Need grief counselling

Hi @Merv-Dad, welcome to the forum. I'm very sorry for your loss, losing a parent is such a life-changing event, and apart from the grief we often reassess our own lives. There is no right or wrong way or timeline with grieving - it's very individual.

You can certainly post here, receive supportive replies, and share grief experiences with others, but it's not the same as 1:1 counselling.

Counselling is like any profession/trade - you need to shop around to find good practitioners. Even then, you have to "click" with them. It sounds like the one you tried was very unprofessional. Don't give up, keep trying to find someone you feel comfortable with.

If you are in Victoria, Grief Australia have free counselling: https://www.grief.org.au/ga/Support/Counselling.aspx

In NSW and via Telehealth, there is NALAG: https://nalag.org.au

You can search for accredited counsellors:

• ACA: https://theaca.net.au/aca-directories/find-a-counsellor
• PACFA: https://pacfa.org.au/portal/portal/Find-a-Therapist/Find-A-Therapist.aspx (website appears down at the moment).

There is also self-education: https://griefline.org.au/resources/

Unfortunately Griefline's helpline closed down when it was taken over by SANE who have their Recovery Club, but I don't know how well its suited to grief (and grief is not something that is a mental health issue by default, and you learn to live with it rather than recover from it).

https://www.sane.org/recovery-club

Perhaps others in this forum who are grieving can share their experiences of the Recovery Club.

Would you like to elaborate on your fear of trying other counsellors, and/or the grief thoughts you are struggling with?

I was sad Griefline closed down. I hoped Sane would do more to recognise the particular aspects of how grief impacts mental health. I feel the Recovery Club is too focussed on a quick fix and being happy again, without adequate time to live in the now, whilst processing the impact of the loss, in one's life, that also needs time to go back into the actual lived relationship. @Radder I appreciate the thoughtfulness in your posts generally.

@Merv-Dad Sorry you had a not so good experience. I have had a real mix, myself, but encourage you to reach out, and yes shop around. My best bet was to do the research myself and various trainings, and gradually incorporate that into my Lived Experience. One tip I found helpful, was to externalise my grief into a material object ... eg ... for my dad ... it is the desk he bought for me as a child ... or it can be photos. Its kinda like I can place the grief onto the object, and engage with my grief journey in bits from time to time, as I cope with ongoing life. Gradually a narrative emerges, and yes we carry them within our memories, but in the early days, that may be overwhelming, so that is why that tip helped me.

@ Appleblossom, thank you for welcoming me. I’m not scared of much in life, I love going on the highest show rides there is, I’ll sky dive from a plane, I will move away from a snake and get rid of the huntsman’s for my daughter and hubby.

I only have 1 fear in life and that’s losing my mum and dad. And I lost my dad. He was my support person, my best friend, the first love of my life, the man that knew how to fix anything whatever is going wrong, he always had a solution to make it right. Since he’s left, everything just keeps going wrong and only he knows how to guide me in the right direction to make it right but he’s not here to help with that now. There’s so much I need to talk to him about from the last three years and I can’t. Can’t even get his thoughts. Or tell me I made the right decision.

i miss him so much. He gave my brother his boat, but it needs a new trailer. I was on holiday over Easter, I couldn’t wait to get his boat going and back in the water, that I came home with a boat of my own. His boat has a sticker staying gone fishing. I renamed my boat “gone fishing #4 Merv. I’m his baby number 4 little girl. Not so little any more haha. It’s not quite ready for the water but will be by summer. I wish he could see it 😢😢😢

what do you think you should do

Hi @Merv-Dad, part of the grieving process is forming a continuing bond.

https://www.simplypsychology.com/articles/grief-continuing-bonds-theory

Perhaps reflect on what your dad taught you, and incorporate his ethos into your own so that he lives on through you. You keep his memory alive in this way and can tell the world about him through your own life going forward. Trust your heart and gut that he has passed on his wisdom to you, and you will instinctively make decisions he would approve of.