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Where and how do I start unravelling the mess that is me?

CtrlAltDefeatCasual Contributor04 Sept 2026, 8:45 pm AEST

Where and how do I start unravelling the mess that is me?

I'm under 30, diagnosed with depression/anxiety/stress disorder more than half my life. I was also diagnosed with ADHD, Autism and complex PTSD about 2 years ago and 3 progressive conditions impacting my spine causing chronic pain 24/7.

I had a very traumatic childhood, physical and sexual abuse, parents stealing us off one another and moving to different schools almost every year. I also got heavily in to drugs at the age of 15 and was around some pretty shady and nasty stuff (generally just surprised I survived it all) and still struggle with vaping, cannabis and alcohol use.

Every day feels like an endless war within myself just to keep myself alive. I don't even care if I die anymore and just live so I wont upset family and friends with my death, I'm scared of dying I just crave the nothingness I imagine it is. My circle of support is tiny, I'd say 3 people and none of them are close by and only 1 is in the same state. So it's just me and my cat.

I'm trying to quit cannabis and vaping, for financial reasons as well as feeling like I'm wasting away. It's so hard and it just feels like nothing is ever worth the effort anymore, but I want it to be. I want to get help but I just don't know where or how to start, I've been in councelling/therapy for a little over a decade and still feel like every day is the same. What can I do, who can I talk to. I can't afford a psych or fancy therapy but I can feel myself slipping into the darkness again and it's worse every time I do. I'm so bad at finding resources and making appointments and attending them because it all just gets so confusing and stressful and overwhelming immediately. Even this is too much and it's just typing out the basics of my history, not even the complex stuff, where can I go from here? Who can even help me? I feel like I'm losing myself

12 replies

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In response to: Where and how do I start unravelling the mess that is me?

BAOModerator04 Sept 2026, 8:55 pm AEST

Re: Where and how do I start unravelling the mess that is me?

Thank you for sharing @CtrlAltDefeat ,

It sounds so hard for you right now. I can see how much you have gone through and continue to battle each day.

Have you heard of SANE's Recovery Club? It is free of cost and it may be worth exploring so you can work through some of what's going on for you in a recovery-focused way. You can have a look here to see if it's something of interest: https://www.sane.org/recovery-club

Please know you are not alone. If you feel you need to talk to someone now, please contact:

Lifeline 13 11 14

Beyond Blue 1300 224 636

Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467

If if unsafe, 000

There is hope.

In response to: Where and how do I start unravelling the mess that is me?

CtrlAltDefeatCasual Contributor04 Sept 2026, 9:15 pm AEST

Re: Where and how do I start unravelling the mess that is me?

I don't like lifeline, beyond blue or any of those call services.

I find they are more interested in getting you off the phone and "talking you down" more than they actually care to help and find solutions. They usually leave me feeling worse about myself and humanity.

I'll have a look at the recovery service and see if it's for me, I am sceptical and usually don't like the idea of similar sounding things.

In response to: Where and how do I start unravelling the mess that is me?

RadderSenior Contributor04 Sept 2026, 9:28 pm AEST

Re: Where and how do I start unravelling the mess that is me?

Hi @CtrlAltDefeat,

Have you tried the lived experience peers at EACH?

https://www.each.com.au/services/lived-or-living-experience

In response to: Where and how do I start unravelling the mess that is me?

Misty7Senior Contributor04 Sept 2026, 9:38 pm AEST

Re: Where and how do I start unravelling the mess that is me?

Hi@CtrlAltDefeat,

Sorry to hear that you have gone through so much. Dealing with trauma is not an easy thing. Are you able to contact victim's services in your area?They will cover the cost of the psychological therapy.You can also apply for financial assistance.

In response to: Where and how do I start unravelling the mess that is me?

CtrlAltDefeatCasual Contributor04 Sept 2026, 9:45 pm AEST

Re: Where and how do I start unravelling the mess that is me?

Thank you for your suggestion, I think this one leans into the "too complicated to organise" category for me. I may try follow the thread if I remember it come Monday and still have the energy, desire and hope.

In response to: Where and how do I start unravelling the mess that is me?

CtrlAltDefeatCasual Contributor04 Sept 2026, 9:49 pm AEST

Re: Where and how do I start unravelling the mess that is me?

This kind of stuff is way to complicated and overwhelming for me to organise and deal with myself unless I'm having a stellar day.

I tried NDIS and gave up pretty fast after the first rejection. I just can't see myself fighting for support and financial assistance, it's way to hard and makes me feel so much worse.

I'm already so deep in the neurodivergent burn out. Sorry

In response to: Where and how do I start unravelling the mess that is me?

Misty7Senior Contributor04 Sept 2026, 9:58 pm AEST

Re: Where and how do I start unravelling the mess that is me?

@CtrlAltDefeat,

I completely understand. When you have so much going on, it's easy to get overwhelmed. For the therapy it was quite simple and straightforward but i got a friend to fill it out the form, from the website it got approved very quickly. Given your history I can't see why it would get rejected.

In response to: Where and how do I start unravelling the mess that is me?

CtrlAltDefeatCasual Contributor04 Sept 2026, 10:04 pm AEST

Re: Where and how do I start unravelling the mess that is me?

@Misty7 Do you know what I can put into google to find the right results?

I may try have my brother help me but he is hours away.

Sorry to ask so much, I just can't think properly right now and the energy to help myself is just about used up for today.

Even this is so much more than I have left in me to give and it's a reply to a kind stranger.

In response to: Where and how do I start unravelling the mess that is me?

Misty7Senior Contributor04 Sept 2026, 10:16 pm AEST

Re: Where and how do I start unravelling the mess that is me?

@CtrlAltDefeat , take your time. Do things really slowly.

The link I could find is the NSW one. Depending on what state you are from you will need to use the one from your state.

https://www.nsw.gov.au/sites/default/files/noindex/2025-11/application-for-support.pdf

In response to: Where and how do I start unravelling the mess that is me?

Misty7Senior Contributor04 Sept 2026, 10:22 pm AEST

Re: Where and how do I start unravelling the mess that is me?

@CtrlAltDefeat,

The form looks far worse than it actually is. I would apply for the counselling first. You can do the finance part later. I completely understand your fatigue in mind and body. Honestly you can take your time even it takes weeks, months to apply. For Cptsd there is the blue knot foundation.

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