Carers under 30...

@Former-Member are you around?

can you put your mum hat on for me and help me work through a few things?

im having heaps of troubles and i cant work them all out and im frustrated and upset and stressing and its alot to deal with at the moment so maybe you could help me @Former-Member

1. i dont think im cut out for carer duties
I dont know if im really cut out of the carers duties. I am doing my best but in another part of me wants to explore the world. Ive always been the carer always had the responsibilites. I missed by chance to be a child and I also missed by chance to be a teenager. Ive hd both taken from me and both of those are partly my fault. Why cant I just be a kid for once. The ost kid thing ive done in years and that was throw papers and pencils all around the floor. Wow fantastic outlet.

2. im either invisible or in trouble

If im not invisble to people then im friggin in trouble
now my pops starting on me- for everything!
The main and first thing is he thinks I dont help out with the bills enough! We were discussing bills before and he keeps yelling at me for it.
I pay my assigned rent from housing, plus I pay 40 a fortnight for water, and out water bill is usally 60 a fortnight so im paying most of that and then on top of that I pay him 30 to put on his credit card as I used it before so I keep paying that off until ive used up what I used plus I put 100 extra on for interest and then I also pay 40 for power per fotnight as well and he pays 50 and not sure what eveeryine else pays
so all uo per fortnight I pay 200 out of my pay for bills plus I add in 100 for food shopping as well so really 300 a fortnight as I get paid forntightly. I also have my own bills to pay and my car to run as well and its rare I go on a spending splurge. Then when im in my car and hes with me he constantly tells me what to do. I go over the speed limit by 2 ks and im in shite. I brake to hard- nope I dont its actually very gentle unless its really unexpected as you get, my cars dirty and I need to detail it. You need new this and you need new that for your car. You go to fast towards the rondabout, your too close to that car, you need to expect the unexpected, why do you do this why do you do that. Omg and the lsit goes on and on and its everytime he gets in the car with me and he constantly lets me know by also grunting at me like my driving Is so rough.

3. im scared that im going to fail this exam on wednesday (study exam)
I feel like im seriously going to fail this exam. Everytime I try to study I get interupted, I was studying with @shaz51 and if it wasnt for her I would be more distracted as people kept calling me and asking me to do things constantly for stupid things and if I ignoored them they kept calling me until I did answer them. I have trouble concentrating and im really trying but I dont think its good enough. I cant seem to get anythign else right nor succeed in anything so why should I in this.
My exam is on wednesday coming so three days away and I feel extremley panicked.


4. i feel like a servant
Im back to feeling like a servant again and that speaks for itself- no explaination necessary. Plus its interupting my studies as well which is really annoying

5. im scared about tomorrows gp appointment and test results

im seriously scared about getting my ultrasound results back tomorrow. Im worried im going to have yet another diagnossis to worry about again and something else to deal with. I dont know if I really want to find out but I kno I need to find out otherwise ill just panic until I get the results. Im worried about the std and pap smear results which I cant get back until the 16th so thats still a week and abit away which is worrying as well

6. my body seriously hates me

i feel sick all the time!. i cant eat without feleing sick so im really starting to think its easier not to. i cant do anything that doesnt seem to exert my body. im constantly in physical with with my neck injury, my scoliosis, my foot, my stomach and pelvis, breasts or psychologically.
i dont even know if my medications are helping me anymore. my fears and anxiety and depression seem to override them greatly still and ive upped them three times and added an extra one in so they are both strong doses and they help each other to work even more efficiently if taken together which is what i do.

7. i dont think im cut out for riding anymore
i had a ride on my horse today and it went abit better than last time. she tried to bite me but didnt get me and i went to do a jump and she decided that she would dead stop and i could jump it myslef so i hit the decky but im ok abit sore form it but im ok luckily i didnt land on my back or stomach or head it was a hand then side job so lucky my wrist is broken. i did what i needed to do even though it was out of my comfort zonr and hopefully this will be a step in the right direction but geez i dont know if ive still got the knack for damaged or difficlut horses as i use to. i dont know whats wrong with me anymore. and when i was riding all i was getting was pain in my ankle frrom my injury so now i have to deal with that as well now

8. im annoyed!
i was trying to watch a movie on the tv and my youngest sisters comes out and says can we watch this show as mums boyfriend says it was on. i said no can we watch this movie. its a good movie and my youngest would probably like it
no reply and the friggin tv gets changed to watch the other tv show as my youngest sister and mums boyfirend likes to watch it. wtf. i was watching that movie and their response was why dont you just hire it from the dvd shp and watch it tomorrow oyu dont do anythign through the day anyway. NOT HAPPY! why couldnt they hire that movie tomorrow and watch it after shes home from school!

yes @Former-Member

could you shed some light on any of this?