seem to be helping with the paranoia or aggression, and I'm fearful that both of those things reflect a slip back into drug use... It helps so much to know someone else understands. Thank you again.

Thank you, @Nala2022. Yes, I'd be interested in knowing what other support options are available. I guess I am hoping to get some sense of how other parents cope with the grief and powerlessness of a situation like this. I miss him desperately, but also recognise that I need to stay away. I'm also concerned for my other children because they want to defend and protect me, but I recognise that trying to reason with him could impact their safety. He tends to withdraw when he's angry, so I'm less concerned about him coming to my house, and I am very reluctant to call the police because of his community corrections order. It feels so hopeless.

Hi @WorriedMum2026 I'm hearing that connecting with other parents who have also experienced the sense of being powerless the grief that comes with that. Being here is a great start and its so good to see you already starting to connect with @Bunniekins

In terms of support options, as SANE's RecoveryClub has been mentioned I'll leave a link here where you can learn a bit more about this program Welcome to SANE’s Recovery Club

Other optional supports could be The Orange Door The Orange Door | orangedoor.vic.gov.au, 1800Respect Home | 1800RESPECT, and CarerGateway Homepage | Carer Gateway, these could be services to just reach out to have a chat and learn a bit more without needing to take any further steps if you're not comfortable. There are also more state-based services if you feel okay sharing your state

I hope this is a bit of a helpful start. I know it's so hard to reach out, particularly when it involves loved ones, but I hope you continue to feel supported here

Hi! Not quite the same as in the sibling (and primary carer) of someone with schizophrenia and autism.

I feel for you and understand your situation! It is never easy… and it is incredibly heartbreaking. I cope through doing everything I can (control the controllables) ie., give space but also remind him I care and am there for them (regardless of what they respond), and remind them as often as possible (whilst monitoring to ensure I’m not escalating delusions)

I take care of myself and also make sure that others don’t try and fix our (me and my brother) relationship when it’s tainted by the delusions as that’s when it can get really messy! I also find staying consistent, as in my responses and behaviours also really helps my brother but also me. And then surround myself with loved ones, do small things for myself everyday and constantly remind myself I’m doing everything I can as well!!

its such a hard period and a heartbreaking experience! I also find making sure I am seeing both sides at the same time to help me tolerate when my brother views me through his paranoia and tries to destroy my life - if I’m incredibly angry about that I have to remind myself how much I love him and care about him and if I just feel sorry for him or sad that he doesn’t get the life he deserves, then I remember he has some control and also neither do I

there is truly never a ‘right’ way to support someone under these circumstances, do what feels best and what is manageable and sustainable for you! You’ve got this