Seeking Support re Family ASPD

This is my first post and I will try to stick to the guidelines because I know I need some help. This is my story. Some of this might be triggering for some people so be careful.

I’m retired for a few years now, and from my past employment I should have recognised the obvious….but I didn’t. I feel stupid and a failure to some extent although intellectually “l know” it’s not my fault it still feels that way.

I was trained to recognise symptoms, but It has only just dawned on me why my three generations of trauma, chaos, and unbelievably difficult and tragic family situations full of grief have occurred.

Once I realised what was a “best fit” explanation I was flooded with partly a sense of relief as well as shame and huge regret that I had not had a clearer picture of things earlier in my life, so that I could have made different life choices. I do feel a bit more “settled” now I know the explanation.

He is almost 40 years old and has psychotic symptoms which may be from drugs but seem permanent now as well as significant short term memory loss. He is homeless since being evicted during Covid from social housing for trashing his unit. He refuses to accept any rehab or treatment suggestions and has no ID documents, no address , no phone ( He's actually had about 6 or more phones but they get stolen, lost or pawned).

He calls me from free public phones about each fortnight often wanting money, ( which I usually don’t give him) and he never knows what day of the week or time it is. His disability support payment is managed by a government service and issued in daily increments to his bank account , for him to live on.I suspect it mostly goes to buy drugs.

Then there are my grandchildren by my late son,who are both parents now but frequently call me asking for money for various “reasons” . One was worse than the other and was extremely persistent and deeply in debt and managed to trick and influenceme to help him eventually getting significant sums of money in an “elder financial abuse” emotional manipulation manner which overwhelmed my better judgement. He also has a long history with police involvement and violent behaviour to people and property.

I’m so embarrassed by their behaviour that I can’t join in conversations with other friends if mine who are grandparents in more normal families.

I know I’m grieving and depressed and also know that keeping busy is the best medicine for me and trying to stay “ in the present moment” though my mind doesn’t easily let me believe there is nothing I can do.I know I can’t fix or help my family but my mind keeps looking for solutions.

All suggestions will be welcome thanks.