Carers under 30...

Okay @outlander Here is good.

Is your Pop being particularly difficult again? Or is your Mum fobbing off too much of her own responsibilities, re your siblings, unfairly onto you?

Probably both is happening, which is so unfair.

Hi @outlander. Sorry to hear things are running so hard for you. 😞

@outlander, I think a lot of us have that concern. Anything you can do at the moment to help yourself along a bit? Self care style stuff?

Thats understandable that you are struggling with being a carer @outlander . People underestimate just how much is involved in being a carer. It is NOT an easy task at all, and obviously made more difficult by a very 'difficult' caree. The fact that your Mum also unfairly relies on you so much for your siblings also adds to your already onerous burden.

It was most unfortunate that your Pop was assessed a few weeks ago as not having dementia. That would have opened up some very helpful options for you and him too. But at least you now have a baseline which you can work with next time. Its highly likely that his mental cognition will go backwards in the near future anyway. And his physical abilities will also likely deteriorate, for which you can always request further assessments as to his needs. Just something to keep in mind.

Its okay, I wont mention this on the LE side. Though a lot of people do cross over to the 'dark side' and back. No secrets around here, aye? Please dont doubt your significance with regards your posts either here or on the LE side. Little one, you have LE and you are a carer, you have every right to be here on both sides. Its for people like you and I that these forums are here for. Never ever doubt your right to be here ... please continue to post and gain the support you need, when you need it. If there are times you do not feel able to provide support to others, then that is fine too. There are many others around here who will cover your absence. Thats not to say your daily check ins would not be missed. I think we all love to get those little checking in messages that you regularly post to all of us. But do not feel obliged to do that if you are not feeling up to it. It is not a prerequisite to receiving the support you need, when you need it. We all know you will be back when you can, when it comes to supporting others. If you need to ... take a step back and let others care for you for a change, figuratively speaking that is.

As for you needing to pay for respite for your Pop if you need a break ... I do not know why you would need to pay for it. Ultimately he is not, nor should he be, your financial responsibility. Surely your Mum can do something to help out if need be? Am I correct in thinking you are receiving a carers payment? Can I just point out that that payment does not include any allowances to be used towards respite care for your Pop. I repeat ... it is not your responsibility to pay for your Pops additional expenses if or when needed. I expect your Pop would have some funds in a bank account of his own, its likely he can afford to pay for some respite care if necessary.

As for remaining a carer? That is someone only you can answer. For someone so young (22?) it is a huge undertaking and one which is life changing. You cannot have the life that most 22yo's have. You have responsibilities as a carer, which simply do not permit what most people would consider a 'normal' life. If you were to cease your carer responsibilities, what are the repercussions? Okay, you would lose the carers payment. Loss of income is tough, but it would also allow you more time to do extra paid work when able. You are studying and that will hopefully eventually lead to better chances of employment. Which is not possible if you are a full time carer. Have you thought about this? If you did not care for your Pop, what would happen there? Would he go into some sort of aged care facility? Would he find another carer from elsewhere? Carers do not have to be full time live-in, many obtain the carers payment but live off site, only being there basically from wake up time through to bed time. Could this be an option?

There are a lot of things you have to think about Outlander, no wonder you feel a lot of pressure and feel like you are entering a meltdown situation. Even without personal MH challenges, the responsibility and pressures of caring for others, is hard work.

What plans do you have for today sweetie? I have just stripped beds and done a load of washing of sheets and towells. Its been difficult getting hubby out of bed long enough lately to strip, wash and remake the bed. Perfect opportunity with him being away these few days. I have rung him this morning and he said he is feeling crook, but coping. Unusual for him, he was awake and out of bed by 7.30am. They were hitting the road again at 8am. The guys travelling are all early risers. I will be out for a bit now as my washing machine is beeping at me that its done. Washing to hang out. Back soon.

Sherry 🧡

Wondering if "looking after the kids" can be tweaked to double as self care? Something like a home movie night- a DVD, take away or heat-and-eat dinner, popcorn or other snacks? Or any other activity that all wil enjoy, including you, that won't increase your workload.

thank you @Former-Member
its not that i dont want to be a carer but the pressures are getting to me quite abit lately. i dont feel like myself at all and professionals not listening to me doesnt help.
When my mother gets a job in either area she chooses- i wont say which 2 but itll also increase the care ill undertake for siblings with probably more mornings, and/or afternoons as well as possibly some weekends and also night/sleepovers as well.

no, no secrets here, its not that i dont want to post to others, honestly im not feeling all that needed or wanted at the moment. seems to be the story of my life. i like doing my check in when i can and its nice to know you like them. my natural reaction to things when things are harder is to shut down but it doesnt really havy anything to do with others. the hiccups ive had here have taught me that when people dont respond, react well, seem to be pushing me away i step back and allow others to support more and give that person/people a chance to talk to someone else. make sense?

Apparently all my pop has is short term memory loss not dementia. i suppose thats ok but it is hard repeating myself 10 times a day over several things every single day. i cant leave him that much unfortunalty because he is stuffing around with his medications now too, i found 4 doses in one section and hes skipping alot even with my frequent reminders along with locking me out of the house or the opposite and leaving the house unlocked when no one is home, leaving things in unusal places so even though i can leave the house i cant leave for those longer periods of time.

yes im recieving carers payment and while thats ok, becasue he isnt assessed for other things he isnt qualifying for the my aged care thing and the stress of NDIS is way to much for either of us to handle at the moment so its taken alot of things out. no one else seems to be helping, i asked this gp i spoke to which has a huge interest in aged care (the reason i made him pops reg gp) wasnt much help in that area either. i feel so guilty for even asking for help, others have is so much worse than i do. It is my responsibility though becasue i am his primary carer so i have quite abit of responsibilities associated with that...
There is no one else to care for him, it is just me (and yes 22). as i said though its not so much that i dont want to be a carer but some support or a break every now and then (including from siblings) would be nice. the next steps would be an aged care facility though im not to sure the aged people tend to go in those, hes in his early 70s so i dont think hes old enough for that as yet or quite incapable to need that much care

i thought about nusrings, womens health, working in a mh unit or something along those lines but i dont know. how can i do that if i struggle to cope as a carer...

i dont have many plans as yet, if the camp is still going ahead which apparently it is the arvo will be busy transporting, setting up and settling. not looking forward to it so much now. i will have both tonight in a tent and then just me and middle on sat night as the youngest one is suppose to have a finals event thing for the other sport.

i also have to reschedule some appointments because i cant afford it nor can i afford pops specialist appt on tuesday. ive already pretty much used what i had on paying bills this week and pop doesnt get paid till after tuesday so ill have to reschedule that too.

glad your hubby is coping even if feeling unwell, his friends sound good though. washing sheets etc sound good while you can. fresh sheets are always good.