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next steps

salc0Casual Contributor04 Mar 2015, 10:40 pm AEDT

next steps

Hi, my sibling has some mental health issues and I need some advice on what to do next. They have always had some anger issues since they were very young but seemed to manage them most of the time. However, things came to a head about six months ago. A serious disturbance occured in their life and they have since gone to live with our parent. They have had their good and bad days but have increasingly become more abusive in this relationship to the point that our parent doesnt feel safe with them anymore. They feel that everyone is letting them down and if someone could just do as well as they do taking care of others it would be fine. Yet they are adament they dont need professional help and hide any issues they have from everyone except those closest to them. My partner has offered for them to come live with us with me taking on the primary care role, but I beleive this will just end in the same result as it has with our parent. At this stage we actually dont have a diganosis or an idea of what to do to help them. So I suppose the real crux of my problem is first sorting out how to get them the professional help they need without making them resent me.

6 replies

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In response to: next steps

NikNikSenior Contributor05 Mar 2015, 4:10 pm AEDT

Re: next steps

Hi @salc0

Welcome to the Forums.

I'm sorry to hear about the challenging time you're having at the moment.

Just one clarifying question - what age bracket is your sibling in? I only ask because there are servcies for young people 25 or under which are different to services for 26+

Thanks,

Nik

In response to: next steps

salc0Casual Contributor05 Mar 2015, 7:01 pm AEDT

Re: next steps

Thanks Nik, they are over 26

In response to: next steps

HobbitSenior Contributor05 Mar 2015, 7:36 pm AEDT

Re: next steps

Hi @salc0

Welcome to the forums!! I hope you find some good supportive people here that can offer you some encouragement and advice.

In regards to your post, I am a bit confused. Are you talking about some brothers or sisters of yours? How many are you referring to?

I suppose in this sort of situation it's very hard, because you can't make a person get help if they do not want help (or don't think they need help). When it comes to someone you love, it can be very frustrating indeed!!

My concern is that if they came and lived with you, then this might put a lot of strain on your relationship with your partner, and possibly end up doing more harm than good.

Sometimes in trying to help a loved one, it can help to just tell them how much you love them and care about them, and that you would really like to see them happy, if only for their sakes.

Please be aware that I know I am only making some very generalistic comments here because I don't know the history - but perhaps you could gently suggest some family counselling? Relationships Australia might be a good place to start - the website is here.

You might also like to try calling the Family Relationships Advice Line on 1800 050 321. Their website is here.

In the meatime, here is a factsheet explaining "when something is not quite right" along with a checklist you can go through. It might help you assess the situation a bit more clearly. Also, here is a page with some factsheets regarding Anger Management you might find helpful.

Also, this is a link to an older thread wich it titled "What if they don't want help?" - you might find some helpful insights in this discussion. @Cazzie @Rover @Eagle @SadMum made some good contributions here and might have some more advice.

Lastly, @salc0 - you are really showing that you are very caring people simply by coming onto these forums and seeking some help in this situaiton. You should be proud of yourself for that.

Keep posting - you have friends here.

Hobbit

In response to: next steps

Alessandra1992Senior Contributor05 Mar 2015, 10:06 pm AEDT

Re: next steps

Welcome @salc0
I am wondering if your parent might be able to visit you and that might give your parent a bit of a break from being with your siblings. And then maybe you can have a think about how you can support your parent's caring role, without necessarily taking on a caring role yourself...that's not to say you might choose to take on a more hands on role, but I wouldn't rush into anything without having a clearer picture of what is going on with your siblings..

In response to: next steps

salc0Casual Contributor06 Mar 2015, 9:37 am AEDT

Re: next steps

Thanks for all ths advice and links Everyone. Just to clarify it is just one sibling. I am just stuipidly paranoid that somehow they will find this forum and know its about them, setting them off. I know this is ridiculous but it's where my head is at right now. This is probably a good indication that I wouldnt be able to handle primary care anyway. I will have a trawl through the resources provided here and just continue to try and get my sibling to seek professional help

In response to: Re: next steps

CherryBombSenior Contributor07 Mar 2015, 8:42 pm AEDT

Re: next steps

Hi @salc0

It sounds like a tense situation at home. There are well over 800 people on here so anyone on here could be anyone.

You're not alone, there's a few other members on here with sibling who have had similar issue to you. @Sister cares for her brother who took out his anger on her. You can read about how she responded to it here. Similarly @Kiera80 cares for her sibling whom she was disabilities caring for, she's written about it here. She also wrote some great advice in this thread started by @sharona about how to respond to thread and bullying.

It can be a tough road getting your loved to seek help particularly if they don't want to acknowledge there an issue and/or refuse to seek treatment. When things are like this, it can be helpful to start to look at ways you can make some changes to improve the situation for yourself like practicing self-care and setting up boundaries.

What do others think?

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