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Dealing with friendships

Tarmac_6Senior Contributor07 Oct 2026, 9:56 am AEDT

Dealing with friendships

Hi,

Recently two of my best friends (one I know from uni and one from school) have becoming closer (I introduced them) and I can’t lie that it bothered me. They hung out without me and I cried for the whole day. I know that seems dramatic but I have had a lot of friendship issues in the past and the situation really triggered me. I have had many friendships where me being left out was the norm and some of them were actual bullies and some just teenage girls too focused on themselves. It has really lowered my self worth and I am such a people pleaser in friendships as I’m terrified of losing them. Anytime I slightly perceive being left out i completely shut down and I think about it constantly.

Regarding my two best friends hanging out without me, my uni friend checked in on the day and realised I was upset (I didn’t initially say anything but she kept asking and told me to be honest) and my school friend and I ended up talking about it later on and she reminded me she wasn’t going to replace me. The other thing that worries me is I’m going away for 3 months for an internship and I’m scared that when I come back I will be replaced.

While being reassured helps, i honestly still have so much anxiety around it and if I think about it too much I will cry. I know it seems very dramatic and it isn’t the biggest problem but I would really appreciate any advice on moving on from friendships that fell through or being left out. I know my friends believe what they say when they reassure me but i genuinely think they just will naturally leave me out without realising.

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In response to: Dealing with friendships

JynxModerator07 Oct 2026, 4:34 pm AEDT

Re: Dealing with friendships

Hi @Tarmac_6 I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling with these feelings at the moment. I think, considering you've experienced friendship loss and bullying in the past, it's completely understandable that seeing two of your close friends themselves becoming close can feel overwhelming. The way our nervous systems develop means that having those negative experiences in the past has primed your nervous system to expect it will continue to happen, even if that's not the case.

It does sound like your friends care about you, they are happy to reassure you and don't want to replace you. Maybe you could share with them how your past experiences have impacted you, and perhaps make a plan for keeping in touch and ensuring you stay connected even whilst you're away.

Feeling like we may be abandoned by those we are closest to is a common human fear, and experiencing bullying or significant relationship losses can have a HUGE impact on us, so please don't think these feelings are just you 'being dramatic' - they're very real, because these kinds of losses can impact us deeply. It may help to seek out a bit of extra support to help you process these feelings - like with a therapist or counsellor for example. You can talk to a GP about getting a referral. For some extra support you can also look into SANE's Recovery Club too - more info here: https://www.sane.org/recovery-club

I wish you the best on this journey. You deserve to feel secure, and cared for in your relationships :)

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